“I want,” Shane said firmly, dropping a kiss on the back of Brandt’s strong neck. And he did want, and not as a sex thing. More like Brandt was hurting and he wanted to help. “You want to lie down for it?”
“Maybe.” Brandt’s eyes darted around like a bed or couch was likely to show up in the middle of the hall. Shane steered the tired guy toward his room, where the big bed would give him more room to work and where Brandt could safely collapse.
“Shirt off,” he ordered as they reached the bed.
“One of your bossy moods, I see.” Brandt managed a tired smile before pulling the shirt off and stretching out on his stomach.
“I’m probably not the best at this,” he admitted as he knelt next to Brandt on the bed. “But I want to try, so tell me what feels good.”
He resumed rubbing Brandt’s shoulders, digging his fingers into a particularly tense knot. He didn’t have a ton of experience with either getting or giving a massage, but he tried to aim for what he figured might feel nice.
“That,” Brandt groaned as Shane traced the long line of his spine with his thumbs. “You can go harder. I won’t break.”
“This?” Shane worked the area around Brandt’s shoulder blades, pressing deeper as Brandt relaxed further into the mattress with soft groans that increased the more Shane tried. With feedback like that, experimenting around with different pressure and strokes of his hands was fun.
“Fuck.” Brandt released a lusty moan as Shane found a particularly good spot on his upper back. “I’d say we should hire you out to the rest of the crew, but I might get jealous.”
“You? Jealous?” Shane paused long enough to kiss Brandt’s neck again, a soft little reward for admitting he didn’t want Shane touching others.
“Trust me.” Brandt gave a rough chuckle. “I’m amazed too.”
“Better be careful or we’re going to fully domesticate you.” Shane gave him a playful swat on the ass before he straddled Brandt so he could put more weight behind his hands for the massage.
“Funny. And fuck, I was thinking exactly that when...” Brandt trailed off on a groan that was more pain than pleasure.
“When?” Shane prompted, softening both his touch and his tone. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, but I’m here if you do. I get crap days.”
“Crap day. Yeah. That’s one way to put it.”
Shane waited him out as he kneaded Brandt’s meaty shoulders. And sure enough, Brandt did have more to say. “There was a lot of wind today. Made our jump...challenging. Then there was an injury. Which happens. Part of the job. But...”
“It rattled you?” Shane was guessing, but he could tell from how battered Brandt had looked when he’d arrived home that it likely had.
“Yeah. Ordinarily, it wouldn’t.” Brandt tensed under Shane’s touch, undoing all his earlier work getting Brandt to relax. But this was important too, getting Brandt to keep talking. “But I kept thinking about if it were me. Who would tell you and the baby?”
“Huh. Yeah. We’d want to know.” Shane stilled, hands resting lightly against Brandt’s warm sides. Inside though, his chest went tight and cold. He hadn’t thought about this before, the very real risks of Brandt’s job, what that might mean for Jewel. For him. For what they had going here, even if they didn’t want to name it. “Maybe you could give someone my number? At least until you get other childcare arrangements.”
He hoped that didn’t sound too desperate, but his need to know Brandt was safe outweighed his ego’s need to play this cool.
Luckily though, Brandt didn’t fight him, instead nodding into the pillow. “I’m gonna do that tomorrow.”
“Thanks.” Resuming the massage, Shane swept his hands up and down the broad planes of Brandt’s back, head still churning with the risks Brandt faced every day. “Was...was the injury bad?”
“Could have been. Damn fool risk this kid took. And he is a kid. Younger than you even.” Brandt tensed again, frustration clear from his tone.
“I’m not a kid,” Shane protested, digging into Brandt’s lower back a little harder than he probably needed to.
“No, that was a compliment.” Brandt sighed like he enjoyed the rougher touch and wiggled more into the mattress. “You’re more mature than I was at your age, that’s for damn sure. Anyway, Bronco fell from a tree. Avoided a concussion by the skin of his teeth. Broke his wrist and I’m not sure what else.”
“Damn.” Shane whistled low to try to cover the shudder that raced through him.
“Yeah. Fuck. Could have been me.”
“But it wasn’t.” He was going to cling to that fact, hold it close so he had any hope of sleep himself that night. Brandt was safe and in one piece and here, and that counted for a whole lot right then.
“Someday it might be.” Not letting Shane have his delusion of safety, Brandt had a far more pragmatic tone. “That’s the thing. None of us ever know when shit’s going to get real. Roger didn’t. Or any of the other buddies I’ve lost over the years.”
“That’s hard.” Shane wasn’t sure what else to say. Roger’s loss still ate at Brandt. That much was clear from the pain every time he mentioned his name, and nothing Shane could say was going to bring back Brandt’s friend or make the risks he faced any less.
“So fucking hard.” Brandt’s voice cracked, and Shane stopped rubbing to stroke his sides more gently. “I almost can’t think on it. Most of the time I don’t.”
“I get that. Some things are almost too much to let yourself dwell on.” Shane hadn’t suffered many real losses like Brandt, but he had his share of heartache, memories that hurt when he poked them.
“Yeah. And the thing is, I don’t even like this kid that much.” Sighing heavily, Brandt stretched like he needed Shane to keep the massage going. “Yet, here I am all torn up over him breaking a wrist.”
“You’re getting soft,” Shane teased as he returned to massaging Brandt’s strong shoulders and upper arms.
Brandt laughed exactly as Shane had intended, some of his tension draining away. “Fuck you.”
“Nothing wrong with letting yourself feel stuff.” Shane traced the curve of Brandt’s biceps with his thumb. He was such a fucking liar, giving advice he couldn’t take. “Emotions don’t have to be big and scary.”
“Says the guy who practically opens a vein every time you sing, even to the baby.”
“You think so?” Shane’s ego hummed at the compliment.