I smile and put my hand to his cheek. “I know you’re not him. I just need you to be a little bit patient with me.”
“I can do that. Don’t go back to that apartment, though. I don’t want you there. Don’t want you in that place that felt like a jail cell for all that time with him. You’re not ready to move in with me right away, let’s get you another place. We’ll take it slow if you really need that, but just don’t go back there. It’ll keep me up at night thinking of you being in that place with those memories. I want you to be able to forget all the bad shit as soon as you can. That way, it’s you and me movin’ forward, whatever the pace, but just you and me. Not you haunted by memories of him.”
I nod. “Let’s take it a day at a time right now, okay? I won’t go back there, but I can’t promise I’m ready to fully move in yet. Maybe I can move in with Susanna temporarily, or…”
His face has dropped. And I don’t want to hurt his feelings, so I change tact.
“Let’s talk about it at the end of the weekend. How about that? We don’t have to figure everything out immediately, do we?”
“Okay, baby. I don’t want you to feel pressured. But I also don’t want you to wonder where you stand with me.”
I nod. “I appreciate that.”
He leans in and kisses me. “Can I fuck you in that bed now? Or do you want it in the kitchen first?”
I bite my lip and nod slowly. “Bed.”
He lifts me up and carries me into the mouth of the hall and then pushes the door open.
My eyes land on the Make a Wish art on the wall and I smile.
My wishes are absolutely coming true these days. And it feels amazing. But terrifying. I’m going to try to live in the moment here. After all the sadness, I want to let myself feel a little bit of happiness.
“I’ll fuck you in the kitchen in the morning,” he adds.
I bust up laughing.
“No. You don’t know how monumental that is, Dimples. The kitchen-fucking thing is important. On second thought, maybe I’ll wait until you’ve officially moved in.”
I laugh. “What if I want the kitchen sex sooner?”
He gives me a devious look. “No, it’s decided. You want that counter sex, you move in officially.”
I fake-pout, badly because I’m unable to stop myself from grinning. “That’s no fair.”
“Sure it is.”
“If I eventually officially move in, this photo needs to go either to your bedroom or another prominent place in this apartment.” I gesture at the dandelion art on the wall.
“Yeah? You like it that much?”
“I really do. I wanna see it daily.” I look up at his face and he’s smiling at me. His smile is so beautiful, so pure, I almost want to agree right now to move in officially.
And then his smile changes as he puts me on my back and crawls up, taking his shirt off on the way.
I take my own shirt off as he unbuttons my jeans and then pushes them down. I arch my back to help, and this results in him kissing between my breasts and then reaching back to undo my bra. I fall back onto the pillows as my jeans are pulled the rest of the way off and then he drops everything he’s got on below the waist while kicking off his shoes and socks.
My underwear are the last article of clothing to go as he hooks into them with both thumbs and shimmies them down my legs and off.
“Fuck. Condom. I’ll go get one.”
“I’m covered for birth control,” I tell him.
He freezes.
“Should get tested before we go there,” he says.
And it’s like cold water thrown on my libido.
“Because he might’ve cheated,” I whisper.
It never occurred to me that he might have. But what do I know?
Regret slashes across his face. “And me. I’ll get tested too. It’s not just about you, baby. It’s just responsible for the both of us to do in this day and age.”
I nod but there’s a lump in my chest. “Debbie heard you don’t ever go where your friends have been. Do you think I’m…”
“I never did before, no, she’s right about that, but fuck.” He looks angry. And my heart is racing. “Did I put my mouth on you last night? This morning?” he demands.
I jerk in surprise.
“My mouth on you, me in your mouth, Violet. I think nothing when I’m fucking you except that I’m fucking you, that you’re with me, giving me access to your beautiful body. When I’m fucking you, he does not factor and he won’t. It’s just responsible for both of us to be careful until we get tested.”
“Okay,” I whisper. “I’m sorry to ruin the mood.”
“Who says my mood is ruined?” he asks. “Right back.”
He leaves, naked, and then returns a minute later, rolling the condom on as he approaches the bed.
“I hate that there’s drama already in this thing with us just a day into it because of Ray. I didn’t mean to make it about him. I don’t want him to be this ugly thing between us, but-”
“What drama? And he won’t be. He fucking won’t be if you stop saying his name while I’m ready to fuck you.”
He stands there and puts his arms across his chest.
“Shit. Sorry.” I grab my cheeks and shoot him a remorseful expression.
He shakes his head as he crawls up from the bottom of the bed, then grabs my ankle and I fall to my back again. He pulls me down under his naked body and then his mouth comes down and collides with mine.
He kisses me with what feels like anger.
“Don’t be mad. If you’re mad, we should stop.”
“Are you asking me to stop?” He looks down at me.
I shake my head.
“I’m just kissing you, so you stop saying shit to make me mad.”
I gasp in shock and then I laugh.
He smirks and quirks his eyebrows up. “That all right with you?”
“It seems like a great way to shut me up,” I tell him.
His annoyance melts away.
“Okay. Kiss me again then. Don’t stop kissing me.”
“Iadanza doesn’t come between us, Violet. Especially when I’m touching you. Okay?”
“Okay. I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry. It’s not your fault. None of that is.”
He grinds his teeth.
“God, I’m such a screw up. Now I’m crying.”
“I don’t ever wanna make you cry,” he tells me.
I nod, smiling. “Happy tears. For you. You’ve been amazing, Killian.”
“I don’t mind giving you those kinds of tears, beautiful, but not right when I wanna be fucking you. Tears are kinda a boner killer for me.”
“Boner?” I roll my eyes.
He gives me a stern look. “You on a quest to not get lucky tonight, Dimples?”
“Okay, I’ll stop talking. Kissing me might help.”
His mouth comes to mine and I’m on the verge of an ugly-cry, because how come he’s so perfect? How did this happen? Two weeks ago I was in the depths of despair.
He’s lifted me out of that awful place, taken me up high in the sky into this beautiful apartment and treated me like a princess.