My heart stuttered when I realized he had been watching and felt my cheeks flush even more than they were already. He came… after everything that had happened, he came to watch me dance.
But before I could really savour the thought, Miss Riley had stepped onto the stage under the spotlight to thank the family and friends for coming to support the dancers that evening, and encouraged everyone to help themselves to the tables in the main hall that were laden with snacks and coffee.
I quickly change into a pair of black tights and a baby pink hoodie and white sneakers before hitching my bag over my shoulder. I run my fingers through my hair and put it up in a typical ballet bun and step out into the hall where all the parents and friends of the students are waiting. Even though I saw him leave, I keep hoping I’ll see Keenan’s breathtakingly handsome face watching from the crowd.
“Sweetness!” A huge figure descends upon me and scoops me up into the air, holding me under my butt. I squeal and laugh as I look down at Shay’s messy head. He grins cheekily up at me, “You were beautiful! Perfect!” he says as he spins us around. Behind him, James, Marty and Helen, and Shawn and Raya step forward. I’ve barely seen any of them since that unfortunate day years ago, and felt suddenly shy around them. Shay puts me down and, catching me off guard, he cups my face and kisses me right on the mouth.
I freeze from the kiss and my eyes widen in shock, but it doesn’t last long. He pulls back, grinning wide, acting as though it was perfectly normal for him to have kissed me in such a way. The blood drains a bit from my face as I take a step away from him. Still in shock, I turn to greet the others as they each come forward to give me a hug. The grown-ups act completely unfazed by what they just saw, and not at all nervous or as uncomfortable as I feel. So maybe I’m just overthinking it.
No, you’re not… that small voice in the back of my head whispers nastily as I receive hug after hug, though the ones from Marty and Shawn were stiff as hell. Last I saw them they were… Ew, no!
James comes up last and holds me tightly, “Congratulations, Baby Girl,” he murmurs into my hair, “You were amazing. So proud of you.”
“Thank you… thank you all for coming. It means so much to me.” I step back and smile shyly at them. Shay then produces a bouquet of daisies for me and I can’t help the smile that pulls up the corners of my mouth. I take them but avoid his intense gaze, and look away, hoping that perhaps I had been mistaken and that Keenan was hiding in the shadows, watching… or Mum was here somewhere.
James seems to know what I’m thinking because he places a heavy hand on my shoulder. “Your mother wanted to be here, but she couldn’t make it.”
I feel that familiar ache at his words. Lowering my gaze to the flowers and nodding, my smile slides off my face. When I manage to compose myself, I look at the others who are all watching, clearly concerned about how I’m going to take this. Aw shit, I don’t want this to ruin my mood, so I force a grin at them and try to count my blessings. At least they had made the effort to be here, “Well, thank you all again for being here.”
“Wouldn’t have missed it.” Shay drops an arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his side. “You were the best one out there… by a longshot.”
“The others were all like, eight years old!” I laugh, trying to push past the awkwardness between us from his kiss.
“Not the other solo dancers. The second girl looked like she was eighteen.”
“She’s fourteen!”
Shay rolls his eyes. “Just take the damn compliment, Mina!”
I chuckle and lower my gaze as I clutch the bouquet. “Alright then, thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“As much as I would like to stay and hang out, there’s a meeting going on at the club tonight that I have to be there for,” James said, breaking the moment. I look up to see him and Marty exchange wary looks. Huh, maybe it wasn’t going to be a typical night of boozing and whoring. I could feel the sudden tension between them.
I look up at Shay. “Are you going, too?”
He frowns, nodding. “Sorry, but I have an assignment in the city tonight. I left you some supper in the fridge. You just have to warm it up in the oven first.”
“Is Mum home?”
“She’s asleep, so try to keep the noise down….” James adds.
Of course she was, I thought bitterly. “Okay. I guess I better get going then before it gets dark.”
“I’ll drop you off,” Shay said.
I shake my head, suddenly not really wanting to be alone with him. “No, it’s okay. It’s early enough that I can make it back before sunset. Go ahead and do your… assignment.” I turn red. What kind of bullshit was he up to? Nope, never mind. I don’t want to know. The less I know, the better I’ll sleep at night.
“Congratulations again, sweetie.” James pulls me from Shay and gives me a chaste kiss on the crown of my head.
I left the auditorium on my own, prepared to take the twenty minute walk home. The performance had been in town at the regular studio and theatre so I wasn’t worried about being out on my own with so many others around. I knew this area well, and I knew the way like the back of my hand. It was only when I was walking up the lonely road that led to my house that I felt suddenly nervous. I stopped and glanced behind myself, but there were no cars, no people… just a long empty street with thick forest on either side. Unable to shake the feeling like I was being watched, I hurried up the steps, eager to get inside. Even the hairs on the back of my neck were standing on end.
I unlock the front door and throw myself inside. I quickly secure the locks behind myself and turn on the lights. The house is quiet, and there is no sign of Mum.
“Mum?” I call. Despite James warning me to be quiet, I was uncertain as I stepped into the place. Where the hell was she? “Mum!” I called again. I headed up the stairs leading to the hallway that overlooked the bottom floor and went straight to my parents’ room and tapped on the door, “Mum?” I opened it.
There she was, lying in bed with a huge almost empty bottle of vodka at her side. Her breathing was steady and deep, fast asleep. Relief washed over me, despite my feelings of resentment towards my mother. But she was okay. Piss drunk, but okay.
“I’m sorry you weren’t well enough to come to my recital…” I whispered and closed the door.
I heated up the meatloaf that Shay and James had prepared for dinner and some peas for the side. I ate in the dining room, my muscles now getting sore from the dance. I would allow myself a few days to take it easy before getting back into it again. I’d pushed myself for tonight and it had paid off. I was feeling pretty damn good about myself. I was proud. Miss Riley had recorded my recital and it would be part of my audition tapes to get into a dance school once I graduated.
It’s then that my mother suddenly decides to make an appearance. She stumbles out of her bedroom upstairs and makes her way down the hall and almost falls down the steps as she enters the kitchen. She sees me sitting at the dinner table, nods, and goes to the sink. Turning on the faucet, she dips her head under and sucks up the water, drinking noisily and heavily.
“When’s your recital thing?” she mumbles, finally rising and turning it off.