She nipped his finger. “Good to know.”
He gave her the full two-hundred-watt smile. “I’m falling in love with you, Emma.”
The words raced through her veins, shocking her system. “Are you sure?”
He laughed. “Are you going to keep asking me that?”
Her heart was pounding. “Possibly.”
He cupped her face. “One hundred percent.”
She let out a breath. “That’s . . . very sure.”
He nodded and she bit her lip. “Um . . .”
“You’re looking panicked.” He ran his thumb gently over her lower lip, rescuing it from her teeth. “I don’t expect anything in return.”
That couldn’t be true. Nobody put themself out there without expecting something back. She stared at his chest, but she was seeing Ned walk away from her. Cindy walk away from her. Her entire life turn upside down. She was doing the best she could, but she felt like she was walking through a schoolyard without clothes. Did she feel like she was falling for Simon? Yes. Did it scare her? Yes. Could she admit either of those things out loud? She could not . . .
“Emma.”
“Yeah?”
“Look at me?”
She hesitated, knowing this was it. If she didn’t step up, he’d walk away too.
With a finger beneath her chin, he tipped her face to his so that her eyes met his warm but curious ones. “Breathe.”
“If this is you putting on your Hard-Ass PT hat, then let me tell you where you can shove—”
“You’re holding your body so tight you’re trembling. I just don’t want you to cramp.”
Oh. Right. Emma let out a shaky breath. And then another.
“Better,” Simon murmured, his hands on her thighs, lightly stroking up and down. “You’ve been walking a lot, your muscle tone is good.”
She stared into his eyes and knew she had to tell him the truth. “Yes to the walking, but not as much as you might think.”
“I thought you were adding distance every day for the 5K.”
She started to nod, then shook her head in the negative. “I’m up to three-quarters of a mile, and that’s because I’m spying on Jack Swanson, who lives pretty close to Paw Pals. Or at least I’m trying to spy on him.”
He didn’t say anything for a moment. “Why?”
“I need to know if he’s okay.”
“Emma—”
She slid off his lap. “You should know, I canceled my registration for the 5K.”
“You . . . canceled?”
“Yes.”
Simon sat up a little. “I thought you were excited about getting that part of your life back.”
She stood up and turned to watch the water.
“Emma. You promised you were okay.”
“I am. More than. I’ve decided I like this new life of mine, just the way it is.”
She heard him stand up, and then he was at her side. “As recently as a week ago you wanted to do this, what changed?”
“Maybe I’ve just peaked.”
“No, you quit. And I took advantage of you,” he said quietly, sounding unhappy.
Well, that made both of them unhappy. No, wait. She wasn’t unhappy. She was mad. “I have my own brain, you know, and I use it. I can change my goals when and however I want to.” Emma shook her head, realizing her anger was getting the best of her. “My life’s just different now. And I’m okay with that. I was hoping you would be too.”
Simon looked at her, his eyes intense and focused. “I don’t want you to settle for less than what you had.”
“Maybe settling isn’t a bad idea.”
He drew a deep breath, looking unhappy. “Settling wasn’t an option before. That you feel it now is why I shouldn’t have allowed us to happen. I knew better.”
“You’re not listening to me,” she said, heart thundering.
“I always listen. I just don’t always agree.” Simon’s voice was flat, impassive. His annoyed Hard-Ass PT voice. Well, good. No use being in a full-blown temper all by herself. After all she’d gone through and done to get better, after finding new hopes and dreams that worked for her in the here and now, who was he to tell her what she should want? Emma said defiantly, “This is my life, not yours.”
“I’m well aware,” he said evenly, which only made her more mad. “You’ve made your stance on relationships clear from the beginning. But this isn’t about me, or even about us. You’re still not willing to be all in with your new life.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He shook his head. “When are you going to stop punishing yourself for surviving?”
Embarrassed that he’d called it exactly how it was, she tossed up her hands. “Look, waking up from a coma . . . sometimes people feel different. Maybe I don’t care about the same stuff that I used to. Maybe I don’t care about anything!”
Simon looked at her for a long moment. “Since when did you stop telling either of us the truth?”
Oh hell no. Emma turned to go, but he caught her hand. “At least let me help you run off this time.” And he opened the roof door for her.
Her heart begged her brain to give it a moment, to think it through. Actually, her brain wanted that too. But nope, her feet couldn’t be stopped. She walked away, and he let her go.
Chapter 23
Step 23: Forgive.
The next evening, Alison stopped at Paw Pals after getting away from Armstrong Properties. To be honest, she wasn’t sure why. Guess she needed a little bit of mac-and-cheese-level comfort without the calories.
Emma had just shut down the computer for the close of shift and looked surprised to see her. “Hey, didn’t expect you. You were here early this morning working. What’s up?”
“Nothing.” Everything. She was about to go to Ryan’s barbecue and had nerves the size of Texas bouncing around in her gut. She stood there in the center of their reception area, surrounded by the warm, welcoming space, and took a deep breath.
It’s going to be okay . . .
But was it? She’d been studying up and sort of practicing for weeks now. She was working on being more open, but was it enough?
Something warm brushed against her thighs. She looked down and found Hog leaning against her, staring up at her with those sweet milk chocolate eyes, worry etched in every line of his massive face.
Alison smiled at him and started to look up again to Emma, but Hog nudged the top of his head into her palm. Pet me.
Accepting the gentle demand, she patted him on his head. But he just nudged her again, and this time when she looked at him, he seemed terribly sad. If this had been Killer, she’d have picked the sweet thing up in an instant. But Hog was too big for that. So without thinking, she dropped to her knees and wrapped her arms around him, and when he set his heavy head on her shoulder with a soft sigh, she completely melted. “You were right, Hog’s one of the best doggos out there.”
Emma was walking through the place, woodenly turning off lights.
“What’s wrong?” Alison asked.
“Nothing.”
“Yes, there is. I just said you were right and you didn’t even react.”