“I’ll find her,” I tell them as I slowly lay Darwen’s vacated body on the ground and get to my feet. “I just need time.”
“You’ve suffered your first loss.” I glance back at Sebastian who is leaned against the wall taking everything in. “It’s understandable that you need time. You should do what you must to cope with this situation. Just keep in mind, Anala, they aren’t hurting like you are. They are preparing. They are getting ready to bring you more pain. You mustn’t let your guard down. Do you understand me?”
He’s right. I don’t know how to react to the situation I’m in. I want to lash out and burn everything around me, yet, hurting the humans I’ve come to know is the last thing I would do. “I just need tonight. That’s all I’m asking for. Can you make sure Arwen is safe? Will you stay by her side?”
“I failed you before. It won’t happen again.”
His words sting. Although sent by the heavens to assess me, the angel has become a dear friend. The idea of him thinking he has let me down in any way only adds to the pain I’m already feeling. I take his hand and squeeze it lightly. “You gave Darwen the greatest gift possible. You freed her from damnation. You far from failed me, my friend.” I feel his peace and know he believes my words. It’s enough for now. When this is all over, the angel and I will determine where I stand with his mission.
“Be careful,” Arwen whispers as I move toward the door. I look back and see a slight smile on her face. “I know you can’t be here right now. Just watch your back. We’ll be waiting.”
There’s no reason for me to say more. Instead, I walk out the door and into the warmth of summer air. She’s right. Being here, knowing what took place, is simply too much.
I STARE AT THE DOOR debating on whether this is a smart move. I can’t explain it, but something inside me has screamed Beau’s name since I walked in the house and saw my dear Darwen on the floor. Whether it’s the need to be near someone removed from the situation, or something more carnal calling me to the only arms I want to feel hold me through my pain. I can’t deny what’s surging through me. With a deep breath, to muster up the courage to face him, I lift my hand and knock on the door of his loft above the bar.
“Coming.”
I could leave now. I could turn and run and forget this foolish idea. He’d never know I was the one waiting by his door. He’d never know the terrible things I’ve been through tonight. He’d never know the real me. I don’t want that to be the case though. I want him to know. I want him to know everything about me.
The plain wooden door swings open, and I see his surprised eyes immediately. “Anala? Are you okay?”
I could lie. That’s what humans do in these situations. They claim everything is alright even though they feel like they’re falling apart. I’m not human though. I don’t believe in beating around the bush as they say. Instead, I shake my head from side to side.
“Come in,” he insists as his hand reaches out, taking my elbow to lead me inside.
My senses come alive the moment I walk through the door. The linger scent of coffee is in the air along with Beau’s cologne. From the first time I smelled it on him at the bar, I immediately associated the aroma with a man. In my eyes, Beau is the perfect man, therefore, he has the perfect scent. There’s no trace of heaven or Hell. He’s simply human. He’s simply him. And I love the peace that knowledge brings me.
“What’s happened?” he asks as he leads me toward a comfy looking leather couch. The moment I sit down I feel as though I’ve sunk into a cloud.
“I don’t know where to start.”
“The beginning, Nala. That’s where you start.”
I look up at him and see the concern in his eyes. It’s so genuine it adds to the pain I’m already feeling. “I’m not what you think I am.” The words fall out of my mouth like bile. Yes, I wanted to be near Beau, tell him about Darwen. I never imagined this would be the route I would take.
“What do you mean?”
I glance down and see his hand absently rubbing against my knee. He doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. He’s completely focused on me and what I’m about to tell him. It’s finding the words that’s hard.
“You say I’m too young. You say you’re an old man compared to me. You couldn’t be farther from the truth when you make those statements. I’m not even of this Earth. I’m a monster. I’m a vile, horrible creature and now the simple fact that I was ever born is going to bring pain and destruction to this world. It’s going to hurt the people I care about. It could hurt you. It’s already taken my Darwen.”
I expect to see him jump to his feet and run for his phone. Most men would think a woman talking of monsters was insane. Instead, he stays steady. He watches me closely, then shakes his head slightly. “I think you need to give me a bit more explanation.”
“I’m a Phoenix born in Hell. I was birthed in the fires of the pit as the spawn of Lucifer and his first, Lilith. I was destined to bring destruction to the earth. I was destined to the be the ultimate weapon in the battle of good and evil. I rebelled against that destiny. I was banished to earth, to live alone. I wasn’t supposed to make my way in this world. They wanted me to fail. They wanted me to become something I’m not. Instead, I had Darwen and Arwen who escaped with me. They knew life on this earth before they died. Their caring helped me. Here, on this Earth, I’ve lived several lives. I’ve died young. I’ve died old. I lived several before the twins found me. I’m not human, Beau. I never have been. But for the first time since arriving upon this Earth, I’m in pain and like a human, I don’t know how to deal with it.”
The silence in the room is deafening. I would prefer him to scream at the top of his lungs about me being a lunatic and send me on my way. Instead, he’s contemplating everything I’m saying. He’s truly taking in my words and debating whether or not I’m telling the truth. It’s not the reaction I expected when I knocked on his door.
“I knew there was something different about you the first time I met you.”
“You believe me? That easily?”
“Do you remember a year or so ago when you were sitting in the bar and that guy came up to hit on you? He was in your face, slurring his words, talking about how he could rock your world. I remember it well. I also remember the way your eyes changed. I told myself it was my imagination. I tried to convince myself I saw something I didn’t really see. I knew that day though, you were different.”
“And you weren’t afraid?”
“Nala, I’ve been to war. I’ve seen things I can’t explain. I’ve seen one guy die of the most ridiculous injuries while another pulled through by a miracle. I know there are things in this world I can’t explain. I have faith. I believe in God. How can I believe in that and not believe in Hell?”
“If you believe in Hell, then you understand what I am. You know I’m a monster.”
“No. You are a warrior. If what you said is true and you were banished because you stood up against evil, you’re far from a monster. You’re one of the strongest people I know.”