“I know you’re hurting right now. I can’t imagine how you must feel. But how you handled this. It doesn’t seem like you,” I tell him and he frowns.
“I’m not hurting I’m mad. I’m angry, I’m fucking furious! He deserved that!” he says, his expression hard and cold. I nod.
“I’m not saying that he didn’t. But you were so busy trying to stick it to him, you didn’t notice how you were hurting your mother. Each jab you made at him cut through her,” I say, trying to get through to him. He doesn’t look at me.
“When you really need someone to talk about this. I’m here,” I tell him, handing him Caylen. I’m not sure if he’s Cal or Chris but whoever he is he won’t disappear if he has her with him and after that I need to sleep. This was just too much.
I wake up and glance at my phone. It’s 2:30 am. I head upstairs to Chris' room to make sure he’s okay with Caylen. Once I make it upstairs I see Mr. Scott sitting outside of his bedroom door, his head in his hands. I turn back around to head downstairs.
“Lauren,” he calls to me. I stop and walk back towards him. He looks terrible. Dry tear stains down his cheeks. His hair’s a mess, I can’t help but a part of me feels sorry for him.
“I know you must think I’m the lowest person on earth. After how I treated you and hearing about all this,” he says. I stand quietly not knowing what to say.
“I am the dumbest man on the planet,” he laughs at himself and starts to cry. I don’t know what to do. I wasn’t expecting to run into him.
“She’s never going to forgive me,” he whimpers. Oh this is so awkward.
“It could be worse. Cal could be back,” I joke, trying to cheer him up. He chuckles.
“That’s the worst part about this. That was Chris in there today. I made Chris like that,” he says shaking his head.
“I destroyed my family, more than Cal ever could,” he continues.
“I blamed him for my own stupidity. For the mistakes I made. I took it out on him. I hated him because he saw what I did and held it over me, and I was too much of a coward to tell my wife the truth,” he continues.
“Can you talk to her?” he says desperately.
“I-I—she probably needs time alone,” I tell him.
“No, she shouldn’t be alone. She won’t speak to me. This has to be eating her up!” He stands up and takes my hand.
“Tell her how sorry I am and how much I love her. That Lisa and I was the biggest mistake of my life and I was going through some crazy midlife crisis. I never loved anyone as much as I love Gwen. Please tell her,” he begs me, ushering me to the door.
“But how would I get in,” I ask him frantically.
“It’s not locked. She says she doesn’t want to see me and I’m respecting her wishes. I can hear her crying. She’s not asleep. Please be there for her.” I nod, I’m willing to do anything to get away from him. His despair and desperation is heavy in the air. I reluctantly turn the knob of their bedroom and it opens like he says. I give a weak smile as I go in and close the door behind me.
“Mrs. Scott,” I call quietly. I see the light in their master bathroom on. I walk in and see Mrs. Scott sitting on the floor, her back resting up against their tub. She’s not crying, but she looks dazed.
“I-I hope I’m not bothering you,” I say. She glances up at me and gives me a small smile.
“William asked you to come in here didn’t he?” she asks. Her voice is dry and scratchy. She must have been crying for hours.
“Yeah,” I say, not knowing if I should smile or cry with her. I can do either seeing how different she looks—like she’s aged five years.
“I-I could go out if you want to be alone,” I say quietly and she shakes her head so I sit down on the toilet top. She’s quiet for a long time.
“I spent so much time in this bathroom when I sick,” she says after a couple of minutes.
“The chemo made me feel so terrible,” she continues.
“I came in here to try to hide how sick it made me. I knew how much it hurt them to see me hurting,” she says, clearing her throat.
“I literally wanted to die. I really did. Every single day, I was so sick of being sick,” she says tightly holding her head.
“But I held on. I fought, and I fought because I knew if I did die they would never be the same, that they couldn’t handle life without me then. I didn’t want to leave my family in disarray. I asked God to just make me stronger and better even if it was just long enough to make Chris love his dad again, how he used to,” she says and her voice shatters at the last part.
“I know when the affair started,” she shakes her head.
“William, he was happy. Happier than he had been in such a long time,” she laughs but she’s bitter and looks like she’s hurts her.
“He had been going through some type of—the only thing I could call it is a mid-life crisis. He hadn’t been himself. Kind of withdrawn, he kept saying he didn’t feel accomplished. He wasn’t happy and I tried everything to get him to be happy but I couldn’t break through the wall he put up. He had been like that for months, and then one day out of the blue the funk was over. He was back to the man I knew and loved,” she sighs and tears fill her eyes again.
“I thought it was because of something I had done. That he had fallen in love with me again and all along he was happy because he was sleeping with someone the same age as our son,” she starts to cry.
“It makes me sick. They did it in our house. Our house, Lauren. How could they do that?” she says, crying harder.
“I let her sleep in my home, I taught her how to cook. Oh God, she asked me for advice about boys,” she shakes her head.
“How stupid have I been? All of that time she was wearing her little shorts and tiny tops I thought she was flaunting herself to get Chris’ attention, and she was after my husband. She had an affair with my husband,” she says, hitting her lap. I get up and crouch down and hug her—tight and long—she hugs me back.
“I couldn’t have children Lauren. I could never give him a child,” she cries into my shoulder.
“They broke my baby, Lauren, and made their own. I can’t forgive them for that. I can’t,” she says, squeezing me harder.
Chapter 17
Lauren
We left the day after the bomb was dropped. Mrs. Scott left before us, headed to her sister’s. She’s not sure what she’s ultimately going to do but she says she can’t stay in that house with Mr. Scott any longer. We offered for her to come to Chicago with us whenever she wants. She says she will take us up on the offer. Well, it wasn’t really us that made the offer to be honest, it was me.
Chris.
I don’t even feel right calling him Chris anymore, because he’s different. That night he found out everything from Lisa he was so angry and acted completely out of character but I’d prefer that to whoever he is now. He’s withdrawn, quiet and moody.
Just a shell of himself.
When I heard Lisa’s secret I knew things were about to get bad, but the moment the words left his mouth, that he has a little sister, there are no words for that. I knew it was going to be an uphill battle and we were already stationed so far underground. How he’s been acting that I didn’t expect. We’ve been in Chicago for three weeks and he hasn’t cried, he doesn’t laugh, he barely speaks. He’s like a droid drained of any personality whatsoever. The only time I see a hint of himself is when he plays with Caylen. I see a flicker of joy, a moment of happiness every now and then but besides that, nothing. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone, not even his mom. She calls every day to check on him and he just sits on the phone giving one or two word answers. Everyone else he’s shut out completely.