Dillon brushes my tears away with his thumb. “You mentioned that before. The night in the nursery.”
I nod, remembering. “We broke up on Christmas Day, and I know it played on his mind every year.” A sob rips from my throat as I think back to that horrible Christmas. No wonder Reeve got upset. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, hating to do this to him.
“Don’t be sorry, Viv. I always want to hear what you’re feeling and thinking.” He tightens his arms around me.
I lean back, angling my head to press a soft kiss to his lips. “You love me so well, Dillon, and I feel like you get nothing in return.” He must be so sick of my mood swings and my tears. I know I am.
“Are you kidding me? You give me everything just by breathing, Viv.” He kisses the tip of my nose. “You made today so special for me. The photo album of Easton with all of your memories and written notes will help me to feel close to both of you on the tour. I can’t wait to hang the framed family photo of us over my mantelpiece, and don’t get me started on that Bob Dylan Martin D-28. I can’t believe you got that for me.”
It cost me a small fortune at the charity auction, but it was worth it to see the look of shock and sheer awe on Dillon’s face when he realized who it used to belong to.
“But best of all is the gift of my son and this second chance with you.”
I spin around in his arms, drying my tears. “I feel so lucky to have you in my life. Thank you for loving me, Dillon.”
“Thank you for letting me.”
We return to the others, hand in hand, and like always, Dillon has managed to clear the cobwebs from my head and add a smile to my face.
Mention of the tour has my mind churning with ideas. I meant what I said back there. Dillon has given so much of himself, going out of his way to prove his love for me and Easton, and I feel I need to make some grand gesture to let him know how much I appreciate and love him. The perfect idea pops into my head, and a bubble of excitement bursts in my chest. I wish I’d thought of it before, because I’m not sure if I can pull it off on such short notice. I don’t want to get Dillon’s hopes up if I can’t make it happen.
I need to talk to my Irish bestie. If anyone can help me to turn it into reality, it’s Aisling O’Donoghue.
44
VIVIEN
“Sex with you just gets better and better every time,” I pant, later that night when we’re home in bed, after a second round of fucking. “I’m going to go crazy when you have to leave.” I turn on my side, facing him.
He pushes damp strands of hair off my brow. “Why do you think I bought all those sex toys?”
“I’m insisting on nightly video sex.”
He cups my cheek. “I’d like to promise I can do that, but things will be fairly hectic on the road, and it might not always be possible.”
Unspoken words linger in the space between us as tension bleeds into the air. We have both known this day was coming, but I had purposely put it out of my mind because I was dealing with so much other stuff. But now it’s looming, it’s all I can think of.
Ash is excited about my plan, and while the deadline is tight, she has agreed to help pull out all the stops to try to make it happen. She agrees we should keep it between us so I can hopefully surprise him with the mother of all surprises.
“You could come you know?” He twirls a strand of my hair around his finger.
“I can’t,” I blurt, panicked. “You know how important routine is for Easton. He has school, and I think I’m going to return to work in the new year.”
“We could hire a tutor, and you’re freelance, so you can work anywhere.”
“I must be available to attend weekly team meetings in person, and I really don’t think the rock and roll lifestyle is one Easton should be around.” I avert my eyes because I know I’m a shit liar, and he can probably see right through me.
“I’ll quit the band.”
“What?” I shriek, sitting up and staring at him like he’s just sprouted wings. “You can’t quit the band. Especially not at the last minute like this.”
He sits up, leaning against the headboard. “I don’t want to leave the guys in the lurch, but you and Easton are more important.” He threads his fingers through my hair. “I don’t want to leave you. The thought of being apart from you makes me feel physically ill.”
“You think I want to be separated from you either?”
He shrugs, and that pisses me off. “That was a fucking rhetorical question, Reeve.”
He sucks in a sharp gasp, and pained eyes stare back at me. I don’t understand what I’ve said until… “Oh my God.” I crawl over to him. “I’m so sorry, Dillon. It was just a slip of the tongue. I didn’t mean to upset you.” I hope he’s not remembering the hospital when I was confused and I thought he was Reeve.
“It’s fine,” he clips out, looking down at his lap.
“It’s not fine. I’m really sorry, baby. Please forgive me.” I squeeze his hands, willing him to look at me. I can’t believe I slipped up like that. It’s unforgivable, and I want to cry because I know I’ve just wounded him deeply, but he’s not blameless either. “It wasn’t intentional, Dillon. I was angry because you’re discounting my commitment to you. You’re acting like you’re going to miss me more, but that’s bullshit and totally unfair. I will miss you every bit as much as you’ll miss me.”
“I know. I’m sorry for insinuating you wouldn’t. I just don’t want to go without you. Please come with me, Viv. We’ll find a way to make it work.”
“Dillon, I want to, but I think it’s best if we stay here,” I lie. “Easton will have to get used to you being away for work. He needs to see you go and come back.”
“Right.” He removes his hand, and a muscle clenches in his jaw.
“We can come visit you on holidays and for weekends. I still have Ree—the private jet.”
“Sounds great.” He turns on his side, letting me know it’s anything but great.
I chew on the inside of my mouth, wondering if I should just tell him. However, if I can’t pull it off, he’ll only be disappointed, so I decide to say nothing for now.
The next week is strained, and there’s a distance between us caused by the elephant in the room. Dillon spends every spare minute when he’s not rehearsing with Easton. He still sleeps here, in our bed, by my side, but he might as well be in outer space for all the attention he gives me. He’s hurting, and I hate he is, but it will be worth it in the end to see the joy on his face when he realizes what I’ve done.
Dillon stays at his own house the night before the band is due to leave, and I don’t protest as it gives me time to pack up our stuff without him noticing. Ash came through for me in the end, with some support from Mom, and it’s happening. I’m so excited, and keeping this from Dillon now is virtually impossible, so it’s just as well he hasn’t been here much the last twenty-four hours. I haven’t told Easton either because he’d never have been able to keep it a secret.