And damn, that could be Brandt himself lying there, putting up a fuss about being packed out. His stomach quaked at how close he’d come to falling.
His insides stayed all jumbled up the whole time they got Bronco ready for the helitack crew for a medical evacuation. They had to pack him out to a flatter clearing, and bile kept rising in Brandt’s throat every time he thought about being the one on the stretcher. A decade of doing this, and his in-case-of-emergency contact form had stayed blank. Two weeks with a kid and suddenly he was thinking hard about adding Shane’s name to the sucker because the thought of him waiting at home with the kid had him ready to hurl all over again.
“You okay?” Hartman asked in a low voice as they waited for the evac chopper. “If you’re not feeling well, I can send you with him.”
“I’m okay. You were right though, close call.” Too close. He wasn’t going to rest easy any time soon. He wasn’t going to run from the work that still needed to be done though, nor was he going to leave Hartman alone with the replacement crew. Besides, five of them could get the job done fast, even without Bronco. “I’ll be happy when we’re done, that’s for sure.”
“Yep. We’ll get you home for supper.” Hartman laughed like he still couldn’t quite believe how eager Brandt was to get back to his kid these days.
And honestly, neither could Brandt. This parenthood stuff wasn’t for wimps either. That moment when he’d fought the air, trying to avoid the trees, still lingered with him, as did him pulling back from the climb. A few weeks ago, neither thing would have rattled him, but now all he could think about was how damn fine the line was between strutting out of a job and being carried out.
Hours later, no one strutted, but they all did make it back to base in one piece, sun still shining like it hadn’t been a long-ass day already. It had taken all of them to safely retrieve the gear from the tree, no more injuries, and then they’d had the actual work to get done, too.
And as for the rest of his mood as he finished up, all the loose ball bearings rattling around his chest, maybe home was all he needed. Weird how his craving wasn’t for a beer or a hot shower, but for time with Shane and the baby. He might not understand the how or why, but under his weariness and exhaustion was the bone-deep certainty that Shane’s nearness could help, a terrifying craving he couldn’t shake. And worst of all, maybe he didn’t want to.
Chapter Sixteen
“You look like hell.” Shane supposed there were nicer ways to greet Brandt, but the guy truly did look terrible as he came into the house—dusty and sweaty with a deep frown and slumped shoulders.
“Yeah. I imagine I do.” Brandt leaned heavily against a cabinet. Shane jiggled the baby in his arms, not wanting her crankiness to add to whatever Brandt was dealing with.
“Tough day?”
“You could say that.” Head tipping back, Brandt closed his eyes. His dirt-streaked fists clenched and unclenched. The scent of the chicken Shane had browned to go with some baked potatoes filled the kitchen, but Brandt’s desperation cut through Shane’s hunger, made him shift Jewel so he could squeeze Brandt’s arm.
“There’s food, but if you want to shower first, I can set it to warm instead.”
Brandt opened a single eye. “If that’s not too much trouble...”
“Of course not.” After a long, frustrating day, maybe Shane had been looking forward to the baby handoff, but no way was he pushing the kid on Brandt when he looked like that. “You go shower.”
“Thanks.” Brandt didn’t take too long cleaning up, emerging in sweats and a T-shirt with a towel around his neck right as Shane was plating the food. He’d stashed the baby in her swing, and he handed Brandt a plate before she could start squawking.
“Damn, I’m hungry.” Brandt started eating before he even reached the table, and Shane didn’t force him into conversation as he packed away the food. However, they were both only half finished when Jewel started beating the air with her tiny fists.
“Hey, sweetie. You want out?” Brandt abandoned his plate to go crouch next to the swing, voice still exhausted but also strained, like he was making the effort to be tender even if it cost him more precious energy.
And Jewel responded as soon as Brandt lifted her out, ceasing her fussing long enough to cuddle against Brandt. He even managed to coax a few smiles from her while Shane made the bottle. She sure did seem to love being close to Brandt, and Shane didn’t blame her. Even with Brandt tired and stressed out, Shane still appreciated his presence beyond the baby help.
Brandt took the baby and her bottle to the couch, where he settled down with a groan. “I don’t mind holding her while you eat.”
“Thanks.” Shane ate quickly to outrace guilt over Brandt being the one to deal with the baby. Grabbing Brandt’s plate, he headed over to the couch area. “Here. Let me have her so you can eat the rest of your plate.”
But when he reached the couch, Brandt and Jewel both had their eyes closed. Brandt had turned so his long legs stretched out along the length of the couch. The empty bottle sat on the floor and the baby had snuggled into Brandt’s chest, snoozing away.
“Oh.” Shane started to back away, but Brandt blinked a couple of times.
“’M sorry. Sleepy.”
“So is Jewel.” Setting the plate aside, Shane carefully took her from Brandt. “You rest here. I’ll see if she’ll sleep in the crib.”
“Thanks.” Brandt’s eyes fluttered shut again as Shane retreated with the sleeping baby. Settling her in the crib took some coaxing and back patting and a few songs, but finally she was deeply asleep enough to allow Shane to creep out of the room.
And almost run into Brandt, who was staggering toward his room. “Oops.”
“Sorry.” Brandt rolled his neck.
“Don’t be.” Shane gave in to the urge he’d had ever since Brandt turned up so exhausted, moving so he could rub Brandt’s shoulders. “Think you can sleep?”
“Maybe.” Brandt stretched into the contact, not so subtly inviting more. “Not sure. Guess I’ll try.”
“Okay.” Shane continued the massage, working Brandt’s tense muscles with his thumbs and palms. “Let me know if you need anything.”
“That feels good,” Brandt whispered softly, like any sudden movement might make Shane stop. Or like the admission cost him, acknowledging his needs even this much.
“You want more?” Not waiting for a reply, Shane moved to Brandt’s neck, more deliberate now, trying to sense what Brandt needed most.
“If you want...”