Dad perched on the edge of his desk, his business expression replacing the look he usually gave me. “I’ll do what’s necessary to protect all of us.” His voice didn’t leave room for an argument. For him the matter was settled and my opinion was irrelevant. This side of him wasn’t new to me, but usually I wasn’t on the receiving end of it.
I glared. “You aren’t protecting me by keeping me away from Adamo! I thought you wanted to see me happy but you’re obviously only concerned about business.”
“If open war breaks out in Chicago, everyone’s going to be at risk. You, Galina, the boys, my men. I have responsibility that goes beyond your infatuation with a boy you hardly know.”
I couldn’t believe his nerve. He didn’t know the first thing about Adamo and me. He’d never wanted to know and I’d been careful not to tell him too much. Why poke a beehive?“Adamo saved me. He gave me what I needed to forget the past. He brings me happiness in the present and he makes me excited for the future. Isn’t that more than a silly infatuation?” For the longest time, I’d tried to pretend I wasn’t in love with Adamo, had feared any kind of commitment, but now that I was past the point of denial, it made me all the more furious to have others question feelings I’d battled for months. “I’m not someone who allows emotions easily. You know me, Dad. If I tell you that I want to be with Adamo, then that means something.”
“Do you really think his family will allow him to be with you? Their traditions aren’t ours. They’ll never fully accept you, never trust you.”
I wasn’t sure. Adamo had assured me his family would accept me. They weren’t as traditional as the other Italian mob families. After all, their Enforcer was married to an Outsider, which if you looked at it, was a bigger risk than having a relationship with someone from an adverse crime organization. I’d been brought up in a world of violence and bound by strict rules. I knew how to keep a secret, no matter how dark. I could lie into the face of a police officer without batting an eye. Even if Adamo and I had been brought up on different sides, our lives were similar. “I’ll cross that bridge when I reach it, but that’s my problem, not yours.”
Dad stood and grabbed my shoulders gently, his smile wistful but his eyes were relentless. “I’ll do whatever’s necessary to protect you, Katinka. Don’t force my hand.”
I didn’t doubt for a second that Dad would kill Adamo. He wanted to protect me at all costs. That he wouldn’t step on the Outfit’s toes by doing so was a side-effect not the reason. “You’re trying to make up for the past because you couldn’t protect me from my mother and the men who molested me, but you can’t undo what’s happened, and certainly not by ruining my life now.”
Dad’s fingers tightened around my upper arms. “You have Dima. You two were happy together. If you want to protect Adamo, you’ll stay. He’s young. He’ll find a new love, someone he can actually be with. Or do you actually think you can live in Las Vegas with him?”
Las Vegas was out of the question, would always be, but Adamo didn’t want to live there either.
Yet…
“Katinka, be reasonable,” Dad said softly. “Some things aren’t meant to be. If you miss racing, we can try to set something up.”
I tore away from his grip, unable to bear his closeness. Without another word, I stormed out of his office. My eyes burned but I didn’t cry. I almost bumped into Dima in the lobby. He must have waited for me and now he’d probably keep an eye on me to make sure I didn’t leave the house. Red-hot fury sizzled in my veins. I charged toward the front door, determined to leave. I’d take a car, because Dad had probably given orders to all our pilots not to fly me anywhere.
I didn’t get far. Dima grabbed my forearm, jerking me to a stop. I whirled on him, furious and desperate.
I didn’t want to lose Dad, or Dima. I didn’t want to never see my half-brothers again either. But giving up Adamo? I wasn’t sure I could do it. “Let me go,” I hissed but Dima didn’t loosen his hold.
“Dinara,” he murmured imploringly, the voice that was usually balm on my anger. “Think before you act. Do you really want Adamo to die? Do you think he’d want to die for you?”
I froze.
“Would you want Adamo to insist on being with you if Remo threatened your life because of it? Would you die for a relationship that might not even last years?”
I didn’t even have to think about it. The answer rang loud and clear in my heart. Yes, I would risk my life to be with Adamo because I loved him and because he’d already done so much for me. Dima seemed to see the answer in my face because his expression fell but he still didn’t release me. “Are you sure his answer would be the same? He might have helped you get revenge but that never really posed a threat to his life. But if your Dad puts him on his death list, his days are counted.”
Few people survived for long if Dad wanted them dead. My mother had because of Remo Falcone’s intervention. Adamo had the Camorra at his back, but he was an easy target when he lived in camp, and Dad had made it clear he would risk war with the Camorra this time if necessary. My shoulders sagged. The idea of being separated from Adamo hurt but the fear of him being killed was even greater. Maybe Dad and Dima had a point. Adamo and I hadn’t been together for long, and the majority of the time we’d been too cowardly to even put a name to what we had. I couldn’t decide for Adamo to risk his life. No, I definitely didn’t want him to risk his life.
“I need to end it face to face, Dima. I won’t do it over the phone. That’s a bullshit move after everything he’s done for me.”
“Your father won’t allow you to return to camp. He suspects you might stay.”
“Talk to him. If I do it now, I’ll only make things worse. I’m too angry. Tell him you’ll make sure I’ll return.”
“I will make sure you return,” Dima said firmly. “Because if you don’t, your father will relieve me of my head. I really don’t want to die so you can traipse about with Falcone. Stay here. Don’t you dare run off.”
I felt empty as I watched Dima set out for my father’s office. Last night, I’d allowed myself to imagine a future with Adamo. It had been blurry, with many variables, but I had been happy and free. If I stayed in Chicago, I’d never be either, not without Adamo, not as the Dinara that Dad wanted me to be.
Dima returned five minutes later. “He agreed, but he made it very clear that he’ll send men after Adamo if you aren’t back home tomorrow for lunch.”
“I’ll be back,” I said.
When Dima and I sat in Dad’s private jet for the second time that day, my stomach sank. Adamo deserved to be told the reason for breaking things off in person, but the idea of actually telling him, of being close to him for one last time, it split my heart in two. What if I couldn’t say goodbye?
Dinara’s message telling me she would be back soon raised my alarm and the moment Dinara showed up in camp early the next morning with Dima, I knew something was up. She looked exhausted and as if she was bracing herself for a battle.
I had barely slept the night. I hurried toward her, eager to clear things up. Dinara got out of the car but Dima didn’t. He stayed behind the steering wheel, looking stoic as usual. I grabbed Dinara and kissed her. For a moment she tensed but then she threw herself into the kiss, oozing despair and passion. I cupped the back of her head, pulling her even closer. It felt as if we hadn’t seen each other in forever.