Cal and I always had a deal. I help him, I let him know when Christopher will come out, and I’m on his team. I’m never biased or choose sides, but Chris of course couldn’t handle knowing about us. He can’t handle life when it gets difficult, so Calvin and I worked together. We have never considered each other friends, but amicable. In the past, our agendas have aligned more than Christopher’s and mine.
Now they don’t.
Calvin’s problem is that he never thinks strategically only emotionally. He and Christopher do have that in common, though they handle it in vastly different ways. This is the first time mine and Calvin’s motives aren’t in alignment, and now that they aren’t, he could be a problem.
He will have to be contained.
She’s in the doorway, her eyes downcast, her arms folded across her chest. “I want to talk to someone,” her voice is quiet and conciliatory.
“Haven’t you been seeing Helen?” I ask her curiously though I already know the answer. I make it a point to make sure to know how often they speak.
“Yes, but I think it’d probably be better for me to talk to someone else, someone not so connected to everything.” She walks toward me and sits on the opposite side of the bed.
“Is everything ok?” I ask her trying to hide my concern. It’s easy for Calvin and Chris to get so wrapped up in their own issues that they don’t realize how much pressure Lauren can be under. She’s only human, and the last thing I need is for her to have a psychotic breakdown. It concerns me that she wants to talk to someone else. I know she had her issues with trusting the Crestfields but I thought we had gotten over that.
“Yeah,” she nods. “Actually no,” she follows up with quickly. I turn towards her.
“I’m sorry about how I acted earlier.” Her hazel eyes are striking as the day I first saw them. When she hones them in on you, when she doesn’t try to hide how she’s feeling, they tell her whole story.
“I’m sorry too,” I tell her, and she smiles softly. “I know I’m not your father.”
“No, you were right. Partially at least,” she adds with a grin. “I’m an adult and can do what I want, but maybe I have developed certain patterns that aren’t entirely healthy. I don’t know how to handle… all of this sometimes. It can be a little overwhelming and I want to talk to someone who isn’t so involved, who doesn’t have a bias,” she says hesitantly.
“Helen, you want to talk to someone who isn’t Helen?” I know I’ve grown on Lauren. I know that she loves me, regardless of what Calvin says. Lauren loves all of us. We’re one but she can’t help being skeptical of me, and I can’t blame her for that.
“If you want to see someone else you should,” I tell her. She looks at me and her eyes light up, but then she rubs the back of her neck. I stretch across the bed and pull her toward me.
“I never told anyone. I never had a chance before everything got so hectic,” she says with a small sigh. I swallow hard and feel my heartbeat becoming erratic. I try to steady it, and take slow deep breaths that won’t alarm her.
“Dexter Sr. threatened me.” She looks me in the eyes, and I can hear my heartbeat in my ears now loud and echoing.
“It wasn’t a threat to kill me or anything but when he found out Chris was trying to see another doctor, he basically said that he’d ruin us financially. Not only us but also Raven… Hillary,” she says quietly and I have to let out a laugh. This isn’t a big deal; Dexter Sr. is full of shit, and a control freak. He is not anyone to be afraid of, and I know more than my fair share of dirt so she doesn’t have to be afraid. I feel prickles of anger rising up and a thirst to lash out is coursing through me and I know it’s Cal.
“You don’t have to be afraid of him,” I turn her face so I can see her. “He’s threatened when he isn’t in control of things. Control is his drug. Don’t worry about any of the Crestfields.”
“Not even you,” she says lightly. There is a twinkle in her eye and it causes me to grin. She really does see me as one of the… “You’re a knock off Dexter.” I swallow hard when Cal’s words echo through my mind.
“I’m only kidding.” She squeezes my hand reassuringly as she must have seen my reaction to Cal’s words.
“You can see whoever you want Lauren. He won’t interfere, and I’ll make sure of that.”
She looks relieved and rests her head on my shoulder. I inhale her scent, and let out a deep breath.
“Christopher is going to come back,” I tell her quickly and her body stiffens. She looks at me her face littered with shock.
“What do you mean?” she asks nervously.
“He’s ready now, and he has to get treatment from Helen.” I try not to reveal a hint of emotion because I shouldn’t feel any. I don’t do emotions, but I can’t say that seeing her eyes light up at his name doesn’t make my stomach turn. It’s a new feeling. Being indifferent is so much easier, but what’s more important is that I have to contain Calvin and it’s easier to do with Christopher being at the forefront. She looks at me as if she’s studying me.
“You… you know when he’s coming out?” she asks, her brows knitting together.
I nod. “I know everything, Lauren.” This is what I love about her. She asks questions but never the right ones. She squints at me, and I can tell she’s having a silent battle with herself, unsure of what to say or how to feel. She lets out a deep breath and presses her hands to her cheek.
“How long is he going to stay?” Her voice is shaky and low.
“As long as it takes,” I tell her. She turns her body fully toward me, her eyes seem sad and I grip her chin.
“Don’t you miss him?” My voice is tighter than I imagined it being. Her eyes drop to her chest.
“This is so…” She says throwing her head back. Her neck is long and perfect, and I fight the urge to kiss it, to leave my mark on her.
“I’m sorry. You being honest is exactly what I’ve wanted for so long. It’s just I’m still… I’m trying to get used to it,” she whispers.
“Sometimes what you think you want the most isn’t all you dreamed it would be,” I tell her and our eyes meet. She clears her throat and her gaze lands back on her lap.
“Does Chris know that he’s coming back?”
“No.”
“And he won’t remember anything?”
“No,” I tell her again. She bites her lip and shakes her head.
“So I’ll be left to try to put him back together again.” She laughs mirthlessly.
“He won’t want to see Helen. He was so angry the last time he was here.” I take her hand and pull her toward me and lift her onto my lap. She rests her head on my shoulder.
“And he’s going to be upset about…” She trails off as my fingers run up and down her back.
“Us.” Our eyes lock on each other’s.
“You don’t have to tell him.” She leans back, so we’re eye to eye.
“You mean lie to him?” Her brows furrow together, her eyes like glass, lips stained with the red wine she drank earlier.