He shook his head.
“That’s good. I think there’s still mint in the cooler.” I walked over to him and bent down to open the cooler he was standing next to, but before I could open it, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him.
“I’m glad you’re not mad at me anymore. I was an ignorant asshole to you.”
I eyed him before shaking my head at his words. “I forgive you, Fen. I wasn’t exactly treating you right either,” I confessed.
“No, but I deserved being treated like that. You didn’t. You’ve always been good to me. So damn good. I’m sorry I upset you, and I promise I won’t do it again.”
I believed every single word he said, and he made me love him even more now than I did before.
With my hands on his chest, I let him pull me against his body with his arms around my back, and when his lips met mine, I immediately melted into his kiss.
No matter what was wrong with him, and no matter if Papa thought Fennec didn’t care about him, Fennec was compassionate. It might’ve been hard for him to show, but we’d soon figure out why he had acted the way he had.
“Do you still love me?” he whispered against my lips.
I leaned back to look into his eyes again. “I hate how you have to ask me this question. Of course I still love you. I’ve never stopped loving you, Fennec.”
“Good. I can’t live without your love.”
And neither could I.
36
Vespyr’s naïve.
And maybe that’s why we got along so well.
Many times I wondered if she heard me correctly, or even realized the deeper meanings of my words, but I couldn’t care less about that at this point.
She was here with me, taking good care of me.
That’s all that mattered at this moment.
Going back to Fairbanks would mean facing Papa again, but even after his accident, I didn’t feel like seeing him again.
Nor did I wanna see Mama, knowing what she’d make me do.
She told me too many times that I needed help with whatever was going on with my brain, and even on Christmas, she couldn’t help herself from pointing out all the good things that could come from talking to a therapist.
I didn’t need a damn therapist to cope with my issues.
No, you’ll need so much fucking more, psycho.
I pushed the voices aside and cleared my throat which started to feel less sore than before.
The tea Vespyr made really helped.
“What did you eat while we were gone?” she asked as she came out of the cabin again with Sitka’s food in her hands.
“Nothing.”
“You didn’t eat? Fennec, that’s not good. You have to eat something,” she sighed, setting the container down onto the table and opening it to take out half a chicken.
“I didn’t go hunt,” I pointed out. “And I didn’t go today either.”
“Do you want me to go? Maybe I’m lucky enough to come across a squirrel or rabbit, or I can go down to the river and catch fish. Probably easier.”
“We can eat what Jason gave you.”
She frowned at me. “That’s for Sitka.”
“She’s not gonna eat all of that. Put one half on the grill for us and add some patties. She can have the rest. We’ll head down tomorrow anyway.”
“Really? I thought you needed more time,” she said, surprised.
“I’m hungry and I’ll have to face Papa eventually. Might as well get it over with.”
Vespyr smiled brightly, relieved that she wouldn’t have to convince me to go to Fairbanks with her.
I thought about making her beg for me to go with her, but she’d have to beg for other reasons tonight, and I didn’t wanna make it too hard on her.
“Oh, Fen! Thank you!” she squealed, then she walked over to me and hugged me by leaning down and wrapping her arms around my shoulders from behind.
“I know it’s not going to be easy for you, but I promise I won’t leave your side. Ever.”
She kissed my cheek, and after patting her arm, she stood back up and walked back to the table where Sitka had already noticed her food laying around.
Vespyr grabbed one half of the chicken and placed it onto the snow alongside one beef patty which would definitely be enough for Sitka.
She took the other half and the container with the rest of the patties inside to put them on the grill.
“This is gonna take a while. Want another tea? You should also wear a scarf to keep your throat warm.”
“What I need is for you to sit down,” I told her, looking up at her.
She smiled, letting out a sigh before stepping closer to me and letting me pull her onto my lap to straddle it.
“I know it’s only been a day, but I really missed you,” I whispered, brushing back her hair and cupping her face in my hands.
Her already pink cheeks from the cold got even brighter, and with her eyes lowered, she gripped my coat with both hands.
“Me too. You know…I didn’t know what to think when we were driving back to Fairbanks, but when I was in bed last night, I realized that being away from you and not being able to talk to you was what upset me the most.”
“You know why that is?” I asked, cupping her jaw and making her look at me.
“Tell me.”
“It’s because we’re not meant to be apart. I don’t have to tell you another time that what we have is special, and being apart only hurts so much because our hearts long for each other whenever we’re far. Just like I told you that one night. I’m not okay when you’re gone.”
Her eyes were glowing, filled with love and affection. The one only she could give me.
“You don’t think Mama and Papa know about us, right? They would’ve said something. They wouldn’t be okay with this.”
“They’re not the ones having to be okay with this, Vespyr. It’s you and me. I don’t give a fuck about others. You know I love you, and that’s what matters most to me.”
I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before pulling her closer with my hand at the back of her head. “What we do is up to us, and no matter who’ll know eventually, I want you to embrace your love for me. Because I will do the same for you.”
Her eyes were locked on mine, and without saying a word, I knew exactly what she was thinking.
If I wear to leave her, she’d be lost.
And she knew that all too well.
“But what if they try to break what we have?”
“They can try, but they won’t ever succeed,” I promised, searching her face for some kind of realization that what I was saying was the truth.
The truth is that you’re sick. You’re messing with her the same way you’re messing with yourself.
“Fuck others. Fuck whatever your mind is telling you, and listen to your heart. It beats for me, sweet girl. I know it does, and when you realize it, you’ll see that mine is only beating for you.”
Her hand moved to my chest where she could feel my heartbeat, and after she struggled to push those negative thoughts out of her mind, she smiled at me and nodded to agree with me.
“We belong,” she whispered.
“Yeah, we do,” I said with a proud grin, placing my lips on hers.