The sound of Harland and Hollis playing together echoes down the hallway, and when I reach the doorway, I can't help but stop and watch them for a couple minutes. Hollis is dressed up in one of his superhero capes with the foam sword Mila got him. Harland lays on the ground in front of him with his hands up in surrender.
“You're done, bad guy,” Hollis growls adorably in his little voice.
He hits Harland with the foam sword, and Harland doesn't miss a beat. He pretends like it actually injured him, but when Hollis leaps onto his stomach, the groan that comes from Harland sounds a little more real. Still, he grabs his waist and flips them over carefully before tickling him. Hollis squirms around in a fit of giggles.
“Hawlan, stop it.”
“What was that?” Harland laughs. “You want more? Okay, buddy. You asked for it!”
As he tickles him even more, Hollis's laughter gets louder. It isn't until Harland stops that they both calm down. Hollis lies on the floor, catching his breath, and I notice him yawn.
“H,” I call his name, but realize my mistake the second they both answer me.
“What?” they say in unison.
Covering up the similarity with a smile, I look at Hollis. “It's time for bed, babe.”
He immediately starts to pout. “Do I have to?”
“Yeah. It's been a long day, and it's already an hour past your bedtime.”
“Okay,” he sighs and gets up, but instead of coming toward me, he stops and looks at Harland. “Will you come back and play with me tomorrow?”
My heart nearly explodes when I see how much they've managed to bond in just a few hours. Harland glances over at me, and I nod once.
“Sure, buddy. I can do that.”
Hollis grins broadly and runs into Harland's arms, catching us both off guard. “Goodnight, Hawlan.”
Harland wraps his arms around him and closes his eyes as he embraces his son. “Goodnight, little man.”
When they let go, Hollis runs over to me. I pick him up in my arms, but before I head toward Hollis's room, I focus on Harland.
“Wait here,” I tell him. “I'll be right out.”
He nods, and I leave to tuck our son into bed.
After three bedtime stories and a promise that we can have ice cream for breakfast, I'm finally leaving his room and closing the door behind me. Overtired children are more difficult than third-world dictators, I swear.
“Sorry that took so long,” I say as I walk into the living room, but the sight in front of me stops me in my tracks.
The mess that looked like a volcano of toys erupted in my living room is gone, and everything is neatly put away. There is a stack of toys organized in the corner, and all the cards in a pile on the coffee table. The one thing that's missing, though, is Harland.
The sound of glasses clinking pulls my attention to the kitchen, and I won't admit to how much relief floods through me when I see he's still here. He pours wine into each glass and then puts the bottle back in the fridge.
“You cleaned,” I breathe.
He shrugs and grabs both glasses, handing one to me as he comes close. “I figure you've cleaned up after him for the last four years. It was the least I could do.”
“Um, thanks.” His words are the last thing I expected, especially after how he acted at Hollis's party. “I guess that was my choice, though.”
He walks over to the couch and sits down, patting the seat next to him like this is his place and I'm the guest. Then again, Harland has always had so much more confidence than me. That's probably why he makes such a great rockstar.
I take a sip of my wine for a little liquid courage and then sit down next to him. He turns his whole body so he's facing me and places a hand on my knee. It takes everything in me to ignore the feelings that flood through me from the gesture.
“That's what I wanted to talk to you about,” he says. “The things I said earlier today were uncalled for. I'll admit, I was angry, but I shouldn't have taken that out on you.”
“You shouldn't have?”
He shakes his head. “No, because think about it—as much as I would have loved to be there while he was doing all those firsts, and trust me, I would have given up everything for it, I also know that what I have been doing the last four years has been incredible. You sacrificed everything for our son, and I think also for me. Christ, Em. You've done an amazing job with him.”
I look down at my lap, watching the wine swirl in the glass. “I still should have told you.”
“You should have,” he confirms. “I agree. But what is being mad about that really going to get me? As long as I'm in his life now, I'm willing to let it go. Leave it in the past and all that.”
Surprise etches across my face as my eyes meet his. “You are?”
Nodding slowly, he smiles. “I am. He's my number one priority. And if that means forgiving you, then so be it. I want to be there, Emery. I want to be his dad.”
Tears spring to my eyes, because despite the fact that I kept it to myself, there's still that small part of me that has always yearned to hear those words come from his lips. “I want that, too.”
He smiles wider, with that one dimple he has on his left side popping. “Good.” Removing his hand from my knee, he gives me the ability to think a little clearer. “So, tell me about him. Start from the beginning. I want to know everything about Little H.”
Little H. I like the sound of that.
Chapter Six
Harland
The hot water pours down on me, covering my skin in the kind of relief I need. My muscles ache from all the nights I’ve spent sleeping on Emery’s couch. It’s been a month since we agreed to leave the past behind us and start fresh, and while no one but Emery, Mila, and me know the truth, I’ve loved every second of it. Spending almost every day with my son has been the brightest light in what was a really dark tunnel.
We’ve been trying to figure out how to break the news to everyone—especially Hollis and Ashlyn. Thankfully, my sister has been distracted with the new guy she’s seeing and hasn’t been spending every waking moment at Emery’s like she usually does. But with every day I spend with Hollis, the more I love him and the more desperate I am to claim him fully.
He is by far the best little kid I’ve ever met. And sure, I might be biased, but what dad wouldn’t feel that way about their son? He’s always so happy. He’s friendly and polite to everyone. And genuinely, I’ve never seen a kid who shares as much as he does. We took him to the playground the other day, and he gave one of his favorite action figures to a little boy who cried when he saw it, because that was his favorite one and he lost his.
Needless to say, I went out and bought him another one before the sun went down.
A part of me wonders what his reaction will be when he finds out I’m his dad. Will he be angry? Glad? Curious? There are just so many ways it could go, and the possibility that it could go wrong weighs heavily on me every day.
We’re going to need to tell him soon, because the longer we go without it, the worse it could be, but first, we need to tell Ashlyn. The last thing Emery needs is for her best friend to find out the truth through Hollis.