“You need to take your medicine,” I say and move away from Chase. I wobble when I stand, having to put my hand on the wall to steady myself as I move into the kitchen. Chase isn’t supposed to take the antibiotics on an empty stomach. I open the fridge and pull out eggs.
“What are you doing?” he asks, standing in the threshold of the kitchen.
“Making breakfast.”
“I’ll do it. You can lay down.”
I shake my head. “I want to stay busy.”
“Okay.” Chase comes into the kitchen with me, and we work together to make breakfast. I drink half the bottle of wine as I cook, and make it through a plate of scrambled eggs before I’m feeling sick. Chase takes me to the bedroom and tucks me in. The world spins around me and I close my eyes.
Chase sits next to me, giving me a kiss before he gets under the blanket too. “When you’re ready, we need to talk,” he says softly. “And remember my promise. I will always love you.”
Chapter 30
Chase
Maybe I should have cut her off and not let her have that second glass of wine. I don’t know how to handle this, and my mind is all fucking over the place.
I need to tell her about the voicemails.
My heart breaks to see Sierra hurting.
I wish we were still having a baby.
I rub my temple and look at Sierra. She’s sound asleep—as she’s been for the last three hours—next to me in her bed. She looks at peace now, and I wish so fucking bad that same peace will carry on into the day when she wakes.
I don’t know what to do from here. I had no fucking clue losing a baby you’d only known about for two days could hurt so damn much. Do we keep this to ourselves forever? When is it okay to try and have sex again? I’m going to assume we’ll both agree to better birth control than pulling out since that worked out so well for us last time.
Thinking about the physical toll this is taking on Sierra, however ‘normal’ the doctor says it is, makes me want to throw up. She said the bleeding slowed, but she didn’t say it stopped. My heart hurts for the loss of what could have been but hurts even more knowing what Sierra is going through.
It’s not fucking fair. This shouldn’t have happened to her. She’s already dealt with a loss. Why does she have to go through it again?
Sierra stirs in her sleep and I hug her, wishing I could take away her pain. If there were a way, I’d do it, no matter what the cost. Sierra is everything I never knew I always wanted. I hold her tight in my arms, ignoring the pain it’s causing me to feel around the area that was sliced open not that long ago.
I’m asleep and dreaming about Sierra when my phone rings. I jerk up fast and feel a painful tug on my flesh. Wincing, I grab my phone and see that it’s Josh. Instantly. I feel like shit for not calling him and letting him know what went on last night.
“What the fuck?” he asks as soon as I answer.
“Shit. Sorry, man. I should have called you last night.”
“You’re not supposed to be working,” Josh says. “Let alone getting in fights. What the hell were you thinking?”
“That I wasn’t going to let some assholes lay a finger on the bar. Or Sierra.”
“Is it terrible to say I wish I was there so I could see it all go down? I heard the guys you took out were twice your size and jacked on steroids.”
“So this town likes to gossip and expand the truth. The steroid part might be true. I wouldn’t put it past those guys, actually. And it was easy to take them out. They’re a classic case of all brawn and no brain. If they hadn’t threatened Sierra, it would have been fun.”
“Makes you miss the old days?”
“No,” I say honestly. “You know I enjoy a good fight or two. But this…” I look at Sierra’s pretty face. “This is better.” Even now, with a constant ache in my heart for what we lost. I look out the window, wondering if it would have been better to have not met Sierra at all. We wouldn’t be in this situation right now. Would she be better off without me?
I’ve been changed for the better. I didn’t know how much was missing until I found her.
“How are my nephews?” I ask. “And Dakota.”
“Wearing us out of course, but great. Dakota is having some jealousy issues. I’m taking her fishing after church tomorrow. That clearing behind The Mill House is a good spot.”
“Are there a lot of fish in the river?”
“In the deeper parts. I’m hoping not to catch a lot,” he admits with a laugh. “It’s easier. Though Kota likes to throw ‘em back so there’s nothing to take home and gut.”
“I’ve never been fishing.”
“Ever?”
“Nope. Don’t forget I grew up in Chicago. You wouldn’t want to get in any bodies of water around there.”
Josh laughs. “Come with us then. That would make Dakota happy. Are you going to be home?”
“I’ve been staying with Sierra. But I can stop by.”
“Great. See you tomorrow then.”
“Tonight. I’ll be at work.”
“I thought you weren’t supposed to go back to work until next week.”
“I’m not,” I say. “I’ll take it easy.”
“Come in at ten,” Josh says, knowing better than to argue with me. “I can leave early and you’ll only have to work half a shift that way.”
“Sounds good.” I hang up and lay back down, holding Sierra. I wanted her to have a happy ending. It’s not too late, is it? She rolls over in her sleep, feebly reaching for me.
“Chase,” she mumbles and curling into my arms. I close my eyes feeling more determined than ever to make this woman happy. Her phone rings and I reach over to her side of the bed to silence it.
Lisa is calling, and seeing her name on Sierra’s phone makes a chill settle in the room. She’s going to tell Sierra about the messages if I don’t. It wasn’t an empty threat. Lisa has proved more than once that she’s not my biggest fan and feels that she needs to protect Sierra…no matter what the cost.
I admire her loyalty and fierce friendship. That kind of bond is something we all long for. To have that best friend stand up for you even when you’re wrong. To risk pissing you off because they know it’s for your own good. To care about you more than you care about yourself.
Except Lisa gets too caught up. She acts before she thinks. And she doesn’t like to be wrong. Sierra told me that Lisa already dug up dirt on me. She’d love another chance to prove how bad I am.
Maybe I am bad. I did listen to the messages. The intimate words weren’t meant for me to hear. They weren’t meant for anyone but a ghost. And I listened.
“Morning,” Sierra mumbles and pushes herself up. “Or maybe afternoon?”
“It’s afternoon. Want anything? I can get you breakfast. Or lunch. You probably want water, right?”
“Yeah.” Sierra rubs her eyes and sighs. “I should be taking care of you still.”
“You are.”
She brings her knees to her chest and closes her eyes. “I did a lot of thinking between passing out from too much wine.”