“Mommy!” he jumps on my lap. “Daddy says I can play guitar on stage with him!”
I look at Dillon through hooded eyes. That is something we really should have discussed together, but I’ll give him a free pass. “That is awesome.”
“Not every night, buddy,” Dillon says, scooping him up and putting him in the seat across from Ronan. “And we’ll have to practice.”
“Of course.” East looks at him like he’s being ridiculous.
“Swap with me,” Ash says, looking over at Ronan, and he silently gets up, taking her seat. She drops down beside me while Dillon settles into the seat beside Easton. They are whispering with their heads huddled, plotting trouble, most likely.
“Do you ever feel like you live in a real-life soap opera?” she asks, as Leon climbs on board the plane.
“All the freaking time.”
“The luggage is safely on board, Vivien,” my bodyguard informs me.
“Thank you.”
“Make yourself comfortable, Leon,” Ash says, pointing at the spare seats behind Jamie and Conor.
The door shuts as the flight attendant appears, advising us to buckle our seat belts and prepare for takeoff.
Easton chatters nonstop until he falls asleep, lulled by the motion of the plane. Dillon reclines his seat and drapes a blanket over him, before offering me his hand. “Can we talk?” he whispers, jerking his head toward the two empty seats behind us.
“I’ll watch the treasure,” Ash says, lifting her head from her book.
We resituate ourselves in the seats. Leon is across from us, napping, and the others all have their AirPods in.
“I’m sorry for being a jackass this morning,” he says, threading his fingers through mine.
“It’s okay. I’m well acquainted with your assholish gene.”
He grabs my face, kissing me passionately. “In case you weren’t aware, I’m over the fucking moon you’re coming on tour with me.”
“I’m excited.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“I have a favor to ask,” I say, twisting in the seat to face him. “I’ve decided I would like to get up on stage with you, once, and sing.”
His eyes pop wide. “What’s brought this on?”
“You. You’ve encouraged me to overcome my fears. I have always been the truest sense of myself with you. I want to do this. I want to prove to myself that I’m the only one who is in control of my life. I want to be brave and put myself out there knowing how some will perceive it.”
“You should sing ‘She Moved Through the Fair.’ That will bring the most critical of cynics to their knees.”
I very much doubt that. “That’s an odd choice for a rock concert.”
“It’s our show, and if anyone dares to question me, I’ll punch their lights out.”
“Me too,” Ash says from overhead. We both look up. “I’ll square it with the label.”
“Fuck off and mind your own business,” Dillon says, but there’s no heat in his words. “This is a private conversation.”
“There is no such thing as privacy on tour,” she retorts.
“Not for you.” He grins smugly, sliding his arm around my shoulders. “We’ve got our own bus.”
She flips him the bird before sliding back into her seat as Jamie comes over to join her.
“Are you mad I didn’t tell you?” I ask, wanting to clear the air before we step foot on said bus.
“I understand why you didn’t, but it raised old fears to the surface. And I reverted to default mode.”
“You can’t test the people you love, Dillon. What you did earlier was emotional manipulation, just like those early days in Ireland. We can’t go there again. We’re supposed to be older and wiser.”
“You’re right, and I’ve spoken about it in therapy. Maybe I need to do a few more sessions.”
“I think that would be a good idea.” I wet my lips. I’m slightly nervous to say this, but we’ve got to be honest with one another, and this needs to be said. “I still think you’re triggered by Reeve, a little, and we need to discuss that and properly move past it. Would you be open to couples therapy? Meryl mentioned it to me before, and I’m sure she’d be open to some video sessions while we’re on the road.”
“I am willing to do whatever it takes to make this work and to make you happy. Line it up, and I’m there.”
“Thank you.” I peck his lips, resting my head on his shoulder.
He twists my ponytail around his fist. “We fucked up again, huh?”
“We’re going to fuck up occasionally, Dillon. We’re only human, and well, you’re you.” My lips twitch, but I fight the urge to laugh. “And I’m me. We’re going to argue and not see eye to eye on things, and that’s okay as long as we communicate. I was wrong not to tell you. I should’ve realized it would remind you of the past and cause you to doubt us.” He loosens his hold on my hair, and I lift my head, resting my hands on his shoulders. “I just wanted to do something big. You have done so much for me, and I wanted to give something back. I wanted to see the shock and excitement on your face when we showed up.”
“We’ll do better next time we reach a stumbling block.”
“We will because you’re stuck with me, in a confined space, for the next seven months.” In a way, I’m glad this happened. It has reminded us of what’s important and shown us we are not infallible. We have worked hard to get to this point, but that doesn’t mean it will be smooth sailing going forward. All relationships require effort and investment. What matters is that we love each other and we’re committed to making this work, and that is half the battle.
46
Dillon
The past seven months has, hands down, been the best seven months of my life. This tour has been the best touring experience of my career. And it’s all thanks to Vivien and Easton. Living on the bus with them has been amazing, and we’re as close as we can be.
Easton has taken to life on the road like a pro.
Seeing his obvious joy at being a part of my world has meant everything to me. During the day, when we’re sleeping and later rehearsing, he does the tourist thing with Ash and Vivien after his schoolwork is done. They’ve managed to squeeze in tons of activities in the various cities we’ve visited, and we have mountains of photos for new albums when we get home.
Vivien rejoined social media, and she’s amassed quite a loyal following who go crazy for the daily posts and pics she shares. Being on the road has done wonders for her anxiety. She no longer cares what people say about her, and the interest in us has eased off from the intrusive levels of the early days.
She conquered her fears and sang on stage with me in Ohio. It was just me on guitar and her singing to a packed stadium. There wasn’t a peep from the audience as she delivered the haunting lyrics with so much emotion I know it came straight from her soul. They were as hypnotized as me, and at the end, they gave her a standing ovation.
I was so fucking proud of her.