‘You remembered.’
I laugh. ‘Yes. You said you were craving a plate of home-made shepherd’s pie. Well, you’re in luck because that just happens to be one of my specialities.’ Happily, I’ve become a world-expert at conjuring very tasty meals from a pack of bargain minced beef. I guess that’s the silver lining right there…
He gives me one of his lazy, heart-stopping smiles. ‘I look forward to that. When do you want me?’
His innocent question renders me speechless for a moment as a delicious image fills my head – Matt taking me in his arms and kissing me, the way he did by the river, the two of us locked together…no, no, no!
‘Any night that suits you,’ I say, my prim tone belying the turmoil that’s going on under the surface. Thank God we’re not yet at the technological stage of being able to read each other’s minds.
‘Tomorrow?’
‘Great. See you around seven? Better dash.’
I’m hurrying out when he calls, ‘You need to send me your address.’
‘No problem!’ I call back, escaping into the fresh April air.
Except it is a problem. I’ve only just realised how stupid I’ve been.
I was so caught up in the whole asking-Matt-out thing, I didn’t stop to think that inviting him over for dinner means he’ll have to come to the flat. No-one has been over the threshold, except Jaxon, since we moved in, and I’ve worked hard to keep it that way, feeling so bitterly ashamed of the situation I’ve got Eva and I into.
But now Matt, of all people, is going to find out the ugly truth. He’ll see at first-hand exactly what I’ve been trying so hard to conceal…
*****
When I walk into the café, Bertha is standing by the servery counter chatting to Hope. They both look over and give me bright smiles.
‘Hi, Molly, how are you?’ Hope’s tone is loaded with sympathy, and I assume she’s thinking about my sprained ankle.
‘Oh, it’s fine now, thanks. The frozen peas did the trick.’
She looks momentarily bemused. Then her face clears. ‘Oh, yes, your ankle.’
I put away my coat and bag in the kitchen cupboard, and Krystle is there, kneading bread, a large flour smudge on her cheek. She frowns when she sees me. ‘Oh, Molly. How are things?’
I glance at her in surprise. Normally Krystle never stops smiling but today, she looks positively glum. ‘Things are fine, thanks.’
She nods as if she doesn’t really believe me. ‘I think you’re so brave.’
‘Brave?’ A warning bell starts ringing very faintly in my head. Something’s not right.
‘Yes, brave. The way you come in here every day and put a bright smile on your face as if there’s nothing wrong.’
I swallow. What’s she talking about? Surely Carrie hasn’t been telling people what I told her yesterday, about Jaxon? No, she wouldn’t. I asked her not to tell anyone…
‘You need to get out of that place, Molly. For your own sake and little Eva’s. We’re all there for you if you need our support.’
‘You know about the place I’m renting?’
She nods. ‘And that horrible landlord.’
I stare at her, my head spinning, feeling the precariously balanced world I’ve created crashing down around me. So the monster has finally escaped from its cage. After all I’ve done to keep it contained, the world now knows my shameful secret. I can’t believe Carrie has told everyone. She promised me she wouldn’t tell a soul.
My whole body is shaking and, feeling as if I might be sick, I run out of the kitchen and dash into the Ladies. Slamming the cubicle door shut, I lock it and subside onto the loo cover, my head in my hands.
I should never have unburdened myself to Carrie. It felt so good at the time, spilling everything out to her, but I’m paying the price now. I recall the sad look on Hope’s face, Bertha’s forced smile, and I shiver. It serves me right for being arrogant enough to think I could dig us out of the hole myself, without any help from anyone else.
A bitter laugh escapes. Talk about deluded!
I’ve failed utterly to bring my child to a safe place. In fact, things are worse now than they’ve ever been – because in a fortnight, we’ll be homeless. And then what the hell do I do? Throw myself on the mercy of social services? But the wheels grind so slowly – look how long we’ve been on the council housing list. I never wanted it to get to this stage, where we needed help from the state to survive. But I guess I need to get used to the idea now. If only I hadn’t been so stubbornly determined to solve everything myself!
I take a deep breath.
I’ve got to be strong. I can’t fall apart now.
I blow my nose and walk out of the cubicle. Calmly, I check my make-up in the mirror. Then I open the door, just as Patrina is coming in.
I smile and say hello, but she doesn’t reply. She just brushes past me and rushes into a cubicle, slamming the door shut. I hesitate for a moment. Her mascara was a mess. Something’s definitely wrong. ‘Are you okay, Patrina?’ I call.
‘I’m fine,’ comes the muffled response. Then after a few seconds: ‘Thank you.’
Out on the café floor, Bertha sees me and immediately comes over, an anxious look on her face. I assume she’s worried about Patrina. But apparently, it’s me she’s concerned about.
‘Are you all right, my love?’ she asks, and I feel myself wobble at the kindness in her voice. Then I catch sight of the ’60 Today!’ badge pinned to her shirt.
‘Oh, Bertha. Happy birthday! I feel awful for forgetting.’
She shakes her head. ‘You’ve got quite enough going in your life on at the moment, by the sounds of things. In any case, the only reason I’m advertising my total ancient-ness is because Hope bought me a card with it on.’ She touches the badge. ‘I’d actually prefer to forget all about it.’
‘Did you get a card from Ron?’ I ask, hopefully.
She sniffs. ‘Nothing. He didn’t even remember.’
‘Maybe he’s got a surprise planned for later?’ I suggest feebly.
She hoots with laughter. ‘I’m far too past-it to be entertaining romantic hopes like that. And to be honest, I’m not really bothered. Oh, look, here’s Iris with Chloe and baby Joe.’
I glance across in surprise. ‘How did Chloe and the baby get over here?’
Bertha shrugs. ‘I picked them up and brought them over last night. They’re staying at Iris’s for a few days.’
‘Aw, Bertha, that’s so nice of you! Does that mean relations between you and Iris are less frosty these days?’
‘They might be,’ she says tartly. Then she grins. ‘Let’s just say the old animosity seems to have melted away a little. It’s amazing what comes out on car journeys when you’re forced to talk to each other. She even gave me a birthday card. I suppose she’s all right, really.’
‘You and Iris becoming friends.’ I grin. ‘Whoever would have thought it?’
‘Er, steady on, Molly. I wouldn’t go that far.’ And she whisks off to get their order.
A little later, Lottie Bing comes in, bearing birthday gifts for Bertha, and she ends up joining Iris, Chloe and baby Joe at their table. They’re having a real laugh together. Even the baby looks happy, bouncing up and down in his high chair when Lottie makes a fuss of him.