That simple sight broke him open. Everything he’d been trying to talk himself out of came rushing in like a stampede of goddamned bison. This woman who hadn’t been able to even look him in the eye when they’d first met had just declared her feelings for him, convinced that they weren’t going to be reciprocated, putting herself out there and expecting rejection. Doing it anyway.
She was the bravest fucking person he knew. She was…
“You should date Cal,” he said abruptly.
Her gaze snapped upward, a flash of pain there.
He took her hands in his, trying to steady hers, all his resolve rushing out of him. “But fucking hell, Hollyn, I really, really don’t want you to.”
She blinked. “I don’t understand.”
He ran his thumbs over her knuckles, no longer able to tell if she was the one shaking or if he was. “I am the wrong choice by far. I don’t have money or my own place. I’m still pouring coffee at twenty-five. I can be flighty as shit. I’ve been epically bad at relationships and will probably figure out a way to screw things up. You deserve so much better than me. I came here to tell you that. I had a whole plan. But I’m also a selfish fuck. And right now, I selfishly need to tell you that…I’m into you. Like really into you. Not as friends. Not as an arrangement. But…” He swallowed hard. “But if I’m not careful, I’m at high risk for falling in love with you.”
Her lips parted and her nose ticced. “What?”
“And I know Cal probably gave you some romantic speech. I know he’s got the better résumé and stability and history with you, but goddammit, I can’t do this. I can’t sit here and pretend I want you to be with him. I don’t want you to be with anyone else but me.”
* * *
Hollyn was hot all over and literally shaking. Was this actually happening? Jasper was looking at her like he was pained, like he hadn’t wanted to say these things but couldn’t help himself. Her eyes burned. “You want to be with me?”
“Like a whole lot,” he said like it was an apology. “Like I’m kind of obsessed with you. I’ve tried to talk myself out of it. Clearly, I’ve failed.”
She pressed her lips together, not sure whether she was going to cry or laugh. “Jasper Deares, I think you just beat Cal on the romantic speech.”
He smiled, as unsure of himself as she’d ever seen him. “Yeah?”
“Yes. God. Stop looking like your puppy died. I want to be with you. You want to be with me. That’s…pretty fucking wonderful.”
His mouth hitched at one corner, some light coming into his eyes. “Yeah, it is, isn’t it?”
“It’s the literal best.” She shifted, tucking her legs under her, and put her hands on his shoulders. “You know what we need to do?”
He lifted his brows, some of that Jasper playfulness coming back in his expression. “Kiss to seal the deal? Make sweet, dirty love on the picnic blanket?”
She laughed. “Yes to the first. Only if we move the blanket indoors on the second. But what I was going to say is we need to stop thinking of ourselves as bad choices. You know what I see when I look at you?”
He wrapped his arms around her waist and guided her to straddle his lap, her dress fanning out around them. “A hot piece of ass?”
She grinned. “Obviously. But I also see a smart, talented guy who’s working his butt off for his dream. I see a guy who is kind to his friends and honest with me. I see a guy who wanted to help a stranger at work when he saw she was struggling. I’m not looking for someone to beef up my bank account. Or someone who has it completely together. Lord knows I don’t have it completely together. I’m looking for someone who I can have fun with on the journey to figure all that stuff out. A travel companion. Not a tour guide who already knows all the answers. How boring would that be? I want the man, not the résumé.”
His expression softened. “See? This is what I’m talking about.”
“What?”
He pushed her hair behind her ears. “How am I supposed to not fall for you when you say stuff like that? I’ve got no shot.”
A warm, sweet feeling filled her chest. She tipped up her chin. “I apologize for being completely irresistible.”
He smiled. “Narcissist”
She touched her nose to his. “I learned from the best.”
His hand slid to the back of her neck, gripping her there. “Ready to do this? For real this time?”
She lowered her head to his, her lips hovering over his. “Once more, with feeling.”
“Hollyn and Jasper, sittin’ beneath a tree, K-I-S-S-I—”
She kissed him before he could finish, sweet and soft at first and then deepening it when he threaded his hands in her hair. The whisper of the leaves, the children laughing in the background, the birds singing—all of it faded into the background—as they lost themselves to the kiss, no rules between them this time.
Just feelings.
And hope.
A new beginning.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Hours later, Hollyn was sated and sleepy in her bed with Jasper sprawled next to her after they’d exhausted themselves with two rounds of lovemaking. The first time, they hadn’t even made it to the bedroom. It was as if the few days apart had been months. The minute they’d walked into the door after the picnic, Jasper had grabbed her and pushed her against the wall, kissing and touching her everywhere. They’d ended up on the couch, still half-dressed, and Jasper rucking up her dress and thanking the sex gods that he still had a condom in his wallet.
The second time, they’d slowed it down and actually made it to the bedroom. Jasper had driven her out of her mind with his hands and then his mouth before he’d dragged her on top of him and buried deep inside her. Her body had never felt so satisfied and sapped at the same time. But her body had nothing on her brain. She was riding some high that made it impossible to wipe the smile off her face. She’d put herself out there, had done the thing she was so afraid to do, expecting the worst to happen, and Jasper had said more than she could’ve ever hoped to hear.
Her best-case-scenario conjecturing with Mary Leigh had nothing on what the reality had turned out to be. Mary Leigh was going to feel so smug when she found out how right she’d been.
Hollyn laughed.
Jasper turned his head on the pillow. “What are you giggling about over there?”
She gave him a stern look. “First, I don’t giggle. That was clearly a very mature, sultry laugh.”
“Of course,” he said. “Lauren Bacall incarnate.”