“Can’t wait to see you tomorrow with a band.” Brandt sounded sleepy again, but also warm. Almost sultry. “And yeah, all those feelings...the stuff I try not to think about, you manage to make it almost pretty when you sing.”
“Maybe that’s the trick. Take the stuff that hurts and do something with it.” Shane shifted against him. Brandt might think he was brave for being able to show emotion, but the reality was that sitting with his feelings made his whole body revolt. He needed that release of grabbing his guitar or doing something, anything. “And it’s not always singing. Sometimes I punch a pillow or do pushups until my arms wanna fall off.”
“I wondered how you kept in shape. Rage pushups?”
“Sometimes. Whatever works.” He punctuated his advice with digging his thumbs into a particularly tight knot under his neck. “But I can’t run from all emotions. Not sure I want to, honestly. Feelings suck, but then I write the perfect line...”
He couldn’t help his dreamy sigh. He’d had a great writing day when Jewel had napped. The song for Brandt’s friend was almost done, and he had the start of a few others going too. With any luck, even if he couldn’t guarantee his own singing success, he could sell one of these songs, get a little breathing room on his finances.
“Dude, you talk about songwriting like most of us do sex.” Brandt sounded more in awe than complaining.
“Hey, when it’s good, it’s good.” Shane softened his touch because Brandt was sounding sleepier and sleepier.
“This is good, too. Damn.” Brandt’s groan was low and lusty, and Shane had to shift away so that Brandt didn’t catch on to how turned on Shane was. The guy needed sleep more than he needed a horny Shane rubbing up on him. “Didn’t realize how much I needed this.”
“Good.” Shane swung off Brandt’s ass and pulled the covers up over him, smoothing them in place over Brandt’s back.
“Fuck.” Brandt’s voice was down to a rough, sleepy whisper. “Really want to return the favor, but I keep almost drifting off.”
“Do it. Let yourself sleep. It’s what you need now. You can owe me one later.” Shane continued to rub his back through the covers lightly, a grown-up version of how he’d put the baby to sleep earlier. “I’ll just sneak out if you start snoring.”
“Maybe...” Rolling toward him, Brandt cracked his eyes half-open.
“Yeah?”
“Nothing.” Looking away, Brandt sagged back against the pillow. “Only that you don’t have to go. You can sleep here.”
“That what you want?” Shane stretched out next to him, his front to Brandt’s side, holding him close as he dared.
Brandt took a lengthy pause, several breaths before his head dropped against Shane. “Maybe.”
“Then that’s what I’ll do.” Shane kissed Brandt’s messy hair and held him close. Brandt was already halfway to sleep, and it wasn’t long at all before he relaxed even more in Shane’s arms, softly snoring. Shifting restlessly, Shane willed the rest of his erection to go away. This wasn’t about sex, not tonight. It was about what Brandt needed, about making him feel better after a fucked-up day, and about giving him what little comfort Shane could.
And strangely, sleeping without sex was way more intimate than if Brandt had wanted to get off first. And way more deadly to Shane’s heart, a possibility that kept him awake long after Brandt drifted off.
Chapter Seventeen
“Okay, baby. Let’s do this thing.” Brandt triple-checked the position and tightness of the sling before taking his hands away to close his car door. He’d dropped Shane off at the steak house’s back entrance, then he and Jewel had taken their time getting set to go watch. Fresh bottle. A change. A ride in the sling instead of the bulky car seat. Surprisingly, Brandt liked wearing Jewel, liked her close, and liked how she smiled for him when he looked down at her. Shane might have the magic touch with his singing for her when she was fussy, but Brandt loved how the sling could have a similar calming effect.
All in all, he was feeling like the super dad Shane thought he was, and he stood up a little taller as he reached the hostess station on the expansive porch of the Western-themed building which vaguely resembled an upscale barn in styling.
“Welcome.” The blonde woman working the hostess station had a smile and aggressively helpful demeanor worthy of an insurance commercial. She grabbed two menus before Brandt even had a chance to speak. “Waiting for your wife before you grab a table?”
“Uh...no. No wife. Just us.” Smiling back, he gestured at the baby.
“Awww.” The hostess did the whole fake-melting thing that some women liked to do around small children and animals. She also didn’t hide her slow perusal of his ring finger either. “Table for one, then. Er...two. You going to want a high chair?”
“She’s not sitting up yet enough for a high chair.” Brandt laughed and patted Jewel. From his scouring of the baby book, Shane would know the exact month babies started sitting independently, but Brandt at least knew enough to not put her in something without back support. Planning ahead for sitting on the patio to hear the band, he’d dressed her in the dragon sleeper with the hood.
“She seems pretty happy right where she is.” Having finished examining Brandt’s hands, the woman returned her gaze to his face, far flirtier glint to her eyes. And on a different night, Brandt might flirt back, have a little fun, but tonight his attention was already on the small stage where the band was setting up.
“Hopefully, she stays calm until the music starts.” He followed the woman as she wove her way between tables full of families and couples enjoying the start of their weekends with lots of platter-size steaks and cocktails in mason jars.
“Oh, you came for the music? This group is usually fun. I’ll get you a table with a decent view.”
She finally arrived at a tiny table off to the side. Table for one, indeed. Maybe he should have invited Hartman and Reid or some of the other guys to come out and hear Shane sing. Weird as being so conspicuously single here was, though, he also was strangely reluctant to share Shane with his coworkers. Not because he feared their judgment, but because he wasn’t sure he could hide all his mixed-up emotions and wasn’t really ready for any razzing in that department, didn’t want them cheapening...whatever the fuck this was.
“Enjoy the music.” She gave him another lingering smile.
“Thanks. I’m...friends with the singer they’ve got tonight.” He was, right? If nothing else, he and Shane had to be friends at this point. Fuck buddies didn’t share massages, didn’t hold someone all night simply because they had a bad day, and didn’t wake up early to make sure Brandt had coffee and food for another long day.