“Everything is good,” Jack says. “She took that twelve week blood test and everything came back normal.”
I look at him.
“Is she showing?”
Smiling he nods and reaches into his back pocket for his phone. Tipping his chin towards the table and chairs, he takes a seat. Reluctantly, I pull out a chair and sit across from him. While he scrolls through his phone, I continue to stare at the sonogram photo.
“I think she has your nose,” Reina comments as she takes a seat too. “And Lacey’s lips.”
“She definitely has Lacey’s lips,” I agree.
They’re perfect just like her mother’s.
“Here,” Jack says, pushing the phone towards me. I gently set the sonogram photo on the table and lift the phone. More tears well in my eyes as I take in the photo of Lacey. She’s standing sideways with her hand on her belly. It’s not much of a bump but it’s there. It’s there, and it’s goddamn gorgeous. She’s gorgeous.
“Connie took that one when she took her shopping for maternity clothes,” Jack reveals. “It’s like pulling teeth to get her to take a damn picture,” he complains.
“She looks beautiful,” I rasp, thumbing away a tear. Lifting my head, I glance at Jack. “Does she have everything she needs? Enough maternity clothes? What about one of those pillows?”
“Pillows?” Jack questions, narrowing his eyes as he looks at Reina. “What the fuck is he talking about? She needs pillows? You and Connie never mentioned anything about pillows.”
Reina chuckles and lays a hand over Jack’s as she looks at me.
“Where did you learn about body pillows?”
I shrug my shoulders.
“I’ve got a lot of time on my hands,” I answer, glancing at Sunny who is pretending not to listen. She does a shit job at covering up her smile, though. A week ago, I had a bit of a breakdown. After confessing how I felt like a failing father, she gifted me a book geared to expectant fathers. I read a couple of chapters every night and I recently learned about the magic of body pillows and how they help the mother if she’s used to sleeping on her belly.
Lacey sleeps on her belly.
Or at least she did.
“We’ll get her a body pillow,” Reina assures me, and I nod before glancing back at Jack’s phone.
“Do you have any more?”
“Let me see,” he says taking the phone from me. He searches the camera roll and produces another. She’s wearing a shirt that reads Bump Loading and eating a slice of pizza. “Reina took that one after she sent me out for pizza at ten thirty at night.”
“It was the first time she craved anything,” Reina explains.
“Does she have a lot of those?”
“Cravings? Not really. Just pizza. She ate the whole pie that night.”
I try to picture Lacey eating an entire pizza by herself and a chuckle escapes my lips. It quickly fades as I realize it’s just another thing to add to the list of things I’m missing. Sighing, I hand Jack back his phone.
“She was sixteen weeks yesterday,” I say as I glance between them. “Sunny helps me keep track on a calendar in my room. That means she’s hit the second trimester.”
“Yes,” Reina confirms.
“Is she still off her meds?”
Reina looks at Jack who in turn glances down at his hands.
“Yes,” Reina answers. “Dr. Spiegel is keeping a close eye on her, though, and so are we.”
Keeping my eyes on Jack, I watch as he lifts his hand and scratches the scruff lining his jaw. He makes no attempt to look me in the eye and I know instantly that something is eating at him.
“You don’t agree with the decision,” I accuse.
His eyes find mine, but he doesn’t say anything.
“Jack, talk to me,” I demand, leaning my elbows on the table. “Is Lacey—”
“She’s fine, Blackie,” he interjects. “I’m just worried about her. I feel like we’re pushing our luck every month that goes by. That quack of a doctor says it’s all in my head, though, so don’t you worry.”
“That quack of a doctor? Dr. Spiegel?”
“Ignore him, Blackie,” Reina interrupts. “She’s a quack whenever she disagrees with him,” she explains before poking her husband in the shoulder. “She wasn’t a quack when she prescribed you those new meds last month, though, was she?”
“What new meds?”
“There is a new drug on the market and Dr. Spiegel thought Jack would be a good candidate for it. As it turns out, she was right and so far, so good. Isn’t that right, Jack?”
He grimaces as he runs a hand over his face.
“We’re not here to talk about me losing my marbles.”
“Why not?” I ask, pointing a finger between us. “This shit has never been one-sided before, don’t make it that way now. If you’re doing well, I want to know.”
“You’re wrong,” he says. “It’s always been one-sided between us.”
My eyebrows pinch together in confusion as I watch him turn to his wife.
“Sunshine, can you give me a minute alone with Blackie? There are some things I need to say to him. Things that are long overdue.”
Touching a hand to his cheek, she gives him a small smile and nods her head.
“Sure, I’ll go see about getting us some coffee.” Her chair scrapes against the wood and she stands, turning to Sunny who offers to show her to the cafeteria. Alone, I look back at Jack.
“Is this the part where you hand me my ass and curse me for breaking your daughter’s heart?”
Contemplating my words, he cocks his head to the side. A minute passes before he finally shakes his head.
“No, this is the part where I apologize to you.”
Jack doesn’t owe me shit, least of all an apology but I don’t get a chance to tell him that.
“For as long as we know each other it’s never been about you and your needs. Always me and mine. People think I took you under my wing, but that’s so far from the truth. You took me under yours. You made me and my family your number one priority. Every bullet you took and all the times you sacrificed yourself for the sake of me and mine…it may have gone unnoticed at the time, but I realize it now, Black,” he chokes, pausing to gather himself. “I see your sacrifices and I see your pain, brother. I feel it in my bones.”
“I can live to be a hundred and I’ll never be able to fucking repay you for all you’ve done. All you’ve given. I’m sorry for that but mostly for not being the brother you needed. Fuck that, I’m sorry for not being the father figure you needed. It don’t matter that you’re closer to my age than my daughters. I’m your father-in-law. I should’ve seen you hurting,” he grinds out, roughly running his fingers through his hair as his wet eyes peer back at me. Dark as night and full of sorrow.
“I should’ve acknowledged your pain before I ever gave you her hand, instead I ignored it. I ushered all the responsibilities I couldn’t handle onto your shoulders. All my grief and every enemy. I dirtied your fucking hands and painted them with blood. You never stood a chance with me as your acting messiah and for that, for that, I’m so fucking sorry.”