“But I would have tried,” she said quietly. “In a heartbeat. Not just for you. But because it was the right thing to do. I was immature. Insecure. And far too needy to even consider how much you were hurting too. I’m sorrier for that than I can ever say.”
“And I’m sorry I wasn’t more open with you.” Ryan moved in closer. “You were going through your own things, and I wasn’t there for you. This is on me, Alison. And I can only hope you’ll give me the chance to fix it. I want to be the right guy for you.”
She’d never been the right girl, not once in her life. “I need you to be really sure,” she whispered. “Because I don’t ever want to go through losing you again.”
He tipped up her face to give her a soft, warm kiss filled with promise that was no less intimate for being sweet. “I’ve never been more sure.”
Alison’s chest filled with warmth. It spread outward to all her hard spots and she fisted her hand in his shirt. “How can we make sure it’ll work this time?”
“We start over. From the beginning.” Shifting Killer to tuck her under an arm, he held out his free hand to Alison. “Hi, I’m Ryan Dennison. I’m an engineer. I’ve got a close but annoyingly nosy posse.” This caused a ripple of whispers behind them, which they both firmly ignored. “I love all sports, all food—”
“Except for tomatoes,” she whispered. “You hate tomatoes.”
“I really do.” Ryan smiled and tugged Alison a little closer. “I make a good show of being easygoing and laid-back and open, but the truth is, I’ve recently had my heart broken, so I can actually be quite guarded and hold my emotions inside. I’m working on that, by the way. Also working on showing, not telling, people how I feel.” He paused. “I hurt someone, someone very important to me, and I’m going to learn from my mistakes so that never happens again.”
Throat tight, she squeezed his hand. “I’m Alison Pratt. I’m a numbers girl. Things have to add up for me, which means I can miss the nuances and the little things. I’m obsessively organized and anal, and sometimes when I get defensive or someone hurts my feelings, I say stupid stuff and then retreat. I’m working on that. I’ve not let many into my life, and I’m working on that too.”
Alison caught sight of Bill on the other side of the yard, giving her a thumbs-up and an encouraging smile, which helped. “I’m never going to be perfect,” she said, “but I’m loyal and honest and will step in front of a train for those I care about. Oh, and I can do ten cartwheels in a row before falling over.”
Ryan laughed. “Impressive.” He brought her hand to his chest and pressed it over his heart. “I’m not perfect either, Alison. I’ve let you down. I promise to do better at letting you know what’s on my mind and protecting you from my well-meaning but overbearing family.”
This brought more whispers from the sidelines.
Alison didn’t care. Her heart felt so full it hurt. “I’ll get better at trying to fit in with your family and friends, who obviously love and adore you, which is an amazing thing to have. I’m new to that, I’ve never had more family in my life than my cousin and uncle, and they’re both guys, so . . .” She shrugged a little self-consciously, extremely aware that the whispers had abruptly stopped.
Ryan touched Alison’s jaw, then let his fingers slide into her hair. “Alison,” he said, voice low and hoarse with regret. “I love you—”
She kissed him, just as he’d kissed her a moment before, soft and sweet, full of her own promises. She lifted her head and glanced over at his mom and sister. “Should I repeat any of that or did you catch it all?”
Both his mom and sister grimaced, but Alison smiled. “I’m actually asking sincerely.”
“Can you really do ten cartwheels in a row?” his sister asked.
“Do you really love him?” his mom asked.
“Yes and yes—more than you’ll ever know,” she said.
Ryan smiled, his gaze holding hers as he spoke. “Mom, Nicole, everyone . . . meet Alison. She’s going to be a big part of my life, the best part, and I hope you can get on board with that.”
There was no hesitation from his mom or sister; they both nodded yes like two bobbleheads.
“Maybe we can even be friends,” Nicole said.
Touched, Alison swallowed hard. “I’d like that. But fair warning, I’m really new at this. I mean, I’ve been practicing, but apparently I’m the type of person who has to make a lot of mistakes before figuring her shit out.”
“Some of the best people I know make mistakes,” his mom said softly, smiling at her son. “And I’ve certainly also made my share. One of them with you, Alison. I’m glad you’re here. I hope you’ll stay.”
Alison took in the backyard and the house, with all the windows and doors open, letting in the warm summer air while letting out a lot of yummy food scents and love and laughter. “I’d love to.”
Ryan’s smile was slow, affectionate, and sexy. “What can I get you to drink? We have a bar set up on the patio. I could make your fave—a martini?”
When she nodded, he led her over there. “How about a dirty martini?”
“What makes a martini dirty?” she asked.
He gave her another smile and leaned in, putting his mouth to her ear. “Anything you and I do later, after your second or third one.”
Chapter 24
Step 24: No judgment.
The next morning, Emma was sitting in the middle of the salty yard. Given her mood, it was right where she belonged.
Phyllis, of all people, was sitting in the sweet yard, petting Hog.
Oh the irony.
Marco had needed a break to take a phone call, and Emma was holding Luna and Rex, the two sassy Chihuahuas, while reminiscing to herself about her recent failures. Her most recent being Simon, of course.
Actually, no. She refused to think of that as her failure alone. He’d hurt her with his single-minded expectations for her recovery and life. She understood where he was coming from given his role in her recovery, but it was her life, and if he couldn’t close off the physical therapist part of him to see the human side of her and her needs, then screw it.
But damn. She missed him. She missed his smile. Missed his laugh. Missed him in her bed—so much—but she missed him even more as a friend, the closest she had. The loss felt . . .
Catastrophic.
At this point, the intense anger had worn off, leaving her feeling a little bruised. And with some hindsight, Emma understood that Simon had only wanted the best for her, didn’t want to be the thing holding her back.
As if he could . . .
“Arf!” This was Rex.
“Arf, arf!” his sister, Luna, answered. They were fourteen years old and hugely resented any dog bigger than they were. Which was every dog, including Hog, who was currently standing on the other side of the picket fencing, torn between his loyalty to Emma and his self-preservation and utter fear of all things Chihuahua.
Emma lifted Rex and Luna up to nose level and stared them down. “Can you guys please tell Hog you won’t beat him up if he comes in? He really wants to come in.”