“Talk to me,” I asked quietly, moving a step closer.
He groaned, throwing his head back to look at the ceiling. “I’m not a man who should be talking about fucking feelings,” he huffed. He held up his fists, clenched so tight his knuckles were white. “I use these – it’s who I am,” he grit out. “The club needs me to be that and I can’t be that when I have to take care of you,” he shot out, leveling me with a frustrated stare.
Holy hell, ouch. It was as though he verbally socked me in the gut. My eyes pooled with tears at his harsh words.
“Well, please, don’t do me any favors,” I murmured hoarsely.
“Fuck! I’m no good like this. I’m leaving,” he muttered, moving past me.
I stood shocked in the sudden quiet, feeling like I’d just been through a hurricane and was left with the wreckage.
I heard his bike start up in the garage and the tears filling my eyes spilled over and down my cheeks. I swiped at them angrily, frustrated he could decimate me so suddenly. He demanded time and time again that I let him take care of us, yet he threw that back in my face.
Well, screw that shit.
I pulled myself together and picked up the phone, calling the only person I wanted in that moment who also happened to be the last person I should share this with.
Chapter 14
Sal was quiet on the drive down the mountain. We’d taken Mad’s car seat out of Axel’s truck and without a word he’d installed it and helped me with my things. I felt guilty for disturbing Maddox but there was no way I was waiting for Axel to come back – whenever the hell that was.
If he didn’t want to be burdened with us, then I was more than happy to let him have his house back. That was what I was telling myself anyway.
I looked out the window lost in thought as we drove. Sal didn’t press and allowed me my space.
We pulled up to Sal and Kat’s new place. They’d moved in a few months ago wanting more space for the baby. Their ranch-style place was close to Wes and Connie’s and had four bedrooms, plenty of space.
Kat swept in quietly when we walked in and led me into their nursery. They’d just started decorating but had a crib already up that I set Maddox in. He immediately went back to sleep.
“You can stay in here,” she murmured, ushering me to their guest room.
“Little different than the last time I dropped on your doorstep,” I smiled dryly, looking around the neat room with a queen-sized bed. When I’d first arrived in Hawthorne, I’d shown up on Sal’s doorstep without warning. He had a two bedroom house back then and the second bedroom was in no shape for a guest.
I looked over at my brother who leaned in the doorway, his dark eyes assessing. “Sal, you’re so grown up,” I teased lightly as I set my overnight bag down on the bed.
“I’ll go get some towels,” Kat offered and I knew she was just giving us a minute.
“I can’t believe I’m gonna say this but whatever that idiot did, I’m sure he didn’t mean it,” Sal muttered. “Want to talk about it?”
“What is it with you two anyway?” I asked, sitting on the end of the bed warily.
He sighed in resignation. “We’ve had some dust-ups over the years,” he admitted with a shrug. “We prospected at the same time all those years ago. I was an outsider and he’d known most of the guys all their lives. He didn’t trust me for a long-ass time.” He chuckled wryly. “I guess it went both ways. We’ve gotten a lot better over the years, but I guess when you came back into town and I saw his reaction to you – well, it struck a nerve. It was less about him though; I admit that was part of it – and more about how you’d grown up. I didn’t think any of the guys would be a good match. Especially when I wasn’t gonna let anyone take advantage of you,” he explained.
“You’re a good big brother,” I replied softly.
A look of guilt swept over his face. “Shit, Soph, I could have been so much better,” he grumbled shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have left you. That was some fucking selfish bullshit.”
“Sal, you were eighteen. You’re supposed to be selfish at eighteen,” I protested.
“Still,” he lamented. “But, Soph, what I said about any of the guys taking advantage. It was clear pretty damn quick that wasn’t Axel’s agenda. Not with you,” he shook his head. “He loves you and he loves Maddox,” he said firmly.
I looked down at my hands and the tears pooled again in my eyes. “I know he does,” I shrugged, biting my lip and trying not to do the whole ugly-cry thing. I was surprised Sal was venturing this far into the emotional zone. I didn’t want to scare him away. “He just…tonight he was so mad,” I whispered. “He made me feel like Mad and I are holding him back from what he wants to be doing, like we’re a burden. I didn’t understand where any of that was coming from or why he was so angry. He’s fought so hard to make me feel like he wants to take care of us but then his actions tonight said otherwise.”
“Shit,” Sal muttered and sighed, coming to sit awkwardly next to me. “I’m sure that sucked,” he acknowledged. “And I’ll gladly pound him if you want.”
I chuckled on a sob and shook my head before he continued.
“Ax has never had a woman – not one he cared for like you, Soph,” he sighed. “It’s an adjustment. It was for me, too. It’s like two sides of yourself warring all of a sudden. That’s my guess of what might be going on anyway. Doesn’t make it right but there it is,” he shrugged as Kat returned bearing a cup of tea.
“Everything okay?” she asked.
I nodded though it really wasn’t. “I think I just want to go to bed. Thanks for letting me stay. Sorry for imposing.”
“It’s no trouble. You guys are welcome any time,” Kat rushed to say. I could tell she wanted to ask for details but restrained herself. “Let us know if you two need anything.”
“I will, thanks.”
“Night, Soph, it’ll work out,” Sal assured me, clasping the crown of my head with affection before they left me to my thoughts.
I looked at my phone. He hadn’t even called, didn’t even realize we were gone. I winced, thinking how freaked he’d be if he didn’t know where we were. That wasn’t fair to him. No matter how mad and confused I was, I didn’t want him to worry. I shot him a brief text.
At my brother’s. We’re safe.
I turned off my ringer and quietly got ready for bed, crawling under the unfamiliar covers. It took me a long time to find sleep. I tossed and turned, Axel’s anger haunting me even after I’d fallen asleep.
There was a faint tapping that grew louder as I roused, feeling groggy. I wasn’t even sure how long I’d been sleeping.
“Soph,” Sal’s deep quiet voice cut through the darkness.
“Is Maddox okay?” I asked groggily.
“Yeah. But Axel’s here. I told him he can’t come in but he’s pretty damn determined.”
“What time is it?” I rasped, sitting up and wiping my hair back from my face.
“Two.”
“Fantastic,” I muttered. “Sorry, Sal.” I felt bad that they’d taken me in and were now being awoken by a perpetually moody Axel Black.