“Hardly.” Somehow he managed a laugh. “I like you too much to want to end you.”
Like was an understatement, but even admitting that much had him finding Brandt’s mouth again for a kiss, needing to block out all the warning lights in his brain trying to tell him that this was too much, too fast. Fuck that. Forget everything except this kiss right here, this driving need to be as deep inside Brandt as possible.
And Brandt must have liked that sort of desperation because he was groaning with every thrust now. “Yeah. Like that. More.”
His cockhead was damp against his belly, bouncing every time Shane went deep. He had to be close now, and it would be so easy to grab his cock, send him over the edge. But Shane was determined to see if his boast could work.
“Fuck. Can’t...” Brandt sounded equal parts frustrated and turned on.
“Yes, you can.” Shane soothed him with a hand on his torso. “Promise.”
“So close.” All of Brandt’s muscles went tense under Shane, including his ass, but then he made a frustrated noise. “Can’t.”
“Stop fighting it.” Working on some new instinct, Shane hiked one of Brandt’s legs up, taking further advantage of his flexibility to go deeper. “Let me get you there.”
“Okay.” The trust in Brandt’s voice and eyes stole Shane’s oxygen and was almost enough to make him climax. But not yet. Brandt first. Turning his head, he raked his teeth across Brandt’s fuzzy calf.
“That’s it.” Brandt moaned, new level of keening. Damn. Shane wanted more of those noises and went harder. Faster. Fuck. This was going to be an epic race to the finish.
“Brandt...” He didn’t know what he was asking, only that he might die if he didn’t get an answer. His thrusts were fast losing all finesse, but Brandt must have liked that because his body bowed, tensing and holding. And right as Shane was about to give in and grab Brandt’s cock, it pumped slippery fluid all over his abs as his ass clenched tight on Shane’s dick.
“Oh, fuck.” Shane wanted to celebrate what felt like a huge damn victory, but his body had other ideas, moving hard and fast until he was coming too even as Brandt was still shuddering under him. Felt like crashing through some invisible barrier, reaching a place he hadn’t thought possible before fluttering back toward earth.
“That was something.” Brandt sounded all dreamy as Shane withdrew as gently as possible. He took care of the condom before flopping next to Brandt, both of them still breathing hard.
“Something good?”
“You have to ask? Feels like I jumped without a chute and somehow still landed.”
“Don’t joke about that.” Shane’s voice went stern as his blood ran cold with the memory of those awful moments after the demo when he hadn’t been sure whether Brandt was okay.
“Sorry. I won’t do that again.” Brandt pulled him close enough to kiss. “I’m safe. You know that.”
“Yeah.” Shane wasn’t so sure about that. No one was ever safe, especially people in jobs like Brandt’s. There were no guarantees he could make Shane, but Shane wasn’t going to ruin the moment by arguing the point. Instead he burrowed into Brandt’s chest, letting his steady heartbeat calm Shane’s thready pulse.
“I’m just trying to say that you took me high.” Brandt stroked Shane’s hair before he yawned. “Hell. You fucked all my words out.”
“It’s okay. You rest.”
“We were gonna talk...” Brandt ended with another huge yawn.
“Later,” Shane promised even as dread chased the last of the pleasant hum out of his muscles, made him tense all over again. He didn’t want a damn thing to change, but that seemed like a battle he’d already lost.
* * *
Shane’s neck hurt. He was exhausted and still had hours of day to get through.
“So you’re going?” And Brandt. Hours of him and his questions too. They’d been going around on this issue in whatever limited time they’d had together. And now Brandt had arrived back from his shift only to start in again as soon as he saw Shane in the dining area packing up his stuff for the show with the cover band that night.
“To this gig, yeah.” Which Brandt damn well knew, having already decided to stay in with the baby rather than go out to watch again. Jewel still had a few days of antibiotics to get through, and the last thing they needed was her sick again. But the second last thing Shane needed was all this pressure from Brandt. “Quit trying to bully me into deciding on the Portland show.”
Frowning deeply, Brandt buckled Jewel into her swing before turning back to face Shane. “You promised to think about it.”
“And I have.” Hell, he’d done little other than think ever since getting the call. Couldn’t bring himself to cancel but also couldn’t see himself going either. Any more thinking and his throbbing head might finally boil over.
“Why do I have the impression that you’re just humoring me and still planning on turning this opportunity down?”
Busted. Shane shifted his weight from foot to foot, trying not to squirm in the face of Brandt’s pointed look.
“Because maybe we both know that it’s simply not practical right now?” He couldn’t outright lie to Brandt, so he went straight to the conclusion he kept circling back to himself.
“Screw practical.” Brandt’s hazel eyes flashed as he stepped closer. “This is your dream.”
“It’s not that straightforward.” If only. Shane had wanted one thing and one thing only for years now, right up until the minute he found something he wanted more. And he probably couldn’t have that either, but he also couldn’t ignore how his soul felt split right down the middle. “You don’t have other childcare, and I’m not leaving her without a plan.”
Or Brandt. He wasn’t leaving him either, but keeping the focus on logistics was so much easier than voicing everything else in his head and heart.
“Let me worry about the plan.” Brandt touched Shane’s shoulder, his hand warm through Shane’s thin Western shirt.
“I know it’s hard to believe but I’ve grown kind of attached.” Relaxing into Brandt’s grip, he tipped his head back, willing him to understand that he wasn’t only referring to Jewel.
“I get that. She’s easy to care about.” And there they were, Brandt missing the point even as he rubbed Shane’s shoulders and gentled his tone. “And I appreciate your help. But you need to at least do the Portland show. I’ll figure something out for those days and then we can deal with LA if—when—that happens.”