“Natalia,” I hiss. “Quit pissing me off.”
She laughs. “Don’t spoil my fun, Benny. I have never seen you like this over any woman. Ever. I thought your heart had shriveled up and died, but she is bringing you back to life. Now you just need to get your head out of your ass before you fuck it up and lose her.”
I sigh, ignoring her. If I try to deny it, she will only protest. I know when I can’t win an argument and when I’m better off keeping my mouth shut. I wish time would fast-forward so this night could be done. But someone up there is determined to make me suffer.
The band starts, and Sierra grabs Alessandro, dragging him to the dance floor. He doesn’t even glance in my direction as they rush past. The little coward. I’m going to string him up by his balls and enjoy inflicting pain with my knife.
“Dance with me.” Natalia tugs on my arm the same time Chantel does.
I stand, offering my sister my hand. “It would be my pleasure.” This way I can avoid dancing with my date while keeping a close eye on Sierra and my disobedient soldier.
Two birds, one stone.
“You look stunning tonight,” I tell her as I guide us out into the middle of the dance floor. It’s true. Natalia is a striking woman, and in that red dress, she is garnering as much attention as Sierra. Like my baby momma, she is also more than the sum of her looks. Natalia is intelligent and compassionate with a great sense of humor.
I lucked out on the sibling front, for sure.
Natalia was the one who got me through those dark early days, and I appreciated it because she was grieving and she could have easily resented me when our father claimed me purely so I could replace the brother she had just lost. But she never held it against me. Instead, she helped make things bearable, and we forged an instant bond.
I love my sister, and I would burn the world down for her.
I position us directly beside the other couple, and my skin ripples with rage as I watch my future wife circle her arms tightly around my soldier’s neck. Alessandro bristles, finally making eye contact with me. He doesn’t cower under my dark glare, but he forgets I know him. His body is as stiff as a brick, his dancing mechanical, despite Sierra’s best efforts to get him to loosen up.
“Thank you, Benny. You are always so gracious.” Natalia kisses my cheek before angling her head in Sierra’s direction. “She looks like an angel,” she adds, as we sway to the music.
“Don’t let that beautiful innocent exterior fool you. Right now, she’s the devil incarnate,” I say, tightening my hold on my sister’s waist as I watch Sierra press her lips dangerously close to Alessandro’s mouth. If she kisses him, I will rip her from his arms, toss her over my shoulder, and drag her to my room to give her a physical reminder of who she belongs to—consequences be damned.
“I saw her sneaking glimpses at you during dinner,” Natalia murmurs. “She looked like she wanted to murder you half the time.”
“Good. That’s exactly how I prefer it.”
“The rest of the time she looked equal parts hurt and besotted.” Her blue eyes pin mine in place. “Don’t destroy her, Benny. Let your heart feel.” Her hand sweeps along my cheek. “Would it be so bad to let yourself love her?”
“You know it would,” I say in a clipped tone. “It’s not going to happen. Whatever fantasy you’ve conjured up is all in your head.” My grip tightens on her waist.
“Ease up there, tiger,” Natalia says. “If you keep it up, you’ll leave bruises, and the last thing I want is Gino leveling more accusations at me.”
Retracting my gaze from Sierra, I focus on my sister’s beautiful face. “Is there something I should know?” I search over her shoulder for her husband. If he has hurt her, I will level him. I don’t care what kind of political maelstrom it would cause within The Commission. No one hurts my loved ones and lives to tell the tale.
“It’s nothing.” She attempts to deflect it, probably because she spots the murderous intent on my face.
“Don’t lie to me. Either tell me or I’ll ask Gino myself.”
Her chest heaves. “It’s nothing new.”
Understanding dawns on me. “This is about Leo.”
She nods, and her eyes dart to the side. I twirl us around so I’m facing the other direction, my gaze meeting Leo’s. He’s dancing with Georgia Lawson, but he’s barely paying any attention to my future mother-in-law, staring wistfully in Natalia’s direction.
It seems I’m not the only man being painfully obvious tonight.
“He’s in love with you,” I quietly say.
“I know,” she whispers. Her eyes lose a bit of their shine as sadness washes over her features.
I won’t ask if she returns his feelings, because it’s irrelevant. She is married to Gino Accardi, stepmother to his twin sons, and death is the only way of escaping her reality. “Are you unhappy? Do you want me to have a word with him?” Wives are respected in the New York famiglia. There is no obligation on any man to love his wife, or even to remain faithful to her, but there is an expectation of respect and kindness.
“I’m not unhappy, per se.” Natalia grips my shoulders more firmly. “He treats me well, and he loves me, in his own way, but he’s not in love with me, and I’m not in love with him.”
“You know this is the way of our world. You know it better than me. You have grown up understanding the reality of being a daughter within the famiglia.”
“Do you think that makes it any easier to accept? I know it was hard for you growing up ignorant of the truth. I saw how you struggled when Father first brought you to New York and you were initiated. But sometimes I think you were lucky, Benny. You got to live a real life. To make your own choices. And while I know this wasn’t what you wanted at first, you have forged your own path in this world, and you get to make your own decisions. You still have control, which is something I have never had.”
“I didn’t know you felt like that,” I admit, ashamed I never stopped to consider what it must have been like for Natalia.
“What was the point in articulating it? It wouldn’t have changed anything. I have always known I was destined to marry for the famiglia. I have always known it wouldn’t be my choice.” Her eyes briefly find Leo’s again, and I hurt for my sister and my friend. Breath rattles in her chest as she places her palm right over my heart.
“At least I am still breathing, and your heart still beats. Unlike Mateo.” Pain shimmers in her eyes, like it does anytime she mentions our brother. I never got to meet him, but Natalia grew up with him, and by all accounts, they were close. “We are alive, and we are fortunate in a lot of ways.” She smiles, all trace of sadness vanishing from her face. “Excuse my selfishness. I don’t indulge often. I prefer to focus on the positives. Dwelling on the what-ifs is pointless. You need to tell Leo that. He needs to move forward with his life. He should be married by now.”
I don’t tell her he refuses to marry because, deep down, my sister knows. This is the most honest conversation we have had about her and my best friend. The closest she has come to confirming she feels the same way he does. But it makes no difference. They can’t be together, and that’s not changing any time soon.