Except Robert was acting like they weren’t together.
He wasn’t completely ignoring her. He’d texted her a couple of times today to check in and then telling her he was heading over to the yacht. He smiled when he first saw her before the wedding, and he smiled again when she took her place at the front with the other bridesmaid. He came over and chatted for a few minutes at the beginning of the reception, but he didn’t stay very long.
He wasn’t acting like a boyfriend. He wasn’t acting like she was special to him. No one in the world would know they’d had mind-blowing sex less than twelve hours ago.
It was fine.
It was all fine.
Everything was perfectly fine.
They’d never discussed making their relationship public, so maybe he was just being careful. Maybe he didn’t want to assume she was ready for that. He was being thoughtful. Sensitive.
Or maybe he wasn’t ready for a relationship.
Maybe he didn’t want one.
As the reception went on and there were more and more opportunities for Robert to find her, talk to her, Amanda’s stomach slowly sank until there was nothing but an aching pit in her gut.
If he’d wanted to be with her, he would be with her. That was the first truth about guys. Robert had told her so himself in front of that restaurant years ago.
If you were important to a man, he would make you important. And if he didn’t make you a priority, then you weren’t.
Robert looked at her sometimes, but he wasn’t talking to her. He wasn’t showing the rest of the world that he cared about her as more than a passing acquaintance.
Amanda broke her new one-glass rule and had three glasses of champagne. A couple of hours into the reception, Michelle demanded she show the rest of the guests her pageant poses, so Amanda made everyone roar with laughter by performing her pageant walk and standing with “pretty feet” and “pretty hands.” She went through all the ridiculous smiles and simpers and winks she’d done as a child on the stage for the pageant judges, and everyone loved it. She had them all doubled over with hilarity.
Except for Robert. He was smiling but not laughing, and for some reason it was the last straw.
She almost lost it. Right there in front of everyone. She had to rush through an excuse about needing to use the restroom so she could escape the party.
She stumbled away in her stylish heels and ended up at the rail near the ceremony arbor. No one was around, so she was alone with a jittery head from too much champagne and a hole in her heart that didn’t make any sense.
Despite her best intentions of being mature and patient, it felt like she was broken.
Emotion pulsed through her, lodging in her throat until she could barely breathe. She held on to the rail and bent over, taking a few ragged breaths, her face contorted with her attempt to hold herself together.
Of course it was unreasonable to expect Robert to change so quickly. Of course she was being silly and needy to require a full commitment so early in a relationship.
But she was all in, and she couldn’t do this unless he was all in too.
She was such an idiot. She’d broken her own heart after all.
ROBERT HAD BEEN HAVING a good day.
An incredible day.
Probably the best day he’d ever had in his life.
He wasn’t by nature an optimistic person, so he’d never have expected for things with Amanda to go exactly as he’d been dreaming. He’d been serious about being friends with her. Being what she needed and not selfishly demanding more if she didn’t want that.
But it really seemed like she did want that. She’d let him hold her in his arms as she went to sleep, and then this morning they’d shared something more deep and intimate and passionate than he’d ever believed he could experience.
It had been as real as anything had ever been in his life, and he’d been so happy and hopeful after she left, dreaming for the first time about how his life might look from here on out.
How loving her could transform it.
But they hadn’t actually talked about it, and he wasn’t about to scare her away by moving too fast. So he figured it was smarter to follow her lead about how they should act out in public.
He had a good time at the wedding, and he was so full of hope and affection and something akin to pride as he watched her socialize at the reception. Everyone loved her. Saw how brilliant and funny and generous she was. When she did her pageant moves, he was too filled with emotion to even laugh.
He’d never been an emotional person, so it was a lot for him to process.
But then something cracked inside her. He saw it happen, although she hid it well enough that no one else appeared to notice. She said something about going to the bathroom, and she made her escape. He saw her stumble slightly, as if she were in a hurry to get away.
So he followed her. What else would he do? He watched as she looked around, clearly searching for a place to go, and then she ended up near where they’d had the ceremony.
She clung to the rail. Gasped through a few choked sobs. And buckled over the way he’d seen her do at her sister’s wedding when her heart had been broken.
It felt like Robert’s own heart broke as he watched.
Because this might have been the best day of his life—the happiest he’d ever been—but she wasn’t happy too. She clearly didn’t want him the way he wanted her.
Maybe she was still yearning for a man she couldn’t have.
It hurt so much his eyes glazed over and he couldn’t move for a full minute. This was always what he’d been protecting himself from. This reality of absolute loss.
When he could finally take a breath and move his hands and feet, he started to turn around and leave. It was always his instinct. Run away from anything that might hurt him.
But Amanda was hurting too right now, and he loved her too much to let it go unanswered. He had to go comfort her even if it broke him even more. So instead of leaving, he walked up behind her and asked quietly, “What can I do?”
She turned toward him with a jerk, and then her face twisted with sobs she was trying to control. She shook her head for a minute until she was able to say, “Nothing. There’s nothing you can do. It’s... me. It’s all my fault.”
Robert winced. Literally winced at words that felt like a blade in his heart. But he fought through it enough to murmur, “It doesn’t matter whose fault it is. Tell me what you need me to do, and I’ll do it.”
That was apparently the final thread of her control. Her whole body shook with sobs.
He reached out to pull her against him, wrapping his arms around her. He held her as tightly as he could, wondering if this was the last time.
She clung to him desperately, as if she needed him too.
Surely he hadn’t been so wrong. So foolish. He was usually good at reading people, and he knew Amanda better than anyone. How had he not seen this coming? He’d been so happy just a few minutes ago.
She couldn’t seem to stop crying, so he didn’t let her go.
Finally he couldn’t stand the pain she was in, so he said thickly, “Amanda, please tell me what I can do to make it better. I love you, sunshine, so I’ll do whatever it takes. If you need me to back off, I will. If you need to take it slower, we can do that. If you need me to—”
He was on a roll, babbling all kinds of things he’d never intended to say. But she yanked herself out of his arms midsentence and gasped, “What?”