I snicker. “He needs to pay more attention to the monitors up here.” I gesture to the televisions hanging on the wall behind me. “The game ended a couple of hours ago. Heath already texted to let me know they’re headed this way soon.”
“Well shit.” Tammy pauses and looks around with shifty eyes before leaning in. “Do you think I should let Dwayne know before he ends up three sheets to the wind?”
“Nah. Let people have a shot at winning their money back from him for once.”
“With anyone else, I would, but I’m pretty sure this is his only form of income.”
That comment should amuse me but for some reason, I find it irritating. “Maybe I need to put up a no soliciting sign,” I grumble. “Last thing we need is a bunch of pissed off paying customers because he cons them out of their money.”
“Well, that wasn’t very kind of you. Those boys love the competition just as much as he does. And he pays his tab every night and you know it.”
She’s right to put me in my place. I put the glass of beer on her tray then begin pulling out the margarita mix. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”
“Wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain dark-haired beauty that’s called in sick for the last three days now would it?”
“It’s been four days,” I correct. “And why would my mood have anything to do with her?”
I’m a liar and we both know it.
“Since it’s suddenly important to you to keep an accurate track of the calendar, maybe because you called me in five days ago so you could babysit her kid. Suddenly the next day she’s taking time off.” One of Tammy’s eyebrows quirks up in challenge.
I accept that challenge and scoff. “Coincidence.”
“I may be old, boss, but I have eyes. You wanna know my take on it?”
“No.”
“Too bad.” She settles against the counter and I know I may be here a while. “You and that girl have been dancing around each other for months. Finally, the one night you give in and let your feelings do the talking, suddenly she ditches work and you’re in a piss poor mood for days. That’s not coincidence. That’s fact.”
She saunters away to her customers, leaving me to chew on her words. I knew I was doing a shit job of hiding my feelings, but I didn’t know I was that transparent. Or maybe I was tricking myself into believing I was keeping things to myself. Either way, I don’t like that Tammy knows something happened between Kiersten and me. It’s none of her business. This is the exact kind of mess I was trying to avoid. Now we’re having conversations about my love life while paying customers are waiting for drinks.
“One more thing.”
I finish making the margarita and roll my shoulders at the sound of her voice, trying to ward off the stress her prodding is inducing.
“Tammy,” I warn as I grab the apple pie and pop the top off. “You know I don’t play the boss card very often, but we have customers. Now isn’t the time for this conversation.”
“Our customers are completely happy right now and like you said, we have more coming, so I better say my piece before they get here.”
I want to shut her down, but the problem with Tammy is it won’t work. She’ll just hold onto her lecture until another time. Normally I respect that. She gives no fucks about how I might take things, so she always gives it to me straight. Tonight, though, I just want to get it over with and move on.
Sighing, I rest my hands on the counter and look her in the eyes, an unspoken request to say what she has to say so I can continue with my night.
“That girl is into you, too.”
I don’t respond. I was inside Kiersten just days ago. I already know how she feels. But just because Kiersten is into me doesn’t mean we’re supposed to do anything about it.
“I know you have this no fraternization policy you think is important or whatever. But frankly, you are missing out on something wonderful because you’re worried I’m going to be jealous if you give her a little bit of nepotism? Thinking I’m going to quit if she gets a better shift than me? That girl is a hard worker and a wonderful person and any little leg up she gets, I will happily let her have. And you, my friend, are going to miss out on getting to know her better because of your misguided fear that you’re going to fail me, fail her, and fail that little boy. Why do you automatically assume things are gonna go south? From what I can see, you’re more likely to have a successful and satisfying relationship because you’ll work for it. Failure is not an option and all that shit.”
Failure is not an option.
Unexpectedly, those words hit their target.
I’m flooded with memories of my dad before he left us. Lecturing us at the dinner table about success being the only important thing in life. In my face after getting a bad grade on a test, screaming about failure not being an option. His parting words of how we’ve all disappointed him by being failures as people.
I suck in a breath as I have what feels like a massive breakthrough I didn’t even know was coming.
All the hesitation I’ve had about getting involved with Kiersten. Being hyper-focused on making sure this business is successful, no matter what the sacrifice. Stressing over how to find customers and keep them happy. Working myself to the bone to be a premier location that people want to be at, to relax, and enjoy. Shoving aside relationships to keep drama out of my business and my life.
Terrified I’m going to fail.
Failure is not an option.
I hear the words in my mind again, only this time I’m not the one saying them. My father is.
It was him. It was always him in the back of my mind that has created a fear of failure. And for what? To please a man I haven’t seen in decades? Who died with not one penny to his own name because he was such a great example of practicing what he preached?
I feel like I’ve been hit in the head by a sledgehammer as everything shifts inside me. I don’t have to please him. I can fail if I want and he’ll never even know. Wouldn’t matter if he did anyway. It’s not his life. It’s mine. If I want to take a chance on a woman who makes me happy and keeps me smiling, I can. And if it doesn’t work out, at least I can say I tried.
I must have a stunned look on my face because Tammy smiles like the cat that ate the canary.
“Realizing I’m right, aren’t you? Does that mean you’re going to do something about it?”
It takes a few seconds before my head stops spinning and I can get my words in order to respond. I finally nod sheepishly knowing the first thing I need to do is apologize to the woman I hurt. “I think I need to, don’t you?”
She bangs one hand on the counter. “Thank goodness you finally figured it out. I was getting tired of wading through the sexual tension every night.”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I still have some amends to make and it’s up to her if she forgives me.”
“At least that snowball is finally moving in the right direction, though.” Tammy grabs the tray and turns to walk away then thinks better of it. “And another thing!” she yells.
What could she possibly be talking about now?
“We need more help around here. If we’re going to have all these hunky guys drinking every night, you need to start looking to hire a couple of people. At this point, there is no way this place is going to fail, even if you try to sabotage it. Give this old woman a break.”