Expecting a long drive, I kick back in my seat, body aching after a week of hellacious practice. I feel good though, loose, though coach is still working us harder than he ever has, I feel more in tune with myself, with my capabilities.
“He’ll ease up.”
“I’m good. I was just thinking of how good I feel.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I kiss the back of her hand again. “Are you…”
“Am I what?”
“Are you okay with our arrangement?”
She glances over at me from the wheel. “Fine, why?”
“I just hope you know things would be different if we weren’t in this situation.”
“I do. And look at you, being all considerate.”
“I’m trying.”
A mile of comfortable silence passes and when she speaks up, I know exactly what’s coming.
“Lance?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I ask you a question?” She spares another glance my way.
I nod. I’ve seen the question in her eyes more than once.
“Tell me what happens when you put your gloves on.”
Sighing, I close my eyes. I’ve never told anyone about it. Not even my mother and she’s the closest thing I’ve ever had to a best friend.
“I become my truest self.” It’s the truth, but I can see that’s not the explanation she was looking for, so I do my best to explain.
“When you dance…whether you know it or not, you’re the most honest version of yourself.”
She remains silent but nods.
“Your dancing is beautiful because you’re not trying to hide anything, you unveil everything. Your sexuality, your thirst, your motivation, your hunger. It’s what attracted me most to you. I prefer that type of honesty over inch-thick makeup and a push-up bra any day. That’s how I feel when I’m boxing.”
“I get it, I really do. But if that’s your truest self, are you really that…angry?”
“No. That’s me letting it all out. Kind of exorcising my urges. I have a side of me that’s prone to erupt. I’ve always been a bit of a shit. It started when I was young but got worse when I was around twelve. My dad bought me a bag and taught me how to channel it. I fell in love right away.”
“Why did you stop?”
This is where it gets tricky. My honesty may scare her away.
“In high school, I snapped and put a kid in the hospital. It was the same prick who’d been messing with me since middle school. I heard he’d fucked with my little brother, and I just lost it, went too far and made him pay for everything along the way. It’s the one thing in my life I’m most ashamed of. That fight got me benched the last six games of my JV season. I decided ball was a safer outlet and put the gloves down until this summer.”
“Was the guy okay?”
“Broke his nose and a rib, but yeah, he recovered fine.”
“Jesus, Lance.”
Closing my eyes, I let out a breath. “That’s the last time I did anything like that. And it’s why I stay mostly to myself.”
“You’re afraid you’ll hurt someone?”
“Not so much anymore. At this point it’s nervous energy that triggers me more than anything. And it’s due to the pressure I’m under. God, I can’t believe I’m telling you this.”
“I’m glad you are.” Her silky voice is comforting, and she takes our clasped hands and kisses the back of mine the same way I did hers. “I want to know you. More than anything. Okay? Don’t be ashamed to tell me something like that, especially the truth. Deal?”
I nod.
“So, how does your love compare in ball to boxing?”
“I love ball. I love thieving it just as a wide receiver opens up, it’s a natural high. I love the speed, the energy, the hustle, getting lost in the chaos. Boxing…it’s just me. And I like that part of it. And the minute I glove up, it’s like…permission. I missed it a lot. That’s what got me back in the gym.”
She nods in perfect understanding. “I get it.”
“I think you’re the only woman I’ve ever met that might. I see how you let go, Harper, and it’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.”
She pulls into a gravel parking lot in front of what looks like a warehouse and parks her Toyota. I glance around confused, and she turns to me with watery eyes.
“Was it too much? Did I freak you out?”
“God, what you told me? No. Hell, no. Without trying to sound condescending, I’m proud of you.” She unbuckles her seat belt, and before I can open my door, she climbs to my side straddling me before kissing the hell out of me. When she pulls away, her eyes are still shimmering.
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Saying,” kiss, “what you mean,” kiss, kiss, kiss, “and meaning what you say.”
“O-kay,” I chuckle as she showers me with affection.
“I’m serious.”
“Want to tell me which part made you so grateful?” I grin. “Happy to repeat it.”
“Nope. Can’t be repeated.”
“Shame.”
She kisses me again and then nods toward the building. “Come on. Let’s go in.”
“I have a better idea. I’m wiped. How about we go home instead of doing whatever you have planned, so I can put into you what’s left of my energy.”
She frowns and then moans when I bend and kiss the delicate flesh of her neck. “Why did I have to meet you this year? Why not last year? School’s going to be over—”
I silence her with a kiss. When I pull back, she’s smiling. “I promise you’re going to love this.”
“You going to tell me what this is?” I look for signs or a marquee and come up empty.
Her face lights up. She’s never looked more beautiful. “It’s a weigh-in. You’re already registered with USA Boxing. You’re here to meet your trainer.”
I shake my head, anger simmering from embarrassment. “I can’t afford a trainer. I told you that.” I nudge her to move her from my lap. “Let’s go.”
“Not so fast. He’s paid up until the end of spring semester. Just two three-hour sessions a week.”
“What the hell, Harper?” Exiting the car, I take her with me and let her down on her feet. I give myself a few seconds to chill and form the right words. Scanning her delicate face and hurt expression, I’m pissed at myself for ruining her gift. “It’s a nice thought, generous, really, but I can’t accept it. Too much.”
“It’s not, I assure you. I’m good with money, remember? I’m a wealthy woman already because of my penny-pinching Nana. And besides, if you’re so adamant about it, you can pay me back when you win your first big fight. Until then, you accept this as a birthday present.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
Palming my jaw, she pulls my face towards her. “Lance, listen, you just sweetened this surprise for me by telling me how you feel about boxing. You want this, a lot more than you think you do. It’s so easy to see. You need this. You deserve this. You owe it to yourself and your talent.”