“No, Chad. I won’t apologize for it happening because that would mean it was a mistake. It wasn’t a mistake.” Wes’s eyes meet mine again. “Stacey was never a mistake.”
Chad pulls back and punches Wes across the face with no warning at all. I leap toward him, holding him back to make sure he doesn’t do it again.
Wes holds his face as he recovers and then starts again, “I know I’ve said and thought a lot of things over the years about girls and relationships. But you of all people should understand what it means when people say, things change. You found Nicole. And I found Stacey.”
I feel Chad tense up, and I hold him back even more.
“The only thing is, I never had to find her. It was always her. I just ignored what I felt because I’d made you a promise. But can you imagine someone telling you that you couldn’t be with Nicole just because of some silly rule that was made when you were a kid? I’m sorry, but you shouldn’t have a say in that. What would you do if Nicole’s brother tried to stop you?”
“You know this is different. Don’t even try to think it’s not.”
“You’re right. It is different. I didn’t just meet Stacey. I met her years ago and have had to fight these feelings for over half of my life. And I did that for you. I …” He pauses and closes his eyes briefly, like he’s fighting back emotions about to spill over. “I did that for you.”
Chad can see the sincerity written all over his face, and I feel when his body starts to loosen as he takes in his words.
“I’m not here to beg for your friendship back. I know that ship has sailed. I just want you to know that I’m truly sorry. I hope, one day, you’ll forgive me and understand that I never meant to hurt either one of you. You both are family to me, and I’ll never forget all that you’ve done for me.”
Wes turns to leave. I glance at Chad as his head falls back.
He closes his eyes and shouts out more to himself than anyone else, “Fuck!” He takes a big inhale and opens his eyes again to see Wes disappearing around the corner. “GodDammit,” he says to himself. “Hold on, Wes,” he calls out as he runs after him.
I stand there, waiting for them to come back but they don’t. When I go to the window, I see them standing by Wes’s car. It’s obvious the tension is still high, but without being able to hear them, I can’t tell what’s going on.
My heart pounds as my stomach turns. I’ve never felt so helpless. I feel like I ruined their friendship. I know I’m responsible for it. Wes warned me this would happen, and I didn’t believe him. But I also could have never thought that Wes would just walk away like he did.
After a few minutes, their body language changes, and hope starts to build within me. To my surprise, they point to the car, and Chad hops in the passenger seat. Where they’re going, I have no clue, but I have a feeling it’s going to be a long, sleepless night if they don’t come back soon.
Nicole stays with me for a while but chooses to leave around midnight. A little past two in the morning, there’s a knock on my bedroom door.
“Are you awake? Can we talk?” Chad says.
I stop the Netflix movie I was watching on my laptop and hop up in bed, dying to know what happened. “Yes, come in. Where have you been?”
Chad pulls out my desk chair and sits. “We went to the corner bar and talked that whole time. He told me everything. About Spin the Bottle, the kiss after graduation, and how things progressed here.”
I curl my blanket in my hand, nervous about what he might say. “And?”
“And I think I understand it a little more now. I can’t say I like it, but he said it was different with you. It always has been.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
He leans back in the chair, thinking. “When he compared it to Nicole, I understood more. It’s not fair for me to say you can’t date him. But”—he takes a deep breath—“I’ll also be the first to tell you, as your brother, that guy has issues. Big ones.”
The day he walked out of our place races through my mind, and I feel it like a knife to the chest.
My expression must show it, too, because he holds up his hands.
“I’m not saying I’ll give you my blessing, but I also won’t stand in your way. If you want to date Wes, then that’s your prerogative. Just know, he doesn’t date. He will hurt you.”
“Why do you say that?”
He lets out a long sigh. “Because I’m not sure if he’s capable of love.”
“But he loves you.”
He nods, pursing his lips together. “Yep, and look how that ended. But”—he stands, pushing the chair back in—“I told him if you ever forgave him for the shit he pulled and leaving like he did instead of fighting for you, then I wouldn’t stop it. But if he truly felt the way he said he did, then he never should have left in the first place. Dad taught us—shit, taught him—you have to fight for the things you love, and he just walked away. Don’t forget that.” He points his finger at me. “That’s only my opinion though. And he wanted me to give you this.”
He hands me a piece of paper while giving me a closed-lip smile and exits my room, leaving me even more confused than I ever was before.
As I look at the note, I try to make up my mind on him before I see what it says because no matter what he wrote, I need to make sure I’m okay with talking to him again.
I made him promise to not do exactly what he did, and the very next opportunity, he did just that.
Is that the kind of man I want to be with?
Then, all the good memories flash through my mind. The moments we shared. The way he made the butterflies swarm in my belly when he spoke or the chills he sent throughout me with just his touch.
Deep down, he is a good guy. My brother wouldn’t have been his best friend for all these years if he wasn’t. Obviously, he’s working on forgiving Wes since they spent the past few hours talking.
I decide if Chad can forgive him, then I can at least open Wes’s letter and see what he has to say.
Dear Stacey,
I’ve never been good at expressing my feelings. I’ve never had to be until you. I know I’ve said the wrong things, and you’ll probably never forgive me, but just know, I meant every word, every touch, and every kiss I’ve ever given you.
Yours truly,
Wes
I stare at the clock and see it’s way too late to call him and start this conversation, and I’m not sure if I’m ready yet, so I take the letter, fold it up, and place it under my pillow. I know I won’t get any sleep tonight, but I need to at least try.
After class the next day, I walk out to my car and see a note on my windshield. Frustrated, thinking it’s a ticket, I grab it in a rush and go to throw it in my purse when I see my name handwritten across it. When I open it, I see Wes’s handwriting.
I know you’ve always hated that I called you Squid, but I never told you why for a reason. Yes, I tried to play it off like it was because you were a swimmer, but it was so much more than that. It was my way of saying you were my light. Through all the darkness of my world, you were always shining brightly in my eyes.
You see, there’s a Hawaiian squid that can produce light to help it avoid nocturnal predators. I was your predator, only your light drew me in instead of pushing me away.