The thought is fleeting as we push and pull, groan and moan, thrust and grind, taking from each other and giving just as much in return. And when we reach our climax together, I know I’m ruined for anyone else. No one will ever make me feel this way—loved, cared for, desired.
Coming down from the high, our breathing evening out, Paul pulls out of me slowly and settles me on his lap. His gentle kisses are exactly what my battered heart needs in this moment. There will never be another man who makes me feel like Paul does. My boss, my friend, my lover—he’s it for me. He’s it for us.
“Why don’t you sleep in my bed tonight?”
I pull back to look at his handsome face, wishing he could come snuggle with me, but knowing it wouldn’t be appropriate with Carson in that same bed. I nod in agreement, even though my heart wants to stay right here on the couch with him.
“Thank you.”
“I should be saying the same to you.”
Smiling shyly, he leans in and takes my lips one more time. It’s a goodnight kiss, but I hope it’s also the beginning of something more.
I finally push off his lap and grab my shirt off the floor, throwing it and my panties on quickly before heading toward bed.
Turning as I enter the room, I look back at him. “You’re a really amazing man, Paul.”
He stops getting dressed as I speak, hopefully absorbing the words I can’t seem to stop from saying.
“And not just because of your bedroom skills. But just because you’re you. Anyway… goodnight.”
“Goodnight Kiersten.”
I don’t look back this time, having said everything I needed to say. Instead, I climb onto the mattress and snuggle next to my son. The bed smells like musk and detergent and man. It’s going to be hard to fall asleep surrounded by the scent of the one I like so much.
Until suddenly, I just drift.
TWENTY-ONE
Paul
It’s been five hours since I was inside Kiersten and I can’t stop thinking about it. It was… she was more than I ever imagined. Feeling her skin on mine, the gentle thrum of her pulse under my lips when I kissed her neck, her slickness as I thrust in and out of her—it’s a memory I want to keep in the forefront of my mind. I don’t remember ever feeling so complete. Like I was home. But that’s how she made me feel. Truthfully, it’s how she always makes me feel, it was just on a much larger scale when we were naked.
I had no intention of jumping Kiersten last night. I tried to stay solidly within the boundaries I had set, but when she woke me up, looking a little rough around the edges from a long night of work, I couldn’t stop myself. Honestly, I didn’t want to. She was so beautiful and so excited for the bar’s success, it was easy to get caught up in the moment. Or maybe that’s just my excuse to myself.
The most difficult part of it all is, I like Kiersten. And I’m not even sure like is the right word for how I feel. Kiersten is the total package of everything I’ve always wanted in a woman. She’s smart and witty and charming. She’s beautiful on and off the dance floor. But she doesn’t come alone. She’s a package deal, kind of like I am. The difference is I come with a floundering business while she comes with an amazing child, and neither of those things is complimentary to the other.
That child is why I offered for Kiersten to stay over. I really was worried he’d wake up and refuse to go back to sleep. In hindsight, maybe I should have thought about the morning after. I hope it isn’t going to be awkward. We probably need to have a hard conversation to make sure we’re both on the same page. That page being it can never happen again.
And Carson will probably be hungry during that talk, so pancakes it is. Well, that and because he’s just a great kid. Babysitting was more fun than I thought it would be. Carson has a wicked sense of humor for a three-year-old and I found myself laughing a lot at his antics. He also has more energy than I expected. After watching him throw away trash for a solid half-hour, I should have figured he’d keep going until he dropped.
I’m in the middle of making a batch when Carson comes running into the room yelling, “Paw! Paw?”
He obviously can’t see me from the other side of the island, but I can see him, standing still and looking around. It’s amusing to watch him listen for some clue as to where I am when all he has to do is look up to see me.
“Paw?” he yells again, only this time Kiersten is behind him trying to shush him so I finally give.
“I’m right here, buddy.”
Finally looking in the right direction, Carson sees me, his eyes lighting up as he yells, “Paw!” and runs over to hug my leg. It’s weird how that one simple act makes a jolt of happiness run through me. No wonder everyone loves this kid so much. Baby hugs automatically make you feel happy.
Kiersten meanders in behind him with her bed head and smudged makeup. Damn she’s beautiful. I wish life circumstances were different. But failure isn’t an option and that’s what will happen if we continue with this romance and it’s not just me who stands to lose a lot.
“What are you doing?”
“Making breakfast. I figured this guy…” I pick Carson up and squeeze his side making him giggle, “would be hungry and this is the only thing I really know how to make that doesn’t require a deep fryer or grill.”
“That’s really thoughtful of you, thank you.” Kiersten settles on one of the small stools in front of me. “Did you sleep okay? I feel bad you got the couch.”
“Nah. It was no big deal. I’ve slept on the couch in the office more times than I can count. This was still better.”
She grimaces. “That lumpy old thing that smells like socks?”
I scoff. “It doesn’t smell that bad.”
“You may need to get those olfactory senses checked out because yes, yes it does. Why do you think I always opt for the plastic chair?”
I think back to the multiple times she, Tammy, and even my former bartender Desiree have been in my office and she’s right—they never sit on the couch.
“And here I thought you were just a hard worker and didn’t want to get too comfortable.”
“Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what I meant. Hard worker. Mm-hmm.” She smirks and I can’t help how much I enjoy having this small moment together. Her, rumpled from sleep. Me, dutifully making breakfast. Carson, hard at work with a puzzle. For the first time maybe ever, I can see this for my future and I want it. I want it so much it scares me.
“Since Carson is entertained and I’m still making breakfast, why don’t you go get cleaned up?” I point to a box in the corner with the spatula I’m holding. “There are a bunch of extra work shirts in there if you want to grab one. I don’t think I have any shorts that’ll fit you but at least you’ll have a clean shirt.”
“Thanks, Paul.” She begins riffling through the box, presumably to find her size. I wish I had my own oversized shirts in there. Seeing her in nothing but a giant-sized t-shirt would be quite the sight to see. Instead, I remind myself what happened last night was a one-time thing. I don’t have the right to see her intimately now that the moment has passed.
Flipping her hair around to get it out of her face, Kiersten continues with her dig. “I can’t imagine how I must look since I didn’t shower before bed.”