He was being paranoid, Spider knew that. Abigail was perfectly safe with Cookie, the man was a fellow SEAL, and was perfectly capable of eliminating any threats. Since Alex Irwin had waited until Abby was alone before going after her he didn’t think the man would try anything until he could get her alone again.
Which wasn’t happening.
Until they had Alex in custody, Abigail would have someone with her twenty-four hours a day. Taking chances with her safety wasn’t an option, not only was she still recovering from the physical ramifications of her imprisonment but the psychological ones as well.
“Spider?”
“Yeah?” He didn’t even bother turning to look at Fox.
“What do you think about …”
The front door opened and he didn’t even pretend that he cared about whatever Fox was saying he just walked over to Abigail, and dragged her into his arms.
She laughed—a real, light, happy laugh—and hugged him back. “I take it you’re happy to see me.”
“I missed you.”
“I was only gone what, like nine hours,” she said, eyes twinkling.
“You saying you didn’t miss me?”
“Nope.”
Spider couldn’t take his eyes off her, Abigail looked different, there was color to her cheeks and her eyes looked alive; she seemed more relaxed. He knew that one session with a therapist wasn’t enough to help her get over what she’d been through, but it seemed like it had been a good first step.
Fox cleared his throat. “We’ll leave you two love birds alone.”
Night made a groaning sound and Abigail frowned at him. “We’re together, big brother, you better get used to it. Ryder and I have sex and we’re going to keep having sex, so make your peace with it now.”
The others laughed and even Night cracked a smile. “I’ll do my best, little sister. Spider, I’m sure it goes without saying you break my sister’s heart and I break you.”
Ignoring the irony that Night was partly responsible for the previous breaking of Abigail’s heart, Spider knew it was time to let the past stay in the past and focus on the future. A future he was determined not to mess up this time. “I won’t be breaking any hearts here, if anyone ends this it won’t be me.” May as well declare his intentions with an audience and make sure everyone knew that Abby was it for him.
“I won’t be ending anything, I love you, Ryder.”
As he captured her lips and kissed her whoops, whistles, and cheers sounded around them, and when he ended the kiss and slung an arm around Abigail’s shoulders he couldn’t help but laugh.
“We’ll meet up again tomorrow morning,” Fox said as everyone collected their things and headed to the door. “Hopefully we’ll have something to work with by then. Tex is doing everything he can to dig up anything out there about Alex, Perez, and the cartel.”
Once they were alone, Spider drew her close but she pushed him away. “We need to talk.”
Spider would worry that it was bad news, but she’d just declared in front of her brother and his entire team that she loved him so he knew it wasn’t that. Taking her hand, he led her to the couch and sat her down. Sitting beside her, he held her hands and waited for her to speak, it was clear from the expression on her face that this wasn’t easy for her.
“Ryder, I’m …” she paused, her gaze darting around the room before steadfastly meeting his. “I’m not okay.” When he opened his mouth to say something she shook her head and continued. “I’m scared all the time, the idea of going anywhere where there will be a lot of people terrifies me, and so does the idea of being alone. I get this panicky feeling inside me like one wrong move or word is going to release the plug holding my emotions in check, and they’re going to come flooding out and crush me. I … I’m scared I won’t be able to keep the plug in forever.”
“You don’t have to, sweetheart,” he said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “No one expects you to.”
“I have to,” she insisted.
“Why?” He was glad she was opening up, glad she’d finally spoken with someone who could help her, and he wanted to understand everything so he knew how best to support her.
“Because I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
“You getting hurt,” she admitted, finally dropping her gaze.
“Me getting hurt? What do you mean?”
“You love me.”
“And that’s a problem?” Spider had no idea where she was going with this.
Abigail gave a half-smile. “No, it’s not a problem, but you love me and you worry about me, and when you get called away—which we know you will at some point—if I fall apart you’re going to be thinking about me and not your mission. What if you get hurt?”
From the look in her eyes Spider knew she was legitimately concerned about this, and he didn’t really know what to say to reassure her. If he told her that he wouldn’t worry about her it would be a lie and she would know it, but if he told her he would worry about her while he was away then she’d continue to feel like she had to hold everything in.
“Honey, I don’t want you to worry about that.” His hand cradled her cheek and he let his fingers stroke along her smooth skin.
“How can I not? How would I cope if, because of me, you or one of your team got hurt or killed?” she demanded, and her eyes shimmered with unshed tears.
“Sweetheart, I can love you and worry about you and do my job at the same time. Know why?”
Abigail shook her head.
“Because I have the best reason in the world to come home safely. You. Yeah, I am going to worry about you whether you were dealing with all of this or not, but I’m also going to do what I’ve been trained to do because I want to make it home to you.”
She took that in, her face conveying she hadn’t considered that yet. “Dr. Hancock said that I should be honest with you, that I shouldn’t try to keep things from you, that I should let you worry about me because I need to feel like I’m not alone right now. Ryder, I feel so disconnected from the real world.” The devastation on her face had him folding her into an embrace. “You, you’re the only thing that makes me feel like I’m still part of the world, the only thing connecting me to humanity.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Abby, I’m right here, with you, and I’m never going anywhere. Don’t fight it anymore, don’t try to hold it in, don’t try to put me above what you need.”
“And if I break?”
“Then I’ll help you pick up the pieces?”
“If I fall?”
“I’ll catch you.”
“And you won’t think I’m weak?”
His grip on her tightened. “I already know you’re strong, and crying or raging about what happened to you isn’t going to change that.” He prayed that she believed that it was true, but her hang-ups about strength ran deep and it would take time for her to overcome them.
“Ryder?”
“Yeah?”
“There’s something else Dr. Hancock said I should talk to you about.”
“What?”