I walk back down the stairs and the whole time I feel Juliet watching me closely. The hair on the back of my neck stands at attention. I can’t say that I blame her. She has every right to look at me with open confusion and hurt, but something is brewing behind her eyes. I can feel the impending storm waiting to be unleashed.
Once I’m standing in front of her, I look her dead in the eyes. “My apologies I never came back last night. I’m afraid I drank too much, and fell asleep in one of the guest rooms at Belgrave.” I’ve never had a lie fall faster from my mouth. I feel guilty for lying, but the need to protect Nat and what occurred far outweighs my conscience.
Juliet holds my gaze for a moment longer before she nods, as though she finds my answer satisfactory. “I understand. But I was rather worried.”
“I know, and I’m very sorry.” Clearing my throat, I look to the left and right. A servant walks behind me and it becomes painfully clear that the conversation I’m about to have isn’t as private as it should be.
I nudge my head in the direction of the sitting room.
“I think we need to sit down and talk.” I gesture for Juliet to go first and follow behind her, sliding the pocket doors closed.
When I turn around, I find Juliet sitting on the settee with her hands in front of her, and a faint smile on her face. “Can I speak first?”
I sit down beside her. “Please do.”
Juliet takes a deep breath, as though she’s gathering the courage. Her eyes remain focused on her fingers linked together. “I know we haven’t had this discussion, and it’s rather soon in our marriage, but I haven’t been feelin’ well the past week.”
My shoulders tense, and very slowly, my heart begins to sink to my stomach.
“I sent for a doctor this mornin’ because I haven’t improved…” Her words fade away as she takes a deep breath. “I’m with child,” she announces.
I blink several times, waiting for her image to dissipate and be replaced with Nathalie’s. And when that doesn’t happen, I expect my legs and arms to violently jerk seconds before I wake up, and I realize all of this is a dream. Nothing happens, though. No one moves. Every item in the room stays in place, and the setting never shifts.
This is all real.
Loudly, I swallow, still unable to fully process Juliet’s words. “Excuse me?”
“I’m pregnant,” Juliet breathes.
Her smile is waning, and her complexion is so pale that if she wasn’t sitting down, I’m afraid she might faint herself. She leans in, placing one of her cold hands over mine. “We’re goin’ to start a family of our own. Isn’t that wonderful?”
My body feels numb. I heard the words she said, but I can’t seem to understand them.
A child.
Juliet is pregnant.
I drag all ten fingers through my hair and take a deep breath. This is wrong for multiple reasons. Minutes ago, I was walking in here to tell Juliet our marriage is over, and the entire time she knew she was carrying my child. I can’t leave now. There is no love between Juliet and me, but I need to be there for her and my child.
But Nathalie.
Nathalie.
“Asa? Did you hear me?”
Dropping my hands between my legs. I lift my head and look at Juliet. “Yes, yes,” I give her a wane smile, “it’s great. A child.”
Juliet regards me carefully, as though she’s undecided on whether to believe. Finally, she smiles back. Like me, the smile doesn’t meet her eyes.
“Now we will be together forever,” she whispers.
At her words, a chill trickles down my spine. As Juliet reaches out to hug me, I stiffly wrap my arms around her. Inside of me, my heart beats to one name and one name only.
Nathalie.
My God. What have I done?
CHAPTER THIRTY
Asa
In my life, the idea of being a father wasn’t something I’d given much thought to and when I did, the one person I vowed to never be like was my own father.
I stand by the windows, tense and alert. Every time someone walks by that has the same hair color or resembles Nathalie, I straighten and face the doorway, but their shadows move across the floor and heels echo down the hall.
Perhaps she’s not coming to work. It’s cowardly of me to think that. But all night I thought of how I would begin this conversation. I could think of no gentle explanation that wouldn’t devastate her.
That’s all I care about.
Nathalie.
And I know, after this conversation, the chances of me losing her forever are strong.
I know I was married, and I made vows, but the night I had with her at Belgrave felt as though I was just getting her back. I can’t lose her again.
After several minutes, I glance at the closed door before I take a long, deep breath and walk toward it. I can’t prolong this conversation any longer.
Walking out of my office, I am numb at the conversation I am about to have. I walk downstairs, listening to the hum of the ladies answering calls.
I find Nathalie downstairs in the hallway, waiting for her shift to begin. I take a moment to watch her before everything crumbles around us. She’s beautiful, even in muted colors. Her prim white blouse is tucked into her navy-blue skirt. Light is starting to come back into her hazel eyes. Do I want to be the one to snuff it back out?
No, but she has to know.
Stepping forward, I clear my throat. “Ms. Claiborne?”
At once, she stops speaking to the girl beside her and turns to me. Her brows lift in surprise. Yet she maintains her composure, appearing unmoved by my arrival.
“Yes, sir?” she says politely.
Under any other circumstances, I might be amused by her performance, but I know what lies ahead. There’s nothing to smile about. “May I speak to you for a moment?”
Her brows become furrowed the longer she looks at me. She knows something is amiss. “Of course.”
I turn and begin to walk toward the stairs, toward my office, without another word. Seconds later, I hear the echo of her heels behind me. And I feel as though I am walking toward my death. I’ve had many uncomfortable conversations in my life. I’ve had to let people go from their jobs for a myriad of reasons. Some beg and plead not to go, some scream and shout. And it never feels right, but I soothe the sting by telling myself it’s my job. It’s what I have to do.
However, this… this is all self-inflicted. This is entirely my fault.
I make it up the second-floor stairs and am grateful, yet dreading the sight of my office doorway.
You must do this, Asa. Nathalie deserves to know.
I make it into my office and stop in the middle of the room. I hear Nat step into the room and close the door behind her.
My eyes close and my hands curl into fists, as I take a deep breath.
“Asa, what’s wrong? Why did you call me up here?”
I turn and solemnly face her. Nathalie sees the expression on my face and rushes toward me. I hold my hands out in front of me because I know if I touch her that will further complicate things.
She stops in front me with hurt in her gaze. “Asa? You need to tell me why I’m here.”
I swallow as I sadly stare down at her.
“Juliet is pregnant.”
The utter devastation on Nat’s face feels as though someone’s twisting a knife in my gut, and I have no one to blame but myself. I’d do anything to take back my words; she’s already been through so much in her life and I never want to add more pain. But I’m doing just that.