He sprayed his load all over himself, and before he was even done, Calix sped up. Rhett watched him, breaths stuck in his lungs as Calix pushed himself up on his arms and snapped his hips. He drove into him hard and fast, and it was almost too much for his sensory-overloaded body.
"Oh, fuck," Calix grunted. "Ohhhh, fuuuck. You're so fucking tight, gripping my cock like a… I'm gonna come inside you, fill you up. Shoot my load inside you. Watch you as it drips out, knowing I claimed you first. You're mine. Mine."
Rhett's heart galloped wildly. Calix had almost snarled those last words. Had he meant them? He couldn't have. Calix's body jerked and tensed. Then Calix drove deep inside him again and stayed there. Was he…? He was coming. He was orgasming. Inside Rhett. Inside his body, his ass. Warm wetness flooded into him, and he could've cried. He felt cherished. Special and wanted and…sexy.
Calix pressed his face against Rhett's neck, his ragged breath hot on Rhett's skin. He didn't say anything, and a tinge of worry pinged through Rhett's euphoric daze.
"Calix?" he asked hesitantly.
Finally, Calix looked up, and Rhett's stomach dropped. Calix was crying.
31
Why the fuck was he crying? He didn't want to cry. He shouldn't, not right now. This was Rhett's special moment, and he was fucking ruining it.
But he couldn't stop. The tears kept pouring out of him, faster and faster, until he gave up on trying to stop them. His cock slid out of Rhett, and he cried for the loss of it, for missing that sight, for fucking it all up. It had been so good, so special, and it had been so long since he had shared the intimacy of sex with someone. Since he had felt sexy and desirable and…a man.
His body shook with the force of his sobs. He needed to apologize to Rhett, tell him how sorry he was, but he couldn't. His throat aching with how tight it was, his breaths labored, he surrendered to the tears.
And then Rhett pulled him close, wrapping both arms around him. He crawled into his embrace, put his head on Rhett's shoulder, and cried. And cried. And cried.
He sank into a strange place where time didn't exist, where he could let the pain out, the darkness, the loneliness…where he was being held, where someone whispered soft words of encouragement to him. He didn't want to stay there long, but for now, it was where he needed to be. He'd apologize later because he was so sorry, so fucking sorry.
The return to reality was slow. First Rhett's sweet voice penetrated the fog in his head. "Let it all out," Rhett whispered as he stroked Calix's hair. "You've held it in for far too long."
His breaths slowed down, became deeper and calmer. Quieter.
He inhaled deeply, the warm scent of vanilla surrounding him. Rhett. Had he used his roller? Or was the aroma so embedded in his skin that Calix could smell it all the time?
His head throbbed with that tension headache of full sinuses, of releasing pressure. He needed a tissue. Or two. A cold washcloth on his face because he probably looked like hell with red-rimmed eyes and a Rudolph-nose. How sexy.
Rhett's hand was gentle, brushing his hair, caressing his cheek, scratching his neck like one would with a cat or a dog. It felt…sweet. Caring. "Let it all go," Rhett said, his voice as gentle as summer rain. "You're safe. You're loved."
Calix reached blindly for Rhett's hand, brought it to his mouth, and pressed a soft kiss on the knuckles. He held on to it as if it was a lifeline as he took a deep belly breath. And another one.
He cleared his throat. About time for that apology.
"Don't." Rhett's tone was firm. "It's the first rule of breakdowns. No apologizing."
Warmth rippled through his chest. "What's the second rule?" he croaked.
"No explanation needed either. Only if you want to talk."
No apologies. No explanations. Good rules. Did he want to talk? He should, probably, but right now? No. Not the right time. He was too tired…and too raw. He needed a little more time to process. "Am I allowed to say thank you?"
"Yes."
"Thank you."
"My pleasure."
"I'm… I don't think I'm ready to talk yet."
"That's okay."
Calix slowly pushed himself into a sitting position, not releasing Rhett's hand. "But it wasn't about you, about anything you did or said."
"I didn't think it was. At first, yes, but later… No."
"It wasn't. You were… Did I ruin it for you?"
"You didn't."
"Was it good?"
"It was everything I could've hoped for and then some. I'll never be able to thank you enough for making my first time so perfect."
Calix shook his head before Rhett had even finished speaking. "No. New rule. You're not allowed to thank me for sex. No thanks."
A smile bloomed on Rhett's face. "Okay. No thanks then. Just… You made it everything I could’ve ever hoped for."
"So did you. You were amazing, sweetheart." Okay, time to get his act together. "Let me clean us up so we can have that pasta."
"I can do it."
He grabbed Rhett's neck and pulled him in for a quick kiss. "Nope, that's my job. I'm gonna pamper you the rest of the evening…and night. You're gonna feel this tomorrow, sweetheart."
Rhett shrugged. "Well worth it."
Calix got up from the bed and strolled to the bathroom, where he took a good look at himself in the mirror. Damn, a crying fit didn't improve his appearance. He looked ten years older. As if the age gap with Rhett wasn't big enough yet with fifteen years. Not that it mattered. They weren't in a real relationship. He frowned. Or were they?
He grabbed a washcloth from the closet and wetted it with warm water. As he cleaned himself up, his thoughts kept going back to that question. Was what he had with Rhett fake or real? Or maybe he should say casual or real. It had started as casual. Or at least, that had been his intention. But if this relationship wasn’t serious, then why did it feel that way?
When he walked back into the bedroom with a clean cloth, Rhett was still lying in bed, his head propped up on one arm, following him with concerned eyes. In the beginning of their friendship, Calix had thought Rhett was nothing like Matthew, and on the surface, he wasn't. Matthew had been his own age, a bear of a man, whereas Rhett's build was much more similar to his own, and the age gap between them was significant. But Rhett had the same big heart as Matthew. The same need to take care of people. And it was that innate kindness and gentleness that drew Calix in.
He sat down on the bed, gesturing for Rhett to scoot a little closer. His moves were slow and precise as he cleaned him, wiping his stomach until all the dried cum was gone, then gently did the same to his cock. "How are you feeling?" he asked softly.
Rhett's eyes glowed with trust. "Happy. Hungry."
Calix leaned in for a quick kiss. "Let me grab you something to wear, and then we'll see if we can still eat that pasta."
"I brought my clothes."
Another kiss, a little longer this time. "I know, but I like you wearing my shirt."
"Okay."