“And what are your thoughts about it?”
“I’m not sure you’ll like my thoughts.”
“When has that ever stopped you? You say things I don’t like all the time. It never seemed to bother you before.”
He chuckled, his eyes warming and his posture relaxing. “That’s true, I suppose. The thing is, I wonder if the you that you used to be—the you who thought she loved him—was the real you.”
Her back stiffened. “I think I’m a better judge of who I really am than you are.”
“See, I told you that you wouldn’t like it.”
Momentarily torn between arguing with his obnoxiousness and getting more information, she ended up choosing the latter. “Why wouldn’t that be the real me?”
“Because I just can’t see you with him. Dave. He’s a decent guy. He really is. I have absolutely nothing against him except he’s kind of predictable, but that’s hardly a black mark on someone’s character. But he’s too soft for you. You’re too strong. He’d never challenge you, and you’d be bored and listless before the first year with him was up.”
It didn’t make sense, but she was more gratified by his assessment than offended by it. She’d never really thought about herself as particularly strong, but his words still rang true.
She could suddenly picture a life she might have had with Dave, and it would be boring. It wouldn’t excite her. She’d never feel stimulated—brought to life—the way she did right now.
She didn’t tell Robert any of that, of course. “I’m not sure if that’s right.”
“It is right. He’s not a bad guy, but he doesn’t make his own way. He goes with the flow. He’d go with your flow, and you’d end up turning him into the man you thought you wanted because you’re capable of doing that. But then you’d be bored to death with him. I still think he made the wrong choice, but it was probably the better choice for who he is. Stacey will always look to him to lead her, so he’ll have to step up. He’ll have to take some real initiative, which he never would have had to do with you. He’d never have stepped up with you because you’re not looking for a leader.”
“What am I looking for?” If she could have heard herself from a distance, she might have thought it was a strange and inappropriate question, but Amanda didn’t know how else to put it.
And Robert evidently understood. “A partner?” His tone lifted slightly at the end, making it into a question.
She nodded. “Yes. I guess that’s right.” After reflecting on that for a minute, she turned her head to give him a half-hearted scowl. “You’ve never been in relationships yourself, so how did you get so smart about things like that?”
He shrugged, looking like he was trying not to smile. “That’s what comes from spending decades watching from the sidelines but never getting involved.”
“I guess so. I suppose you keeping your distance can make you smart. But can it make you happy?”
He narrowed his eyes but didn’t look at her and didn’t answer.
“I’ve answered all your questions, even the invasive ones.”
“Yes,” he admitted. “You have. And the answer to your question is no. You can be safe. You can be fine. You can get through life and do okay. But you can’t really be happy if you keep your distance from everything and everyone.”
Her stomach twisted at the wry confession. “So maybe the you that you think you are—the you who always keeps his distance—isn’t the real you after all.”
“Now you’re pushing it, sunshine,” he muttered, a growl in his voice.
“It’s only fair for you to take what you dish out.” Then she giggled. “And also I don’t know how someone can make an endearment sound like a threat, but you sure have a knack for doing it.”
“You know exactly how it’s done. You have the best I’m-pretending-to-be-sweet-but-you’re-in-danger-of-being-murdered smile I’ve ever seen in my life.”
“That’s my pageant smile. I was in beauty pageants from six years old to thirteen. I know how to fake a smile.”
Robert shot her a surprised look. “You did beauty pageants when you were six years old?”
“Yeah, I did. Didn’t you know that?”
“Why would I know that?”
“I don’t know. I guess you wouldn’t. I’m just used to everyone knowing. Most of my friends have known me since school, so they lived through the whole ordeal with me. But yes, my mom put me in those terrible glitz pageants for kids. I got saddled with all the ridiculous trappings. Sparkly cupcake dresses. Big hair, tons of makeup, fake teeth. Everything.”
“Fake teeth?” Robert’s eyes were as wide as she’d ever seen them.
She was about to answer, pleased that she’d shaken him so completely even if it was only because of one of her childhood miseries. But just then a lot of things happened all at once.
There was a lot of traffic on the interstate today. Robert wasn’t going very fast—just over the speed limit—and he was mostly staying in the right lane, so she’d been relaxed despite the traffic.
But the line of cars passing them was going very fast. And a tractor trailer was beside them as the road took a deep curve down a hill. The truck couldn’t stay in its lane and veered over into the right lane. Right on top of Robert.
He slowed down and moved onto the shoulder in an attempt to avoid it, the rumble strips beside the road making the SUV shake. He also blew his horn to let the trucker know he was there.
But the truck had picked up too much speed and couldn’t pull out of the curve and back into its own lane. The shoulder wasn’t wide enough to give them somewhere to go, so the last thing Amanda processed clearly was that they were going to end up in the ditch.
“AMANDA.”
Amanda heard the voice. Was vaguely aware of it. But she was confused and disoriented and didn’t know where the sound was coming from.
“Amanda! Talk to me. Are you okay?” The voice was clearer now. Very close. Familiar. And it sounded so, so scared.
She tried to answer. She didn’t like for the voice to be so worried. She tried to say “I’m okay,” but it came out as a croak.
“Shit, sunshine. Are you hurt?” There were hands touching her now. They matched the urgency of the voice as they moved over her face and down to her shoulders and arms. “Talk to me. Please. Are you hurt?”
The voice and the hands were almost panicked now. It was enough to push the daze in her mind into focus.
“What happened?” she managed to ask.
“Oh, thank God,” the voice mumbled. “I was seriously about to lose my mind over here. Don’t do that to me again.”
“I’ll try not to. What happened?” She liked the sound of the voice now. Desperately relieved. But she was aware enough to realize she hadn’t gotten an answer.
“Damn truck ran us off the road, and the airbags came out.”
“Oh.” She blinked several times, her vision clearing. She hadn’t been unconscious or anything. Just dazed and shaken up and confused. “That’s annoying.”