“I told Matthew we were having an early night. I just thought it would be nice to hold you for a while before we went to sleep. Tomorrow, we can do whatever you want.”
“What about work?” I ask.
“Don’t be silly,” he answers, a little miffed. “I’m not leaving you on your own. I’ve taken a couple of days off so that I can take care of you.”
He gets undressed down to his boxer shorts and climbs in. Once there, he slides himself over to me, and we’re soon spooning.
I wait for him to do something—anything—for quite a while, but I’m disappointed once again. I know my fear is unwarranted, but I can’t hold my insecurity in any longer.
“Jake?” I whisper.
“Yeah, babe?”
I sigh, wondering if I can ask him. After all the shit I’ve been though, I just feel so vulnerable right now. “Why don’t you want to touch me?”
“I’m sorry?”
“You’re here with me, but you won’t touch me. Do you not want me anymore?”
His head snaps up as he pulls me over to face him. “You don’t realize how much it kills me not to touch you. I have been trying to be gentle for your sake. I don’t know whether you want me to be pouring myself all over you like always when you’ve only just come home from the hospital. What kind of jerk would I be if I pounced on you with no respect for what you’ve been through? When I was rubbing your shoulders, and you were making those noises, it took every ounce of strength I possessed not to turn you over and make love to you then and there. And then there was the bath. That was torture in and of itself. I just want you to see that I can control myself … mostly anyway. I won’t deny that it has been agonizing.”
I feel elated that he still wants me, but at the same time, I feel stupid for doubting him. “I’m sorry. I just feel—”
“Shhh,” he says, cupping my face. “You don’t have to explain how you’re feeling to me, you hear? With what you’ve been through,” taking a deep breath, he closes his eyes, “it’s no wonder your emotions are all over the place. All you need to know is that—with me—you have nothing to fear. You got that?”
With tears in my eyes, I nod my head. “Jake?” I ask, noting the happiness in my voice.
“Yes?” he implores.
“Please make love to me.”
He pulls me over and strokes my face. “Really?”
“Really, really,” I state.
He leans down to kiss me tenderly before brushing a lock of hair away from my face. “It will be my pleasure.”
With that, he kisses me again and makes sweet tender love to me.
It’s pure bliss.
30
The next day starts off very much the same way as last night ended. We stay in bed for an eternity, laughing and joking, with Jake fussing over me every five minutes. We’re wrapped up in each other’s arms, elated, happy, and hopeful of the future.
Once we do finally get out of bed and feed ourselves, I think it a nice opportunity to get some lengths done in the pool. Matthew later dives in and decides to join me, which is fun. We have a great time splashing around, and we even have a couple of races before it gets to be too much for my lungs, and I have to give it up. Jake quickly reprimands me and tells me to take it easy. I think he finds my lease on life hard to comprehend after what I’ve just gone through.
Getting myself dried off, I leave Jake and Matthew to play football. They need some father-son time. Jake’s been devoting way too much attention to me lately.
As I make my way inside, I realize I didn’t call Jessie yesterday. Man, she’s going to be pissed. I get to the phone and dial the number at work.
“Jessie, it’s me, Ana.”
She practically screams down the phone, bursting my eardrums. “You never called! Are you okay? What happened is all over the news.” I’d completely forgotten that this sort of thing would be discussed outside of these four walls.
“Oh, God, they haven’t printed my name, have they?” I ask.
“No, don’t worry. Reporters of all sorts keep calling, though. They’re hoping someone will let it slip and accidentally tell them who you are, but they won’t be getting anything from us. No one’s talking.”
Thank goodness. That’s the last thing I need.
“Thanks, Jessie. How is everyone?”
“As to be expected, I think. Everyone is in shock at what happened to you. We’re also shocked at who was behind it all this time. The papers are having a field day on that one. Jake’s got some damage control to contend with when he gets back.”
Oh, no, he must know this, and yet he’s still here with me acting like nothing’s happening. I feel the guilt come back again. Jake’s been keeping me in this heavenly bubble, hiding me away from the ugliness outside.
“Ana, are you there? You know everything’s going to be okay, right? Jake knows what to do. That’s why he’s the captain of this very close-knit, well-run ship he has here. Even though we’re a bunch of red-necked wannabes.”
I burst into laughter. “You always know how to cheer me up,” I admit.
“Seriously, though. You are okay, aren’t you?”
I smile at her concern. “I’m fine, a little sore but I’ll be right as rain in a couple of days. I will definitely be in next week. I just want to get back to work.”
“Michael says you struck gold on that flasher case. The sicko is right where he belongs again—in custody. You were also right on the burglaries. They have them both in for questioning. Michael wanted to thank you in person. He said he misses you. We all miss you.”
My heart feels overwhelmed by her words. “I’m delighted about that. That’s great news. I miss you all too.” As the smell of honeysuckle hits me, I remember to ask. “Jessie, do me a favor, and thank everyone for the flowers. You too, of course. They are beautiful.”
“Of course I will. Can I come see you this weekend?” she asks.
I smile. “Yes, I’d like nothing more. Not Friday night, though, as we’re having company.”
“Oh, who’s that then?”
I tell her about Cindy coming over for dinner, so she can meet Jake properly for the first time. We all want to become more acquainted with her, since she’s now a part of Matthew’s life. She then goes on to tell me that she and Jerry are still going strong and are going out to dinner again tonight. I’m really happy for her. Both of our lives seem to be going in a good direction now. We make arrangements for her to come over on Sunday afternoon before we hang up.
As I take a shower, I notice how nicely all my cuts seem to be healing. They look like they’re fading, and some have even disappeared altogether. The bruises on my neck are still there, so I decide to wear the other polo neck dress that Jake bought me. I don’t want to upset anyone if I can help it, and seeing these scars is a constant reminder for Jake, Matthew, and for me of Tony and what he did. Just the thought of it is nauseating. I just want them gone. For now, I’m embracing polo shirts and dresses as well as scarves as much as possible.
To keep my mind off things, I decide to go back outside and watch Jake and Matthew play ball. Jake’s bare torso is a welcoming distraction. I watch his muscles flex as he runs and kicks the ball. He looks over to me every now and then to make sure I’m okay. I just nod my head, transfixed on every pore of his glistening skin. It amazes me just how perfect he is.