Eventually Dinara jerked away and staggered a step back. Her cheeks were flushed. The dazed look in her eyes quickly morphed into apprehension, then determination. This wasn’t good.
“What’s wrong?” I murmured. We were a good distance away from Dima but the windows of the car were down and I didn’t want to risk him overhearing our conversation in case he was part of the reason for Dinara’s tension.
“Nothing,” she said quickly, but her voice proved her answer wrong.
“I didn’t think you’d be back in time for the race tonight. I worried it would take you days to convince your father you were safe here.”
She looked away briefly and when she met my gaze again, her walls had come up, locking me out of her mind and heart.
“Dinara,” I said imploringly, taking her hand. “Tell me what’s going on.”
Her eyes locked on mine then she pulled her hand away. “I didn’t return for the race tonight. I won’t race again. Racing was always only a means to an end, and so were you.” Her voice wavered when she said the latter.
“Liar,” I growled, stepping closer again. I wouldn’t allow her to put distance between us, not physically and not with words either. We’d gone through too much. We were both haunted by inner demons—demons only we could understand. Maybe we’d been born on different sides but fate had thrown us together because we were meant to be, because no one would ever see the world the way we did. “If I was only a means to an end, you wouldn’t be here right now. You would have left without an explanation or ditched me over the phone. But you are here, Dinara. Why?”
She held my gaze, trying to appear resolute and emotionless, but I’d seen every emotion in those green eyes and knew her too well to believe her charade.
“I simply thought you deserved to find out in person after everything you did for me. I’m not ungrateful, even if I used you for my purposes.”
I smirked. “You need to do better to convince me.”
Dinara glared. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not here to convince you, Adamo. I’m here to inform you about my decision. This is the last time you’ll see me. I won’t stay in camp, nor will we ever meet again. I belong in Chicago with my people.”
“Your people? The people that want you to dress up as a fake version of yourself? The people who only know one side of you, but not every aspect of yourself, not the dark parts only I got to see.”
Dinara reached into her pocket and took out a smoke. Her fingers were unsteady when she lit it up.
“I thought you wanted to stop?”
She shrugged. “It wouldn’t work.”
“The not-smoking or us?”
She took a deep drag and glanced at her boots. “Both.” She peered back up at me. “Listen, Adamo. This is a courtesy. I won’t explain my reasons. What we had was fun as long as it lasted but it was never meant to be forever. You have to accept my decision. But even if you don’t, it won’t change a thing. Dima and I’ll fly back to Chicago today and I’ll return to my old life, and so should you.”
“We aren’t the same people from our old lives. We changed.”
“I should go now. This is pointless,” Dinara clipped and tossed her cigarette to the ground then stomped it out with her boots.
Despite her words, she didn’t move a muscle, as if she was rooted to the ground.
I took a step closer. “You can trust me with anything, Dinara. Didn’t I prove that over and over again in the last few months? Tell me the fucking truth. Is this because your father doesn’t want you to be with me?” I asked in a low voice.
Dinara looked away, obviously fighting to keep her expression neutral. “We always knew that our relationship had an expiration date. We’re from two different worlds.”
I positioned myself right in front of her, cupped her cheeks and forced her to meet my eyes. She narrowed them to keep me at a distance but I knew her too well for that. What we’d done these last couple of weeks, killing and torturing together, overcoming past demons, that had given me a key to look past her barriers, just like she could look past mine. “Maybe our families are from different worlds, and on different sides, but we aren’t. Our life as we’ve led it over the past year has been in a world of our own.”
“Exactly,” she whispered. “But we can’t stay in our own bubble or world or whatever else you want to call it. We got family and we belong with them.”
“We belong with each other. It’s where we found happiness. I won’t give you up and I know you don’t want to give me up. Did your father threaten to kill me if you didn’t break it off?” Dinara had her own head and I doubted she would allow anyone, not even her father to forbid her from seeing me, but if she feared for my life that would change things.
She closed her eyes, trying to lock me out but I kept stroking her cheeks with my thumbs and eventually she covered my hands with hers. “I hate that you know me so well, that you know how things work in the messed-up world I live in. I should have never let you in.”
“I didn’t give you a choice,” I said quietly. “Just like you didn’t give me one either.”
Dinara let out a harsh breath and opened her eyes. This time it was harder to gauge her emotions. She was really giving it her all.
“So he did threaten to kill or at least seriously hurt me if you kept seeing me?” Dinara always talked with respect and love about her father. I’d never met the man, but even Remo and Nino seemed to respect him to some degree. Though, that was probably a testament to his ruthlessness and brutality, both character traits my brothers appreciated.
It was obvious he was important to Dinara, had been the most important person in her life for a long time. If Grigory was willing to risk war with the Camorra, willing to raise Remo’s wrath, because both would be guaranteed if he laid a hand on me, then he must really mistrust me, or have a closer relationship with the Outfit than we thought. Whatever it was, he’d be a difficult nut to crack. Considering Dinara’s love for her father, killing him seemed like a bad idea.
“Your family doesn’t mind us being together?” she asked.
“Remo has never been someone who played by the rules. He trusts me so he accepts my choice. Of course, he’d never confide any business details relevant to the Bratva while you were present, but he won’t stop me from seeing you. My main work is racing and it’ll stay that way. It’s not like I’m at the base of Camorra business in Las Vegas. I don’t even have to live there.”
She scoffed. “Racing is one of your most important businesses and how can you be sure you’ll be happy living the nomad life forever?”
“We’ll figure something out, and I don’t care how, but I won’t give you up, you hear me?”
Dinara took a step back but I followed. I wouldn’t let her do this. “Don’t make this harder on us than it needs to be. I won’t risk your life.”
“I don’t care. It’s my life to decide on. And I’m willing to take a risk because what we have is worth it.”
“You can’t decide alone, and for me, the risk is not worth it, Adamo. And it’s not just your life on the line. This conflict could endanger my father, Dima and the rest of my family. Nothing is worth risking so much, least of all a relationship based on something as twisted as revenge and blood-thirst.”