“For how long?”
“That depends. It could be a few days or a couple of weeks. The point is for you to recharge. Lacey, I don’t have to tell you how serious this is.”
No, she doesn’t.
It’s never okay to think your life would be better if it were over.
But it’s even more serious when it’s not only your life you hold in your hands.
There’s an innocent child at stake.
My innocent child.
Like I fought to make sure her heart was healthy, I need to fight to bring her into my arms.
Reaching out, I take the paper cup from Dr. Spiegel and drop the pills into my palm. She hands me a cup of water and before I can give doubt a chance to take over, I knock back the Lithium.
“Thatta girl,” my dad whispers.
Nodding, I hand Dr. Spiegel back the empty cup and lay both my hands on my belly, silently wishing she’d kick me. The need to feel her so profound. My girl doesn’t disappoint. It’s as if she knows I need to be reminded of the connection we share because she grants me my wish.
“We’re going to be okay,” I whisper.
My dad leans over the bed rail and presses a kiss to my forehead.
“Yeah, you are,” he assures before turning to Dr. Spiegel. “Should we let her get some rest?”
“Good idea,” she agrees and then promises to check in on me before she leaves for the day. My dad also vows to come back in a little while with a pizza.
Alone, I close my eyes and as my daughter does somersaults inside me, I drift to sleep. She fills my dreams in all the most precious ways. When I wake sometime later, I open my eyes to see Nico sitting beside me. Surprisingly without a pint of ice cream.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, sitting up.
He shrugs his shoulders.
“Thought you could use the company. I can leave if you want.”
“Company is nice,” I reply, cocking my head to the side as I study him. “You know what happened?” As soon as the question leaves my mouth, I close my eyes and wave my hand dismissively. “Of course you know what happened. You’re visiting me in the psych ward.”
He rubs a hand over his face before staring at me with a thoughtful expression.
“You’re important.”
His words catch me off guard.
“What?”
“Not just to Blackie or to your father. You’re important to a lot of people. You’re important to me. I just thought you should know that.”
“Nico—”
“Please, let me finish,” he interjects. “I think you're beautiful and I’m not talking about surface beauty. While that’s a great bonus, it’s your heart that’s most beautiful.” He pauses for a beat, shaking his head slightly. “Everyone around me loves someone. My father loves Maria and for some crazy reason, she loves him back. Then there is your old man and Reina, those two, love one another like crazy…no pun intended. Hell, even my brother is in love with his child bride.”
Normally I’d chuckle at the reference to Frankie and his baby mama, but I can sense this is a heavy conversation. One where humor has no place.
“But no one loves like you. Blackie is a lucky man,” he says quietly. “I need to take a step back from all this.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I lost my shit when I found out you were admitted to the hospital,” he reveals, meeting my gaze. “Like I said, you’re important to me. I won’t say more because that’s not fair to you, but you need to know the world is a lot more beautiful with you in it and please, don’t ever forget that.”
Oh, Nico.
“I don’t know what to say other than you’re important to me too. Our friendship was unexpected, but it’s gotten me through a lot of dark days.”
“And if you ever need me, I’m only a phone call away but until I get my patch, I need to put some space between me and the house of Parrish.”
“You mean you need to put some space between you and me.”
“Yeah,” he admits, blowing out a breath. “I suck at this prospect shit as it is. I mean who goes and catches feelings for a brother’s pregnant wife?” He juts his thumbs towards his chest. “This guy, that’s who.”
Winking at me, he reaches out and takes my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
“Take care of yourself, Lace, and that baby. When it’s time for her first ice cream cone, give uncle Nico a call, will ya? I’d like to see firsthand if she’s got a favorite flavor.”
“Nico,” I say hoarsely.
“It’s all good, Lace,” he assures. “One day we’ll laugh about it.”
“After you find the love of your life and she knocks you off your feet we one hundred percent will laugh at this and I’ll bring the ice cream.”
“Shit, you better,” he teases. “Ben and Jerry’s.”
“Only the best for the best,” I murmur.
I mean it.
Nico is the best.
The best friend I’ve ever had, and he deserves the absolute best girl.
I can’t wait until he finds her and when he does, I’ll be there with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.
Maybe two.
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Blackie
I waited a couple of days before I called Lacey. Every day I called Jack for an update. It was still too early to tell if the Lithium was working or not, but she hadn’t had any more episodes. The baby was healthy, and my wife was at peace. What more could a man want? I’ll tell you what he could want…he’d want to get the fuck out of rehab and be with her, that’s what he’d want.
He’d want it more than his next fucking breath.
Too bad we don’t always get what we want.
Instead, I passed the time writing Lacey and our daughter one email after another. Realizing I was closing in on over one hundred and fifty emails to Lacey and it would take her a damn long while to get through them, I decided the next time I spoke to her I’d give her the login information. Sunny agreed too and when I spoke with Jack, I had him run the idea past Dr. Spiegel. I didn’t want to disrupt her progress, but she thought it would help Lacey by restoring all the truths her heart knew. The truths her mind blocked out. In the last email, I typed everything I planned on saying while making amends. I thought it was a good way to end the cycle before I started proving my actions to her.
“You created an email account for me?” she questioned, mildly shocked. I can’t say that I blame her. The girl has never seen me use a computer.
“Yeah, I can’t take the credit for the idea, though. This guy in my group therapy session, Artie, came up with it. I thought it was fucking crazy at first but in the beginning, when I couldn’t call you, I decided to give a shot. There were so many things I wanted to say at different times, I’d just put them in an email and click send. I made one for the baby too, but that’s a work in progress. I plan on giving her the login information on her eighteenth birthday.”
“Her eighteenth birthday,” she repeated.
“She’ll be disappointed it’s not a car, but we’ll get her one of those too.”