“I don’t belong to anyone, Shay,” my voice breaks again, and I keep fighting back the bile that is creeping up my throat, from the sight of the blood. No matter how hard I try to stop, tears keep sliding down my face, falling into my lap. I reach up and try to pry his hands loose but he refuses to let go. “I am my own person. I need to live my own life. I need to get away and-”
“You aren’t going fucking anywhere!” he shouts, his face red and his whole body was shaking. “If you ever try to fucking leave, I will drag you back here!”
“I’m not meant for this life, Shay!” I sob.
“You are meant to be mine! I am not letting this go, Mina… you need to wake up and realize that I’m the only one for you. I’m all you will ever need.” His uninjured hand snaps out and grasps my chin and he crushes his mouth almost painfully to mine before he pulls back just enough so that we’re staring into each other’s eyes… mine, which are swimming with tears, and his, which are filled with rage. “I won’t let you go. So whoever this other guy is, if he tries to take you from me, I will kill him. Do you understand? I. Will. Fucking. Kill. Him.”
I feel the blood drain from my face at his words. I’m so paralyzed with fear that I simply stare back at him, silent tears running down my cheeks, and my mouth hangs open in shock.
“If you do as I say, if you commit to me, I’ll spare him. I won’t hunt him down and make him suffer… I won’t even try to find out who he is. But if you don’t,” at this, the shadows around his eyes seem to grow, and the smallest of smiles curl up the corners of his mouth, “I will find him, and I will figure it out, Mina. I promise you. And I will make him hurt. I will make him bleed. He’ll scream and beg, and I’ll smile and revel in his suffering. And you know what? It will be your fault… because you told me no.”
I can’t breathe. My hands fall limply to my lap, and I stare at the man who I now realize is a monster, one I had trusted my whole life. And now, in a matter of seconds, he shattered all the memories, all the confidence and love that I’d placed in him. It was gone, and all that was left was a hollow sort of void in my heart.
“This is what I need now, Mina. This is what you need to do if you want those three things I once asked you. If you want to be happy, if you don’t want to cause any problems, if you don’t want to push me to the edge,” His words send a chill through my veins and I actually start shivering. “Then you’ll do this. You’ll be with me like this… do you understand?” When I don’t speak, he gives me another hard shake. “Mina!” he snarls. “Do you want me to lose it? Do you want to be the reason I fucking tear this house apart?”
I quickly shake my head, terrified when I see how he’s hanging on the edge of his control by his fingertips.
His hands relax, going from gripping my face, to cradling it gently as he watches my body visibly deflate as the fight drains out of me. “Mina,” he murmurs, his voice still using the same, soft threatening tone as before. “What are you going to do? Will you be mine and stay with me? Or…” One of his dark brows arcs, almost like a challenge, as though daring me to not pick him. Like I still might consider risking someone else’s life…
I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I can’t talk. I feel like a shell. His thumb strokes my cheek, encouraging me to give him an answer. I try again, but nothing comes out.
“Mina?” his voice rises slightly, coming off a little harsher, a warning.
I have no other choice. Since I couldn’t speak, I could only lifelessly nod before my body gave out, and I slumped against him, feeling like I was truly drowning in this moment… I was never going to get away…
The Past…
Mina: Sixteen Years Old
June
“Mum, may I talk to you?”
Mum stirred from where she lay in the master suite of our house. She wasn’t drunk… maybe a little hungover, but sober enough for a conversation. James and Shay were downstairs having breakfast, but I wanted a few minutes to talk to her alone. It was Saturday, the night of my recital, and I needed to talk to my mother before we went over.
Mum’s eyes, which were so similar to mine, drifted my way. The room was dark, the curtains closed, and she was sprawled across the king bed she shared with James. She looked like a mess… her dark hair was tangled and unkempt, and she looked like she hadn’t showered in a few days. She was in a pair of sweats and wrinkled t-shirt that had a stain on it… a stain of what, I couldn’t tell. Honestly, I really didn’t want to know.
“Sure, honey… just… speak softly, okay?” Mum murmured, remaining where she lay. I sighed, casting my mother a critical once-over before stepping into the in-suite bathroom. I came back with a glass of water and handed it to her. Mum gave me a small smile and drank nearly all of it before she set it aside on the bedside table. “What do you want to talk about?”
I perched on the edge of the bed, my hands clasped in my lap. I found I couldn’t look into my mother’s eyes without feeling a bubble of disappointment and bitterness swelling inside me, so I focused on the dark swirling pattern on the dark comforter instead. “Tonight is my recital.”
“I’ll be there, you know that,” Mum moaned slightly and pressed her fingers to her temple as though she was suffering from a horrible headache. Most likely she was.
“Sober, Mum. I want you there sober.”
Mum’s gaze was sad as she shakily looked up at me. I stared pleadingly down at her, pitying the woman my mother had become. For a long time, neither of us spoke, until Mum cleared her throat. “I really fucked things up, didn’t I?”
I stilled at her words and held my breath. Never had she admitted to any fault. She always cast the blame to Shay, the club, and occasionally James. I stared at her, feeling lightheaded as she went on.
“After your father died… I was so afraid of being alone. James seemed… he was so confident and sure of himself. I fell hard. I wasn’t thinking…”
I glanced at the doorway nervously before looking back to my mother. I lowered my voice to keep the sound from travelling out into the hall. “You fell in love, Mum. That’s not your fault…”
“I didn’t protect you. We should have gotten out a long time ago… but I’m weak, Mina.” She shook her head sadly and closed her eyes. “And now we’re trapped.”
I didn’t know what to say. I always knew my mum was unhappy, that she was struggling. But she had never openly talked about it. She knew James cheated on her on occasion with the sweetbutts. She fought with him about the club often. She drank to make herself feel better. My heart suddenly ached for my mother. I reached out and gently took a long strand of her dark hair and carefully started to run my fingers through it, working through the knots and tangles.
“You need to get far away from here, Mina… before they trap you, too…”
I scoffed a little at that. “Please, Mum… once I graduate high school, I’m off to study dance and I’ll move to a city and join a company.” I thought about Keenan’s words about how he pictured me living my life and smiled, fighting back the bubble of happiness in my belly as I thought about the beach.