“Calm down, Mina,” he murmurs in my ear. “Relax. We’re just sitting here.”
“But… people are looking, Shay…” My breathing is coming in quick, uneven gasps and I was feeling a little dizzy. Great, now I’m having an anxiety attack on top of this.
“It’s fine, Mina!” He snaps and gives me a small shake. “Just chill. We’re hanging out, that’s all.” He nods to Ava who was coming back with a drink for Aron, who had followed us over. She smiles a little too warmly at Shay as he orders a beer for himself and a vodka cran.
“I’m not drinking,” I tell him, assuming that cocktail was for me.
“Loosen up, Mina,” Aron says as he settles in one of the lounge chairs. Leif sits in the second one, and Gavin has taken my place against Cody at the pool table and is in the middle of making a break. None of them seem at all bothered to see me sitting on Shay’s lap this way. I look around the room for James, knowing that he would most likely have a problem with it. After all, he has no idea that Shay and I have started sharing a bed again. But he was nowhere to be seen. In fact, none of the members, nor their family members look at all surprised or scandalized at the sight of me sitting on my stepbrother’s lap this way. Except for the girls at Kate’s table. They are all watching this interaction with great interest, and I can see them whispering to each other. They are way too focused on us, and it only makes my anxiety worse. I blush and curl up into Shay, who immediately hugs me close, his thumb slowly circling my shoulder.
When Ava comes back, she hands me my drink with a small smile and a wink. I hold the glass, but I don’t take a sip. I’ve never had any alcohol before. Never wanted to. Especially after witnessing what it did to my mother. Seeing how depressed she was and how it slowly destroyed her put me off booze. That, and the memory of that bitch Dana trying to force a bottle down my throat... I hold back tears and shake my head, angry that Shay is being so insensitive right now.
“Have a sip, Mina,” Shay tells me, his mouth touching the curve of my ear.
“Shay, I am really not comfortable with this.” I keep my eyes on the hall that leads to the back, knowing that James is somewhere close by, probably still talking with Shawn in his office. I need him to come out and back me up on this.
“Stop worrying, Mina. No one is going to turn you in here,” he laughs.
“I don’t give a shit about being underage,” I tell him.
“Mina, don’t challenge me in front of my brothers…” he hisses suddenly in my ear and I shudder when I hear the impatience in his tone. Don’t upset him, Mina! Keep him happy. He’s all you’ve got!
I take the tiniest of sips. It’s not bad, actually. It tastes mostly like a fruity sort of juice, but with a small bite to it that I know must be the vodka. I make a face and swallow and the boys laugh. I scrunch up my nose at them, flipping them off briefly, and keep looking around for James, hoping that any minute he’ll appear and save me from this awkward situation.
But time ticks by, and eventually the guys finish their pool game (Cody won again), several beers each, and start to disperse. Gavin headed back to the bar where he continues to sit quietly, his dark eyes on Lindsey the entire time. Aron and Leif disappear upstairs, and I wonder if they still have their game room, or if they got rid of it with the renovations. Cody has moved over to Kate’s table, where he flirts shamelessly with the girls. I can see Kate’s flushed face and how thrilled she is at his attention. As much as I want to slide off Shay’s lap and go talk to her, Cody’s presence there kind of deters that idea.
“Um, Shay? Can I get off now? My leg is bothering me.”
Instead, he shifts me so I’m sitting sideways on his thighs so that my legs stretch out along the length of the couch, and places two pillows beneath them. He says not a word, but takes another sip of his beer and relaxes back into the soft leather. I feel safe here with him, and relax against his chest, my head drooping against his shoulder just beneath his chin.
“Drink up, Mina.”
I feel a bubble of resentment rise in my throat, “I’m not in the mood for alcohol, Shay.” I peek up at him and fix him with a hard look. Why can’t he understand this?
Slowly, Shay turns his head, his silver eyes fixated on mine, his expression tense and shadowed. “Mina.” The hand on my back slides up until it's twisted in my blonde hair, and grips a handful. His eyes flash to me, the look on his face turning fierce. “You don’t want to upset me, right, Mina?” I stare back at him, my heart beating hard against my chest as his words sink in. “You don’t want to cause problems, right? You don’t want to be the reason I lose control or be the one to cause the monster in my mind to destroy all that’s left of my sanity?”
I stare at him in horror while a shiver of fear races up and down my spine at his words. My hands are clammy and I can actually feel the blood drain from my face. I shake my head vehemently, terrified of the picture he painted. He’s right, he is all I have left. He’s the only one that’s been at my side since that horrible night. He’s been here for me, making sure I feel good, that the dark thoughts and memories don’t haunt me. I’ve witnessed that darkness that consumes him… to hear him say I would be the reason behind him losing his mind makes me feel ill. The last thing I want to do is upset him.
“Now just do what I say, and everything will be fine. Okay?” The hand on my stomach tenses a bit, and it feels almost like a threat. It is a threat. I nod obediently and he leans in and gives my cheek a small kiss. “Good girl. Now, drink up and enjoy yourself.”
The Past…
Mina: Thirteen Years Old
October
Halloween was coming up soon. For a whole month, I’d been trying my hardest to bring some sort of happiness and calm into our house. Shay’s crazy freak-out at the club a few weeks ago, has been one of the lowest points in my life. Since then, I’ve pretty much been at his beck and call. If he was feeling at all anxious and I wasn’t there, I was retrieved and brought to him so I could keep him relaxed and calm. If we were home, he’d pull me into his lap on the couch for a snuggle session. I became a sort of weird, human security blanket.
Mum and Shay were fighting more than ever now, and it was awkward as hell, as it was usually about me. She wanted him to back off, as we were practically joined at the hip, and would throw a fit, even threatening to send me away to school. He’d retaliate by intimidating her by promising to commit some physically violent act against her, and that would set James off, who would then intervene and try to explain to her that Shay had some issues that he as dealing with, and the quickest way to keep him stable was to simply let him be around me.
But at night, James made sure it was known my room was still off limits to him. However, I’d occasionally hear him pacing outside my door, or he’d knock softly on it. Yawning, I’d stumble outside wearing my warm, flannel cupcake pajamas and we’d sit on the couch together and wait for his episode to be over.
I bore my new responsibility as best as I could, but I was stressed to hell. If Shay wasn’t upset, then Mum was. If mum wasn’t upset, she was drunk. If James wasn’t at the club, he was at home, stomping around the house, fed up with Mum’s drinking and how Shay liked to pick fights with him. Everyone was angry. Everyone was strained. I felt like it was my duty to keep everyone happy. I tried to smile and keep conversation light whenever we ate dinner together (though it was a rare occurrence). I cleaned up where I could. I did my homework and concentrated on getting good grades so my parents had one less thing to worry about.