There was no other way out, but maybe it was necessary.
“Now, go. You’re lucky I still let you into this house.” Her voice was shaky, and I could tell she was holding back tears as her jaw clenched and her lips started to tremble.
“What did I do wrong?”
“You know damn well what you did wrong, Fennec. Poor Papa could’ve got injured far worse. You’re lucky he didn’t.”
Without another word, she left my bedroom and walked straight into the kitchen.
Your family’s slowly turning against you. Good job, buddy.
Their laughter and mockery couldn’t get to my head. It would only make things worse.
I took a deep breath and turned to walk over to Papa’s room, and when I reached it and pushed it open, I saw Vespyr sitting on the side of the bed with Papa’s hand in hers.
Papa had a cast on his ankle, and a bandage was around his leg where he had bled from the abrasion.
When my eyes met his, neither of us spoke.
There were the same emotions lingering in his eyes as Mama’s, both filled with disappointment, confusion, and for some reason, fear.
“Papa’s doing better already. The doc said his ankle will heal in a few weeks,” Vespyr said happily, unaware of all the negative tension in this house.
I nodded, looking back at the cast but staying right there. “Sorry about your leg, Papa,” I told him. “And sorry I didn’t help you get him out of the river sooner, Ves.”
“It’s okay, Fennec. Come closer. Papa just told me about this idea he had about camp. That maybe he’ll make more space for an even bigger cabin, and—”
“Vespyr, sweetheart,” Papa interrupted her, lifting his hand and cupping her face. “Why don’t you go help Mama in the kitchen so Fennec and I can talk, hm?”
Vespyr frowned at him, and I wondered if her naiveness increased in this house in some strange way.
She’s a smart girl, but at times, I wondered if there was something wrong with her too.
Obviously.
“Yes, of course.” She smiled at him and leaned in to kiss his cheek before she got up and walked toward me to exit the room.
I watched her closely and stepped aside to let her out, and once she was gone, I closed the door behind me so Papa and I had some privacy.
“I’m sorry,” I told him again, but he shook his head at me.
“Your apology is not what I need, Fennec. I’m sure your mother has already told you about Mrs. Irvine, and that she’s awaiting you tomorrow.”
I nodded, my jaw tense.
“She’ll help you understand why you did those things. It’s not normal, and you know if I could still stand on both feet, I wouldn’t spare you from some much-deserved punches.”
Violence toward your own kid? Sure. Why not.
But, hey…he had his reasons, and I definitely deserved a bloody nose and a few hits to my twisted head.
“Can I go now?”
“Stay away from Vespyr. She’ll see Mrs. Irvine tomorrow too.”
“Why?”
“Because you made her sick. She doesn’t understand, and I don’t want her to turn into something she’s not before it’s too late. Stay away,” he repeated.
His words angered me, although everything he said was true.
He had told me to keep my distance from her before, but the last time he did, he made me react in a way I shouldn’t have.
“I have to pee,” Vespyr told Papa, and I stopped walking to look back at her.
I had been acting like an asshole around her, not letting her near or talking to her.
There were times I wanted to be on my own to think. To make sure I wouldn’t go crazy, and after coming back to the wilderness with them, negative emotions were all I felt.
For days, and I didn’t see a way out.
I even caught a cold, making my throat sore and my voice hoarse eventually.
Didn’t need to speak anyway, so I kept quiet and tried to sleep it all out, hoping I would wake up one morning and feel good enough to be my usual self again.
“Okay. Go behind this tree. And keep an eye out. Always do,” Papa told her.
Before she disappeared behind the tree, she looked at me, her eyes big and unsure.
I hadn’t treated her right at all, no matter how much I loved her.
I had to get my shit together.
When she was hidden behind the tree, Papa walked toward me to give her some privacy, and I turned to take another few steps away from him, getting some distance between us.
It was unnecessary, seeing as he followed me close to a cliff.
We weren’t standing too high up, and down there was a shallow, icy river with snow surrounding it.
“I don’t like what you’re doing,” Papa said, stopping right next to me and looking down to inspect where we were standing.
One more step, and the snow underneath our feet would fall down into the river.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“You damn well know what I’m talking about, Fennec. She’s your sister. You don’t do shit like that with your sister.”
For a swift moment, my legs felt as if they were about to give in, but I straightened my back and shoulders to stand tall.
I raised a brow at him, waiting for him to say more.
“You think I don’t see the way you look at her? Or the way she keeps watching you with so much damn admiration? Not the way a sister should look at her brother,” he hissed, keeping his voice low.
“Why don’t you mind your own business?” I muttered, taking a step away from the cliff.
Listening to his words only worsened my mood, and I wouldn’t let him get to me.
“This is my business. She is my business! Stay the fuck away from her!” he spat.
I hoped to God Vespyr didn’t hear him, and I hoped she would stay behind that tree for five more seconds.
Something in my mind switched, and without thinking about it, I shoved him with both my hands against his chest.
“Shit!” His voice was louder now. Loud enough for Vespyr to hear and I already heard her move in the snow.
Papa tried to grab me and steady himself, but when he gripped my coat, I pulled his hand off me and pushed him back.
“Fennec!” he shouted as I stood there, watching him slip and fall.
Guilt should’ve been the one thing I felt, but there was nothing but emptiness.
39
My eyes were on Vespyr the whole time.
I couldn’t take mine off her while eating dinner, and even with Papa’s angry stares, I didn’t move my gaze away from the girl I loved.
Fuck what Papa said.
She was mine, and we both knew we couldn’t live without each other.
We were meant to be, and having him tell me to stay away was not gonna change the way I felt about her.
Never.
It was quiet at dinner, and only a few times Vespyr tried to spark a conversation with Mama.
Her replies were short, which made Vespyr’s crease between her brows furrow more and more.
“Papa is going to be okay. Why are you all so upset?” Vespyr asked, her voice determined to get a real answer this time.
“It’s nothing, sweetheart. Would you like some more spaghetti?” Mama asked her, but she quickly shook her head.
“I want you to tell me what’s going on. Why is Fennec sad too? What did you tell him?” she asked, looking at Papa.