“It’s not?” Royce asked.
“It sounded pretty serious to me,” Audrey murmured.
“Why didn’t I stay in bed this morning?” Grant asked himself as he turned and headed for his room.
“I’m going to go. Marcy and Mikayla are waiting for me but I’m really happy for you, daddy!” Audrey called. Grant muttered several curses as he crawled into his bed and pulled the covers over his head.
“She’s gone,” Royce said when he found Grant under the duvet, a few minutes later. He kissed Grant’s nose but he grumbled and twisted until he was facing the other direction. Royce crooned sympathetically as he wrapped his body around Grant’s and kissed his neck. Grant’s bones melted and he sank against Royce.
“I forgot how good this feels,” he whispered as he hugged Royce’s arm. Royce hummed softly as his lips dragged along Grant’s shoulder.
“I’ve been waiting weeks to do this,” he murmured. “Why did you tell her it wasn’t serious?” Royce asked gently. Grant groaned in protest as he pushed his face into his pillow.
“Because I know I’ll have just enough strength to bear the weight of my own disappointment. I don’t want Audrey, Marcy, Walter and everyone else heartbroken for me if this doesn’t work out. I can’t take any more of their sympathy, Royce. I’m tired of hearing voices drop when I enter a room and it sucks, seeing people pack away their happiness, like it’s vulgar and might offend me. It’s been nice, being the guy everyone’s happy for, for once. People smile when they see me now. It makes me want to hide because they also wiggle their eyebrows at me or wink but it’s so much nicer than being the human equivalent of an ASPCA commercial and making people sad all the time. I don’t like when I feel empty and down and I think I’d have longer stretches of good days if everyone treated me like a normal person and let me hear them laugh again.”
“I understand. I want to promise you won’t be disappointed but I’m afraid I’ll have to do something you won’t be able to forgive before this is over,” Royce said quietly. Grant shut his eyes and his face scrunched as he packed the thought up tight. He couldn’t allow any part of that statement to expand and unravel in his head or he’d be stuck in bed for days.
“I’m going to trust you to do what you think is right. Not because it’s neater and easier for me but because I know you to be a kind, gentle and compassionate man. Even when you’re being a charming asshole, you’re still thoughtful,” Grant said. Royce’s lips stopped and he became still.
“I have been, here, but I’m a dangerous man. I didn’t want to bring any of that to Hopkins Creek. I like who I am here and I don’t miss how tedious life is when politics and war shape every damn thing you see and do. It’s simple and quiet here and I don’t want to go back,” he confessed. Hope swirled in Grant’s chest but he was afraid of touching it. It was meant to spread and soothe but he backed away from it on his tiptoes and kept it from seeping into his cuts and burns.
“I don’t know if I’m capable of being a really happy person. I’m not broken just because of Chris. I feel like I’m ready to start over with someone but I don’t know why anyone would want someone who’s broken,” Grant explained. Royce held him tighter as he sighed heavily and it wafted against Grant’s neck. It was magical, the way the warmth spread down Grant’s shoulder and chest.
“I don’t think you’re broken. Blind people aren’t broken because they can’t see and deaf people don’t need to be fixed because they can’t hear, right?” Royce asked. Grant frowned as he shook his head.
“No. Of course not,” he said.
“You’re not broken. You have a mental disability but I’ve seen you do brave and amazing things. You overcame a devastating emotional injury while raising one of the most incredible young ladies I’ve had the privilege of knowing. She’s going to change the world in a beautiful way and I am in awe of how well you’ve raised her. There are so many disappointing parents in the world but you found a way to give her a perfect life while slowly repairing your broken heart. And then, I turned your life inside out and asked you to do something insane and dangerous and instead of running away and hiding, you’ve put your daughter and your neighbors first, every time. And you’re brave every time you kiss me. I know how much every touch has cost you.” Royce gave Grant a moment to breathe through the swirling tangle in his head and chest.
“You’re being kind and generous again,” Grant said. Royce snorted and it was another soft, soothing huff against Grant’s skin.
“I’m being honest. I’ve tried my best to be as honest with you as possible,” Royce whispered and Grant sighed heavily.
“I know. I take back what I said about you being a sociopath. Aside from the day we met, you’ve always been honest and that’s why I trust you.”
“That’s all that matters, Grant. I want you to trust me,” Royce murmured into his hair and Grant frowned.
“Why? Why is that all that matters?” He asked and it took several moments for Royce to answer.
“I honestly don’t know,” he admitted.
“What are you going to do about Sam?” Grant said and it was Royce’s turn to sigh.
“I’m not sure yet. I need to talk to Waites.”
Chapter 32
“When are you meeting this guy?” Grant whispered as he pushed their cart. Royce’s eyes tightened as he scanned the aisles and the customers.
“Very soon. Why don’t you focus on dinner and I’ll worry about that,” he murmured as he strolled alongside Grant. Royce would have preferred to meet Waites alone but he worried “Sam” would take advantage of his absence and approach Grant again. Royce spotted Waites by the wines. His craggy face caught Royce’s attention, stoic and forbidding like a monument as he perused the imported red wines. “Actually, I’m going to help that gentleman pick out a good wine to pair with a roast lamb while you sort out dinner,” Royce said under his breath.
“Here?” Grant whispered as his gaze swept toward Waites and Royce shushed him as he kissed his cheek.
“I’ll find you when we’re finished. Just do whatever you’d normally do while you’re at the grocery store,” he commanded gently. Grant gave him a slight nod then straightened his shoulders and headed for the produce with their cart. Royce watched him go then chuckled softly as he turned on his heel and hummed to himself as he admired the buckets of bouquets. He slipped his hands into his pockets as he made his way along the rows of wine bottles then gave Waites a nonchalant nod as he joined him.
“You can’t go wrong with a Bordeaux,” he noted and Waites snorted.
“You would pick something expensive and heavy,” he countered. Royce grinned as he inspected a Syrah then offered it.
“I like something full bodied with a little age and a luscious mouth-feel,” he drawled and Waites’ pale blue eyes were flat as he gave him a withering look. That look used to get Royce hot. He’d wanted Waites but the older man gave Royce the same dry, scolding glare before he stated that he had more important things to do than get his dick wet. He advised Royce to avoid fucking anyone in the agency or with a clearance unless he wanted to get his balls caught in a trap. “You put your dick in someone and they’ll confuse that for loyalty or make sure you remember when it’ll cost you the most.”