Ryan’s friend was carrying a case of beer and looking at her with an odd expression on his face.
Oh, God. It was pity. He’d heard her pep talk.
“Alison,” he said.
She swallowed hard. “Bill.”
He stood there, shifting on his feet, while she struggled for something to say. And then realized there was only one thing she could say. “I’m sorry about the last time I saw you, at the game. I’m sorry about your boat. And the divorce.”
“Did you mean it?”
“Yes. I really am sorry that you had to go through all that—”
“I meant about what you were just saying to yourself in the car. Did you mean it?”
A bead of sweat trickled between her breasts. “Every word.”
He nodded. “You’ll do then.” And with that, he began walking to the house. After a few steps, he turned back for her. “Coming?”
“My feet haven’t decided yet.”
He let out a small chuckle. “Would it help to know that your presence will make his whole night?”
“You sure about that?”
“Very. Come on.”
“I’ll be right behind you.”
He nodded and hesitated. “So, uh, that little pep talk thing. Does it work? Cuz I’m working on winning my ex back and I’m a little low on self-esteem at the moment.”
She wasn’t sure why her chest felt all tight and fluttery, but she knew one thing. This man was important to Ryan and that meant he was important to her. “Yes. It helps.” She found a smile. “It got me out of the car, anyway.”
He nodded. “Thanks.”
When he was gone, Alison grabbed the seven-layer dip she’d made. Ryan’s favorite. He used to tease her that he’d do anything for it. It’d been a running joke between them, her making him prove it with return favors. One memorable night skinny-dipping beneath a no-moon sky came to mind . . .
She walked a block and a half toward Ryan’s house, but at the last minute, chickened out and cut into the alley, where she came out at the fence leading to his backyard.
The fence was lined with ivy and a fragrant flower that she had no idea the name of, but she sucked in a full lungful of it. And then gave herself the pep talk all over again, adding in a bonus promise—if she made it out alive without screwing anything up, maybe she’d get to sleep with Ryan tonight.
And there was nothing, not seven-layer dip, not romantic evenings on the beach, not a new pair of shoes . . . nothing better than sleeping with Ryan.
Juggling the casserole dish, she reached out to open the gate when from the other side of the fence she heard a voice she recognized.
Ryan’s mom.
“You’re waiting for her,” the woman said.
“She said she’d come,” Ryan said, sounding so sure of Alison that her belly quivered in the very best of ways.
His mom sighed. “Honey, why are you letting her back into your life? You’re too old to be wasting time on relationships that aren’t going anywhere.”
“Mom,” he said with a low laugh, “since when is thirty-two old?”
“She isn’t the one, Ry,” chimed in Nicole, Ryan’s overbearing, nosy, incredibly perfect sister.
Alison’s face burned with humiliation and embarrassment. She wasn’t the one. She was wasting his time . . .
“Listen,” Ryan said kindly but firmly. “I love you guys. But me and Alison together, or me and Alison not together, is none of your business.”
“It is my business when someone’s standing between my son and his happiness,” his mom said. “Honey, we’re not trying to pick a fight, we’re just looking out for you. You deserve better. You yourself said you couldn’t see having a family with her.”
Actually shaking, and feeling like an arrow had just slammed through her heart, Alison pressed a hand to the spot that ached like a bitch.
“You said your friends don’t like her,” Nicole said. “And that she doesn’t try to fit into your life. She’s . . . distant.”
“Not with me,” Ryan said. “Never with me.”
“But shouldn’t the people you care about mean something to her too?”
Alison was frozen, rooted to the ground because they were right. She’d been nuts to think that a few weeks of studying up on how to make friends and bringing a seven-layer dip would be enough. It was nowhere close. But also . . . she was suddenly realizing this wasn’t 100% her fault. Ryan had a hand in this too, they both did. But she had to at least address her part.
Snapping her backbone ramrod straight, she stepped into the yard. Visible now, she stopped and soaked up the sight of Ryan, tall and handsome, a surprised smile curving his mouth, his eyes lighting up at the sight of her, like his whole world had just gotten better.
Which made this so so so much harder. But eating crow when she was wrong was one thing. Turning the other cheek when she’d just realized that she wasn’t all to blame for their failing was another. So Alison drew a deep breath and looked past Ryan to his mom and sister, both looking a little uncomfortable.
Good. They were finally even. “You’re right,” she said. “About me. At least the old me, the introvert who’d rather sit home with a book than ever go to a party. My mistake was in not seeing that Ryan isn’t like me. He’s the opposite, in fact. And I need to learn to meet him at least halfway. That’s why I’m here tonight. But now I know that no matter what I do, it won’t be enough for you.”
And with that, she turned and walked away. Still holding her seven-layer dip. She was going to go home and eat all of it. Every single bite.
She got just outside the gate when a gentle but firm hand settled on her arm and turned her.
Ryan. He was holding Killer.
“I’m sorry,” he said very quietly, very seriously. “I would never have wanted you to overhear that.”
“Don’t.” She stepped back from him. “Please don’t.”
“Ali—”
“Look, I know you can’t control what your family says or thinks. That’s not what got me. What did were the things they said, the things that had to have come from your mouth; the not being able to see having a family with me, that your friends think I’m cold and distant.”
Ryan closed his eyes briefly. “I know, and those things shouldn’t have ever been voiced.”
“Of course you should have voiced them, they were your feelings. But I did try. I was with you, in the only way I know how to be—and you broke up with me instead of helping me fix what was wrong. And yeah, I’ve got issues, but you do too. You don’t just end things because there are issues. Not if you really love someone.” She felt her eyes burn. “You gave up on me,” she whispered. “Threw me away.”
“You’re right,” he said quietly, staring into her eyes, his own filled with regret. “After that week we spent together and we clicked into place like we were meant to be, I didn’t think about how things might change in the real world. I took your hand and jumped with you into the deep end with my life and expected you to be able to swim in the shark-infested waters.”
She choked on a laugh.
He didn’t smile. “It was wrong of me. You’re not me. You’re more thoughtful, more internal, a beautiful soul that deserved better. I never wanted you to think you weren’t enough just as you are. I’d never ask you to change for me.”