In a split second, my fist curled around her wrist, my arm yanked her inside, and the door slammed closed. My entire body burned as I pressed against her, wedging her against the wall.
She sucked in a heady breath, her eyes sparkling with need.
“I have no honour left. I have nothing left. And it’s fucking liberating because I can start anew. I have started anew. Whatever I make is fresh and untainted by all the shit I did wrong.” My hand cupped her cheek, holding her still. “And you were my biggest mistake, O. Just like it was your mistake to come here.”
I already regretted my actions.
I already cursed what I couldn’t stop.
But my lips ignored my loyalty to Justin and sought hers. They crushed over her mouth. Her taste exploded onto my tongue. My knees wobbled. My breath stopped. And I shoved myself away from her as fast as I could.
“Shit.” Pacing with my hands buried in my hair, I growled. “Please, go. I won’t betray Justin. Not after everything he’s done for me.”
O stood plastered to the wall, her gorgeous eyes tracking me. “Gil, please...calm down.”
“I won’t fucking calm down. I can’t be around you, O. You’re not mine anymore. You’re his.”
“I’m not though.” Her hands balled. “If you just listen to what I have to say, you’d—”
“Wha-what did you say?” My feet glued to the floor. My hands fell from my hair.
Her chin arched. “I’m not his.”
“But...you live together.”
“We do.”
“You share a bedroom.”
She smiled, laughing quietly. “No, we don’t.”
“What?”
“I share with Olive.”
My heart hammered. “How...how is that possible?”
“We have two singles. We’re roommates.”
“Why would you bunk with a child?”
O sighed gently, infuriatingly patient. “Because that child had nightmares for months after you were locked up. She still has them occasionally. It made sense for me to be right there when she woke up screaming rather than have no one to soothe her.”
“Fuck.” I wrapped hands in my hair, overwhelmed all over again at the selflessness of this woman. “You truly are the kindest person I know.”
“No...I’m not.” Her face fell. “If I was kind, I would’ve told you this a long time ago. Instead of keeping a secret that’s literally been chewing me alive.”
I dropped my hands; a shiver ran down my spine. “What secret?” I shook my head, still unable to believe she wasn’t with Justin after all the time they’d lived together, worked together, been together. “The secret that you’re in love with Justin?”
She rolled her eyes. “No, dammit.”
“Look, you don’t have to lie to protect me. I’m happy for you. I’m glad you’re both—”
She sighed dramatically. “Oh, my God, will you just listen? And you’re happy? Really, Gil? Honestly, how would you feel if I stood here and told you that yes, Justin and I were together. That yes, we sleep with each other every night. That yes, I’m madly in love with him and plan to marry him next week.” She planted hands on her hips, her temper appearing. “Tell me, Gil. How does that make you feel?”
How did that make me feel?
Fuck.
I’d tell her.
She wanted to know so badly?
Fine.
Honesty was a disease because once you’d started, you couldn’t fucking stop.
“I feel as if my heart has cracked into pieces and turned to dust. I feel guilty because I shouldn’t want you and angry that I still do. I hate that I have my freedom and Olive is safe and I’m still not fucking satisfied. That I’ll never be satisfied until I have you. Until we’re together...just like we should’ve been since school. And I’m fucking furious that Justin gets to touch you, kiss you, love you when all along it should’ve been me.”
“There.” Her hands slipped from her hips. “Was that so hard?”
I groaned. “Don’t ask me what’s hard, O.”
Her lips twitched with dark humour, her gaze trailing to my jeans.
My need was evident. Grotesquely eager after being caged for so long.
“It’s a relief to finally hear you say it.”
“Say what?”
“That you love me.”
I stiffened. “I told you before. I told you so many—”
“You told me while tying me up to paint and sacrifice me. You told me when we were saying goodbye.” O pushed off from the wall, coming toward me in the middle of the lounge. “You told me in texts and whispers, you told me...but you didn’t make me believe you.”
I trembled. “How was I supposed to do that? It was the honest to God truth. Still is.”
“I believe you now.”
“Why, what changed?”
“The fact that you believe that you love me. Your jealousy makes yourself believe.”
Anger rippled through me. “You’re saying I didn’t love you even when I told you I did?”
“I don’t think you trusted you had the right to love me. You wanted me, but you wouldn’t have kept me if you thought I deserved better.”
“Of course, I wouldn’t. I was the puppet of a psychopath and then facing jail. Why would I trap you into a relationship with someone like me?”
“Because I love you, too. I never stopped.”
The world screeched to a halt. Words stuck in the back of my throat. “You love me? Still?”
She smiled. “It seems it’s a lifetime affliction.”
“But...we agreed it was over. You didn’t contradict me.”
“I needed time. I needed to come to terms with the truth.”
“What truth?”
“That I’ve always loved you, even when I shouldn’t. That I always put you first, even when some might call that weak. That I believe we’re meant to be together, no matter what nonsense life throws in our way.” Her voice lowered, softened. “I’ve wanted to tell you for ages. Every time I came to visit you, I wanted to say I was waiting for you. Every time we said goodbye, I wanted to hug you and say it wasn’t really goodbye. That you were it for me. For always.”
My heart tripped and stumbled. “Then...why didn’t you?”
I didn’t dare believe her.
Couldn’t figure out what this meant.
“Because Olive was there, and she took first priority. Our visits were for her. To assure her you were okay, even if you were trapped for a little while. I wouldn’t take that away from her—”
She sighed, shaking her head slightly. “You know what? That’s a lie too. I had plenty of opportunity to talk to you. I could’ve told you in a letter. I could’ve visited on my own. I could’ve just called you and told you that I was waiting, worried, and completely unable to get over you.”
I swallowed, trembling. “You didn’t tell me because you didn’t want it to be real. You might’ve still been in love with me, but you didn’t want to be.”
She nodded, spearing a harpoon through my chest. “You’re right,” she said quietly. “And that’s why I didn’t tell you. That’s the honest truth.”