"I can't explain it. It was almost like a punch in the gut. She took my breath away. Seeing her that night at the Field, I saw her in a way I never did before. She was always Vance's little sister, I always cared for her like that as well. We all protected her from the guys at school, but now it's like I need to protect her from me."
"But protect her from what exactly? Are you intentionally planning on hurting her?"
"No, but I'm sure I have."
"So fix it," She shrugs like it's common sense.
"I don't think it's that easy, and her brothers will kill me."
"It is that easy. You fix it with her, and then you talk to them. Be upfront and honest. I'm sure they won't like it, but they may just surprise you with how they respond. You never know."
"What if they don't? Vance wanted to murder this guy who simply asked her out. What if she doesn't accept my apology?"
"What if they do, and what if she does? Isn't life just full of ‘what-ifs’? You don't want to live your life on ‘what-ifs’. They end being nothing but regrets."
"I don't want things to change for the worse," I confess.
"Well...haven't they kind of already?"
Yes. Yes, they have. I don't know if things between V and I will ever be the same, so that's already botched. Jade is right though, I'll continue to wonder what would've happened had I owned up to my feelings for her. She could be the girl that I end up marrying--not that marriage is in my near future, but she could be it for me.
My phone vibrates on the bar and the screen lights up with a message notification. Even though I didn't save Taylor's number, I recognize it. As soon as I open it, the regret hits me. A guttural groan leaves my mouth and I instantly want to throw up and punch something at the same time. The clatter of my phone dropping on the bar has Jade on her feet.
"What's wrong?" she asks. I pinch the bridge of my nose with my left hand and turn my phone, so she can see the image of Veronica laughing with some guy sitting next to her in a booth. It looks like a diner. Like our first date.
"I think this puts it in perspective, yeah?"
I simply nod. She pats my back as she walks behind me, "Good luck."
She’s already halfway down the bar. "Jade!" I yell to grab her attention and she turns slightly, pausing where she stands. "Thank you!" She gives me a thumbs up and continues on her way. I throw some cash down on the bar, then pull out my phone to send a text message to end the ‘what-ifs’.
Distraction
The past twenty-four hours have been a whirlwind of emotions. If this is exactly what my brothers were protecting me from and, now, I'll gladly let them continue to do so. All I know is that I never want to feel the way I've been feeling ever again. Foolish, naive, inexperienced, and heartbroken. Of course, Taylor has my back. Her anger is enough for the both of us.
This morning, the hopeful and naive part of me expected Chase to drive up to my house, disregarding my seething words from yesterday. He'd grovel for forgiveness, apologizing profusely, explaining how stupid he is for throwing away a good thing. That was not the case. He never showed, and I don't even know why I hoped he would. I also never heard from him. By the end of the school day, I’m emotionally burnt out.
After school, Taylor takes me to the garage and insists she'll stick around until I'm done. I promise her we won’t stay long because, truthfully, it’s the last place I want to be. She pushes that we are gonna have a much-needed girls evening even if it was even though it’s a school night. I am sincerely grateful to have her by my side.
"Okay, where to?" Taylor asks me.
"Anywhere but Chrissy's," I tell her. Sadly, I may not be able to step foot into Chrissy's diner for a long time. The thought alone upsets me. The pie…
"Okay, I think I know just the place!" Tay interrupts my longing for the crusted dessert.
"Drive onward!" I point forward.
It doesn't take long to get where we were going--a popular burger joint right outside of town--that I've never been to. Since Chrissy's is a local diner, and a friend of my mother, I always felt obligated to go there. It doesn’t hurt that Chrissy's has some amazing food. Taylor finally finds a parking spot towards the back of the lot.
"Well, it's packed. So, that's a good sign, right?" she says, turning her keys in the ignition.
"Very," I respond and glance around. There’s a group of kids standing off towards the left, just hanging around.
"I've always wanted to try their burgers. Everyone's been raving about it since they opened."
"Seems like everyone else had the same thought tonight."
We both exit her Jeep and head inside the busy restaurant, I follow behind her but nearly run right into her back. "Tay, what are you doing?" I ask, stepping around her.
She glances around and shrugs. "Just seeing if there's anyone we know..." Then swings her head to the front of the building. "Looks like we're supposed to order first."
Following her line of sight, I see a guy standing behind the counter wearing a red shirt with a large rocket on the front. The name is written across his chest and a red visor upon his head. He's watching us with a less than enthusiastic expression. I smile in an attempt to make him feel...I don't know, appreciated? It doesn’t work, his eyes only shift from me to the person standing in front of him. I didn’t even realize Taylor left my side. I move through the makeshift line, coming to stand next to her.
"It's on me," Taylor says, and the bored employee looks at me.
"Tay," I whine.
"Zip it." She warns. Her voice is stern. With that, I know there's no use in arguing with her. I quickly give him my order and watch his hands move over the screen in front of him.
"Twenty-four dollars and ninety-five cents," he says, his deep voice void of any emotion.
"Chatty, aren't ya?" Taylor says, handing over her debit card. He glares at her slightly before sliding her card through the machine. She leans to me and whispers, "He has ‘promotion’ written all over him." I turn away in hopes that it hid my laughter well.
"Someone will bring it out to you," I hear his deep monotone voice from behind me.
"Thanks," Tay says, then joins me a second later, "See an open spot?"
I scan the large room. Booths are lining the perimeter, and the tables with chairs are scattered throughout the middle. There's so much commotion that it requires me to stand on my tiptoes to look over some of the people who are standing, instead of sitting. A rowdy bunch of guys are occupying most of the tables in the middle. I’m assuming they're jocks because of the varsity jackets they're wearing.
"Hmm..." Tay hums. "Maybe we should sit next to them," she suggests and points in the direction of the jackets.
"Let's not." I object, an empty booth in the back corner catches my eye. "How about over there?" I point.
"Really?" She asks scrunching up her face.
"Yep," I say and start walking towards the table without even waiting for her response. I slide into the booth with my back towards the restaurant and a second later Tay slides in across from me.