“But with Collin, I’m not sure. He says that he wants you all to integrate, and he doesn’t seem scared or opposed to it at all.”
I look at her in disbelief. “You’re saying he’s neutral?”
She looks at me blankly. “I think so…”
I fight the urge to laugh. He’s neutral, yeah right. If he were neutral, he would have told me a long time ago that he exists.
“So you’re saying he has no interest in being the last one standing?” This time I can’t help but laugh.
“I don’t know. I only know what he says. As far as I can tell if he wanted to be… he’s in the best position for that to happen,” she says quietly, her eyes on the table. I feel my face scrunch up.
“What?” I ask her, not able to cover my frustration.
“He knows more about what’s going on than you and Cal. I told you what he’s told me, but after him being here I think he may have more control than you… and Cal...” she says hesitantly. I lean forward to make sure I ’m hearing her correctly.
“He told me when you were coming back,” she adds quietly, and my mouth falls open. That’s how she knew it was me, why she had my favorite sandwich ready, and didn’t look shocked. I stand from the table and pace the kitchen trying to get rid of some of the nervous energy building inside of me. I grip my head.
“But I’m not a doctor, and I don’t know if he’s telling the truth. Maybe he only guessed this time, or maybe he knows every time. You need to talk to Helen. He scheduled appointments for you every day for the next week.”
“Oh, so at least I’ll be here for a week,” I say sarcastically. I watch her head drop to her chest and realize I’m upset with the wrong person. I’m taking out my frustration on her, and I don’t want to do that. I asked her to tell me about this guy and she did, and now I’m punishing her for it.
“I’m sorry, Lauren. I don’t mean to take this out on you.” I sit back down at the table. She smiles at me, but it’s halfhearted. We’re quiet for a few moments.
“How are you doing?” I don’t think I’ve asked her that in a long time. I know what I’m going through, but I can’t even put myself in her place. She smiles, but it’s tight.
“I’m here,” she says simply.. Guilt courses through me. I’ve got to get it together for her and for Caylen.
“Where’s Caylen?” I ask, and her face brightens up.
“I asked Angie to take her today, and she’s bringing her back tomorrow morning. When Collin told me you were coming back, I thought we’d need today to get adjusted to everything.”
I’m irritated that he’s the one who gets to offer Lauren a solution, even if it is temporary.
“Did he say why I was coming?” I hate how ridiculous I sound.
“He said you needed to talk to Helen to get stable for integration.”
I fold my hands tightly together on the table. “Do they know about him. Dexter─”
“Yes.” She interrupts me. Figures…
“So he’s the smartest, knows the most. What else should I know? Two months is a long time,” I try to keep the annoyance out of my voice, but I fail.
Over the next half hour, Lauren fills me in on his daily work schedule, how he’s met my mother and how she doesn’t hate him—which in my mind means that she likes him if Lauren’s trying to edit her words to protect my feelings. She says he gets along well with Caylen, which should make me happy but it doesn’t but I keep a straight face not letting her know that this conversation is making me feel worse instead of better. Regardless of how it makes me feel I need to know these things. Knowledge is power and I’m at the low end of the totem pole, and that’s got to change. It turns my stomach to think of sitting with Helen—her being in charge of my treatment, knowing all of our secrets—but I’m starting to realize shutting her out, and making her my adversary wasn’t a good idea. I realize seeing her alone isn’t the smartest thing. I have to see another doctor. I need Lauren’s support, and I can’t shut her out this time. I need all the support I can get. If this guy has all of the memories, I need to have all of the people. I have my parents… my stomach drops thinking of that situation. The good thing is my mom is coming. Even if he set it up, I’m her son—I’m who she raised. I think of my dad and our last conversation.
“Has he spoken to my dad?” I can see I’ve surprised her by referencing him as my dad.
“No, he hasn’t. When we were there, he stayed away from him,” she says quietly. I fold my hands together tightly. I’ve got to talk to him, even if it makes my blood boil to think of it. I can’t believe what he did to my mom, to our family, to Lisa—well, he didn’t do anything to Lisa, if anything they did things to each other—but I know without a doubt if he’d be on anyone’s side it’s mine, and I’m going to need his help.
“There’s another thing,” she says as she clears her throat. Great.
“Go ahead,” I tell her trying to keep my voice steady.
“I’m opening a gallery.”
The fist around my heart loosens. “Really?” I am in shock.
“Yeah, we have the space. I’ve ordered the furniture and I have already set up artists to feature.” She seems happy, but her voice is on the edge of nervous, and I’m not sure why.
“Lauren, that’s great. Wow. That happened fast.”
“I-I didn’t do it alone though,” she says shakily, rubbing her arms. I feel my brow arch.
“Collin, uhm he sort of bought the property and did some of the groundwork,” she mutters.
I feel myself flinch. “Oh,” is all I can manage to say.
“I just… I didn’t want to mention it but, I want to be honest with you. No secrets between us.”
I can’t say what she just said doesn’t sting. He bought her a gallery and helped her open it. While Cal and I drive her crazy, he swoops in and becomes the good guy.
“You deserve it, Lauren.” I walk over to her and pull her into a hug. She feels so good and smells as good as she looks. She rests her head on my chest and relaxes in my arms.
“I’m sorry you have to deal with all of this,” I whisper to her, she looks up at me and smiles.
“I’d rather be in it than out.”
I kiss her forehead. “Did you miss me?” I didn’t want to ask, but it just comes out.
“Of course I did,” she tells me, and her expression is so open and honest.
“So you were okay while I was gone?” She nods and I’m glad that she was okay, but I can’t say that it hurts. With Cal, he usually screws something up when he comes back, but with this guy…
“Were you happy?”
Her smile fades. “Let’s not do this Chris.” She steps away from me.
“It’s just a question,” I say, but my voice sounds desperate.
“There’s not a right answer for me to give you, is there?” she asks sullenly.
“I want you to be happy.” I mean it with every fiber in me.
She nods, a sad smile on her face. “But only if it’s with you right?”