“I know that. But that’s because you sent me a text that said you were in a car accident! How am I supposed to deal with that?”
“I told you it was nothing serious in the text.”
“Yes, but I was still worried. So you’re really okay?”
“Yeah. I wasn’t hurt at all. Just kind of shook-up. And Robert just sprained a wrist. It wasn’t a big deal. Just a pain. We had to rent a car to make it to the wedding.”
“That is a pain. What happened exactly?”
Amanda told her sister the story, how the truck had forced them off the road and all the hassle they’d had to go through afterward. Stacey asked a few questions, clearly genuinely worried.
Eventually the conversation shifted to other things, and Amanda casually asked how Dave was doing.
“He’s fine,” Stacey said in a different tone. “He’s doing fine.”
“What’s the matter? Is something wrong with him?”
“No. Nothing’s wrong. We just had a fight last night. I wanted to go out to dinner, and he wanted to play his stupid video games with his friends.”
“So who won?”
“He did. Of course.”
“How hard did you push?”
“Not hard. I don’t want him to be annoyed with me or think I’m spoiled and always want my way.”
“Obviously. But you’re not spoiled, and you can’t always bend to what he wants. So if you did what he wanted this time, be sure to do what you want next time.”
“I’ll try. But I’m not very good about putting my foot down. I wish I was more like you.”
“No, you don’t. If you were, Dave would never have fallen in love with you.”
“That’s true. Then I wish I was a little more like you. I’m not very good at being strong.”
“You’re plenty strong,” Amanda insisted, immediately defensive of her sister even if Stacey was the one bad-mouthing herself. “You’ve always been stronger than you think. Just remember that what you need and want is just as important as what he wants. You can’t always be the person who is giving in. He knows that. You just have to make sure he remembers it.”
“I will. Well, I’ll try anyway. I just don’t like him to not be happy with me.”
“You need to be happy too.”
“I know. And I usually am. I mean, I’ve never been as happy as I’ve been with him.”
“I know. That’s really good. He’s been really happy with you too.”
“Yeah. I think so. It’s funny because when I was with other guys, I thought I was happy. I thought I loved them. I thought it was the real thing. But now that I’m with Dave, it feels like all those other times I was just acting out a role in a play. Like it was all fake, but I didn’t know it.”
Amanda’s heart gave a weird little jump. “Y-yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. I know... I mean, I think I know what you mean.”
“Just wait until you fall in love. You’ll feel it too. It’s different when it’s real. All those other relationships I was in were just drama. Dreams. Things I made up in my head. Half the time, I really think I was breaking my own heart. Then Dave told me he loved me. And it was real. It was finally real.”
Amanda gulped, her stomach suddenly heavy. “Yeah. That makes sense. I’m happy for you. I really am.”
“It will be real for you too. He’ll say he loves you—whoever he is—and you’ll know it’s real.”
“Maybe so.” Swallowing hard, she glanced at the clock. “Shit, Stacey. It’s getting late, and I really need to get in the shower. We’ll talk later, okay?”
“Okay.” Stacey didn’t sound upset about the abrupt end to the conversation. She was as soft and bubbly as ever. “Have a great time at the wedding, and I’m so glad you didn’t get hurt!”
After she hung up, Amanda didn’t get in the shower immediately. She sat and hugged her arms to her stomach, trying to hold back an aching swell of emotion.
She wasn’t even sure what she was feeling—it made no sense. What Stacey had been saying wasn’t really about Amanda. Her sister didn’t know her situation. She’d just been rambling in her typically clueless but sweet way.
But Amanda was suddenly terrified.
Because it felt like the real thing with Robert. Realer than anything else she’d ever experienced.
But she’d thought the same thing about Dave. And she’d been wrong. Stupidly, pathetically wrong. And she’d broken her own heart by yearning after a man she could never have.
Maybe she’d done it again. Maybe she’d lied to herself about Robert, about how he was feeling and what she meant to him. After all, he’d never told her he loved her. He’d never told her he wanted to be serious. He’d said some things in the dark this morning that made her feel like he loved her, but there was no reason to believe the words were more than a moment’s impulse.
If he cared for her, he would say so. If he wanted their relationship to deepen, he would let her know.
And if he didn’t do that, then she was just acting a role in a terrible play she’d already performed. She’d once again be the fake person instead of the person she really was. And that would mean one thing for sure.
She was breaking her own heart again.
eight
TAKING A SHOWER AND drying her hair helped Amanda regain some composure.
She’d been acting overdramatic. Unreasonable. After all, she and Robert had just barely gotten together. They’d only shared two nights. What kind of silly dreamer would expect a profession of love or long-term commitment after such a short time?
There was no reason for her to assume such a thing. Or even hope for it. Things were going fine. Good. They could take it slow and see what happened. Robert had a lifetime of keeping his distance, keeping other people at arm’s length. She could hardly expect him to throw all that aside in an instant because they’d had a few meaningful moments together.
Give him time. Give him space. Don’t push or get too presumptuous. He’d hate that. And it wasn’t like her.
She’d be patient. She’d be good.
With that resolved in her mind, she was able to head up to Michelle’s suite for bonding and giggles and a lengthy beauty routine. She was even able to mostly enjoy it.
After that, she was so busy she hardly had time for brooding about Robert. There were photos to take and last-minute wedding preparations to get through, and soon it was time for the ceremony, which was taking place on Michelle’s fiancé’s ridiculously expensive yacht.
It was a warm, sunny day, and the breeze off the ocean was strong. Amanda’s expertly arranged hairdo didn’t stand a chance. Before Amanda followed the second bridesmaid on her walk down the aisle between the eighteen gathered guests, strands of hair were defying hairspray and gravity and blowing in her face.
It didn’t matter. Michelle was clearly delighted by everything, and the short, sweet ceremony was fun and relaxed. Afterward, they took some more photos, and then everyone went to the other side of the yacht for food, drink, and celebration.
Amanda tried to enjoy it. There was no reason not to enjoy it.