“Yeah, they’re powerful. Can I help you with something?” I walk past him to the counter, getting a tissue and the coffee Lisa brought.
“My grandma wants more books by the same author.”
“Sure. What’s the author’s name?”
“I don’t remember. It was that book you recommended for her birthday.”
“Ah. I remember now.” I blow my nose and take a sip of coffee and cross the store, picking up a book from the box. “This just came in this morning. And this one is signed.”
“Great. You’re making me the most popular grandkid, you know.”
I fake a laugh and ring Wyatt up. He looks down at my phone when a text comes through. “Someone misses you,” he teases, seeing the missed calls and texts from Chase. My heart aches.
“Yeah. He does.”
“Ah, Sierra, dear,” Mrs. Williams says, shuffling into the store. She uses a cane when she walks now, and her bad hip seems to be getting worse and worse. I’m just about to close down for the day and wasn’t expecting to see her.
“Hi, Mrs. Williams. What are you doing here?”
She smiles, brown eyes gentle. “We need to talk, honey.”
“That’s never good.”
“You’re not being fired,” she goes on with another smile. “But I am putting the store up for sale.”
My mouth opens and it takes a second before the words come out. “You are?”
“It’s time for me to retire, dear. I’ve been trying to convince JJ for a while to take over the family business, but he wants to follow in his father’s footsteps instead and reopen the garage. I’m going to use the money I get from the building for this new business venture.” She lifts her gaze. “Nothing would have made him happier than seeing that car shop open again.”
I smile right back at her, and it’s my first genuine smile of the day. “He would have loved it.”
“I’ve already gotten things in order, and the official listing goes up tomorrow. You know how real estate is around here. It might be a while before we find a buyer, but I wanted to tell you before the for-sale sign goes up. I know you love this place.”
The words sit on the surface of my mind but haven’t sunk in yet. I need to keep them there, or else I’ll break down. And there’s nothing else to break.
“It’s been a long time coming,” Mrs. Williams goes on. “I’ve been considering this or well over a year now but kept finding reasons to hold on a while longer. Seeing you happy was the final push I needed.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you. You love this place just as much as I do, and before…before I couldn’t do that to you, dear.”
I work hard to keep the tears from flowing. I was happy, and it all got swept away in an instant.
“You shouldn’t have put off retirement for me.”
Mrs. Williams looks around the store. “It’s been hard for me to let go. Bringing books to this small town was a dream of mine when I was a child.”
“Maybe the buyer will keep it as a bookstore.”
“Maybe. But not if they’re interested in making money,” she adds with a laugh and pats my hand. “You look tired, honey.”
“I am.”
“Busy getting in more bar fights?”
“You heard about that?”
Mrs. Williams laughs. “Who hasn’t? And I heard how that boyfriend of yours is quite protective of you.”
I can’t think about it or else I’ll cry. “He is,” I say and feel the switch flip back to where it was before I met Chase, back when I thought I was broken and incapable of feeling joy ever again.
A deep sadness comes over me, not because of recent events, but because this time I know that switch is never going the other way ever again.
Chapter 32
Chase
I sit on the rock looking out at the river. Sunlight reflects off the shiny surface, blinding me. My eyes water from the harsh light, my legs ache from sitting still, and my head pounds. Yet I don’t move. I stay here, hot, hungry, and uncomfortable with no plan to move.
I deserve this punishment and more. I fucked up. I didn’t just lose Sierra, I hurt her even more than she’s already hurting. My whole life has been filled with moments I’m not proud of, but I’ve never regretted anything like I do right now.
I want to make things right.
Blinking, I look away from the water and down at my phone. Sierra won’t answer my calls, not that I really expected her to, and hasn’t texted me back. I call her, and her phone rings once before she declines my call. My heart lurches at the sound of her voice, telling me to leave a message and she’ll call me back as soon as she can.
“Sierra,” I start. “It’s been over a day since I’ve seen you, and it already feels like a lifetime. I miss you. I’m sorry.” I close my eyes, imagining she’s in front of me.
“I got the scar on my back when I broke into a lake house in Utah to take a portrait that was supposed to go to the wife in the divorce. Her ex-husband wasn’t supposed to be there. I felt sorry for him. His wife married him for his money, cheated, and took him to the cleaners at court. He was no match for a fight, so I let him take one swing at me unguarded but didn’t see the broken piece of glass in his hand. He apologized after he cut me. I still feel bad for taking that painting to his ex.”
I hang up and stand, legs asleep from sitting so long. I shake out the pinprick sensation and go into the bar. It’s a typical slow Monday night. Josh is working and doesn’t need the extra help tonight. It takes a while to convince him to go home to his wife and kids. He feels bad since today was my day off, and only agrees once I tell him Sierra is busy tonight and we’re not seeing each other anyway.
I don’t approve of drinking on the job, but fuck it. The bar is slow and I fucking need it. I pour whiskey into a glass and down it. I haven’t eaten all day. My appetite has been gone since yesterday afternoon when Sierra told me to leave.
I add ice to my glass and more whiskey. I try to sip it slowly but pour it down my throat instead. I need to numb the pain. In no time at all my mind swirls and I lean on the bar, rubbing my forehead.
I can’t stay here without Sierra in my life. This town is too small. We’d run into each other and seeing her without being able to be with her would be worse than putting food just out of a starving man’s reach.
I’ll be reminded of Sierra no matter where I go in this Godforsaken place, making everyday hell on earth. Will seeing me do the same to her?
I bring the bottle of whiskey upstairs with me after I close the bar for the night. I drink enough to pass out, but not enough to keep the nightmares away. I wake at dawn fighting off the image of Sierra’s body floating in the river, lifeless eyes staring up at me. Her belly was large and swollen, and a baby cries from deep inside the forest. No matter how hard I try, I can’t get through the water to find the child.
Our child.
I don’t attempt to go back to sleep until I chugged enough whiskey to kill a whale. I wake up in the afternoon feeling like complete shit. The first thing I do is check my phone in case Sierra called.