“We can’t go public for the same reasons.”
He sighs. “I know you’re right, but this is beginning to feel like a dirty secret, and I’m not loving that much.”
“Nor me, but this is the way it has to be. It won’t be forever.” I need time to work up the courage to tell Easton and to go public, and I have no clue how long that will take me, but I’m hoping this more patient version of Dillon will last and he won’t pressure me into doing something before I’m ready.
“I’ll try not to be my usual needy, greedy self. To remember that having you back in my life, even if it’s not quite the way I’d hoped, is enough.”
I run my fingers through his hair, holding his head. “I love you, and you love me. That won’t change, and that’s what matters the most. The rest is stuff we can work through in time.”
He rests his forehead against mine. “I have waited years to hear those words again. I love you, Vivien Grace Lancaster. I love you so much, and I would wait until the end of time for you.”
My heart beats with a zest that is new, all because of this man. I am truly lucky to have found such amazing love in my life. Not once, but twice. And to be given a second chance with Dillon, after everything we have been through, is more than I dared to hope for. “Just be patient with me, Dil. Like you were the last time.”
“You set the pace, Viv. You call the shots.”
“Look at me.”
He lifts his head, peering into my eyes as my fingers weave in and out of his hair. “I still love your hair.” My hands move lower, touching his eyes, his nose, and his lips, brushing against his cheeks, and rubbing the bristles on his chiseled jawline. “I love every part of you but especially your heart.” I place one hand over his bare chest, and his heart drums steadily against my palm. “Thank you for being here for me. Thank you for caring for me and Easton.”
“There is nowhere else I would rather be.”
I lean in, keeping my eyes on his as I brush my lips against his mouth. “Kiss me, Dillon. Kiss me like you’ll die if you can’t taste my lips.” We both smile, remembering another first kiss that started with those words, and a serene sense of calm settles over me. All the tiny hairs on the back of my neck lift, and a very subtle breeze sweeps fleetingly across my face. It might freak others out, but I think Reeve is here, and it comforts me. I think that is his way of telling me it is okay.
Dillon’s mouth descends, and I sink into his arms and the feel of his warm lips moving against mine. He angles his head to deepen the kiss, and I open my mouth, letting him push his tongue in. I sigh into his mouth, our minty breaths comingling, as he strokes my tongue in long leisurely strokes. Winding my arms around his neck, I climb onto his lap, pressing my chest against his.
His hands rest respectfully on my lower back, and he makes no move to push this to the next level, content to kiss me while holding me tight.
I get lost in him.
Drowning in the taste of his kisses that are both familiar and excitingly new.
Flames lick at my skin as he ignites a burning desire that covers me from head to toe. Every part of my body feels the effects of his kiss. There is no part that is immune, and I never want to stop feeling like this.
Dillon always lit a fire inside me, and now he’s nurturing the flames, coaxing them to jump higher, enabling them to burn bright so they never die out.
So we never die out.
I feel that truth deep in my bones, and as I cling to him, I know there will be challenging times ahead, but I believe we can overcome anything together. We will emerge from the flames a single entity, ready to burn anyone who dares step in our way.
My heart beats to a new rhythm, and my soul dances to a new hope, as we kiss and kiss like we can’t get enough of one another.
I don’t know how I ever thought I could deny this man.
How I could ever live without him.
Because he is embedded in my heart and imprinted on my soul, and from this day forward, I know he is the only man I will ever want by my side.
37
Vivien
September turns into October, and we settle into a new routine. I drop Easton at school each morning, and Dillon collects him every day. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, he drops East at his Krav Maga class, staying to watch because he gets a kick out of it. Other afternoons, they go out for ice cream or burgers or go hang out at his house, and we’ve even managed a few family outings without being spotted. We’ve gone bowling, to the movies, and on several hikes so Easton finally got to wear his new hiking boots.
I’ve been writing a lot, documenting my story in a more cohesive fashion, drawing from all my journals. I suppose it’s a book, but it won’t ever see the light of day. I’m doing this for me and for Easton so that, one day, when he’s old enough, he might read it and understand how I came to love both his daddies.
I’m also sewing again, and Ash has given me a list of requirements of things she’d like to take on tour with her next year. Mom loved the gown I made her for her next premiere. They left a couple of weeks ago to go on location, in Canada, but not before they both pulled me aside to tell me they approve of Dillon and me being together. I was so nervous telling them, and hugely relieved when they didn’t judge. Not that I ever thought they would. I know they worry about me, and they’ve been watching Dillon like a hawk to ensure he doesn’t step out of line.
We eat dinner together every night, as a family, and slowly Dillon is finding little ways of injecting narrative into our conversations that hints at our friendship and how Reeve would be happy we are such good friends again.
He’s easing Easton into the idea of us as a couple with small gestures like placing his hand on my lower back as we walk in the garden, tucking my hair behind my ears, or brushing his fingers against my cheek, and our son hasn’t balked when he’s occasionally wrapped his arm around my waist.
But I won’t let him take it further than that, and we haven’t progressed beyond kissing and heavy groping. On nights when Dillon stays over, I usually crawl into his bed, ensuring I set my alarm so I can sneak back to my room before Easton wakes up.
Dillon hasn’t pressured me at all, seemingly happy with the pace, and it helps. Gradually, my grief is becoming less of a tangible thing. I still miss Reeve, and I still think of him every day, but it is getting easier. I’m laughing more, having fewer bad dreams, and waking up more regularly with a smile on my face.
Which is progress indeed.
“Mommy, you look awesome!” East says as I step into the transformed room in Dillon’s house as Wonder Woman. The noise levels are through the roof, and my ears protest loudly.
The lady Dillon hired to create a Halloween-themed room did an awesome job. Fake cobwebs hang from the ceiling, and there are a few token spiders residing in larger webs, in an ode to Easton’s obsession with all creepy-crawlies. The ceiling has been covered in an eerie nighttime sky, and sheets of red chiffon cover all the lights, bathing the room in a reddish glow. Entertainers dressed as skeletons and ghosts roam the room, while a man dressed as a magician performs tricks from a temporary stage mounted at the very back of the space.
Round tables and small chairs occupy the center of the room, and the kids from Easton’s class are due to congregate there in a while for burgers and fries. After, we’re doing a trunk-or-treat out in the driveway so the kids get the trick or treat experience without any danger. Staff from the catering company Dillon hired are presently filling our trunks, and the trunks of the class parents who are here, with tons of candy and chocolate treats. Easton is going to be beside himself with excitement when he discovers it.