“And you had every right to push. It’s because you love me. But I really want to do this. Touring with Cannon would give me the experience I lack in a safe, secure way. You trust him. It’s the perfect situation for me.”
Dad exchanged a long look with my mom, and on her nod reached over and placed a hand on my shoulder. “As parents, we won’t pretend this doesn’t scare us to death. As musicians, we give you our blessing.”
My mouth gaped. “That’s it? You’re saying okay?” Even though I didn’t need their permission, I wanted it.
“We’re saying okay,” Mom repeated with a sad smile. I hated that I’d put it there, and at the same time I loved she cared so much. With a solid nod, and a shaky breath, my mom took my hand. “We would never stop you from your dreams, Shane. You came to us in that very way. Your mother had a vision for your future, and if she hadn’t been as brave as she was you wouldn’t have become such a blessing in our lives.” I swallowed past the emotional lump in my throat, where my mother lost the struggle when tears started to form in her amber eyes. “We are so proud of you and support you if this is what you want to do.”
That was Leila Lair, always putting her family before anything else. I felt like an idiot for thinking this would’ve been a fight between us.
“I had at least twenty or so minutes of arguments prepared.” Lori lifted her wine. “Here’s to you two behaving yourselves.”
“Don’t get so cocky,” Dad grumbled. “Something happens to my son, I’ll kill you.”
“Nothing will happen to your son. Besides, your wife wouldn’t let you harm a hair on my head.”
“Neither would I,” Cannon added with a smirk, and I realized right then and there we were a lot alike.
“Aww… I love you, honey.” Lori stuck her tongue out at Dad and lifted her glass. “All kidding aside, here’s to Shane’s new adventure.”
While we all toasted, my gut continued to churn no differently than it had while waiting to break this news.
Of course my parents would support me, and now that they had, I should’ve been out of my fucking mind excited. Yet the nerves that plagued me all day weirdly remained in the pit of my stomach. And I knew exactly what the cause of it was. I knew why excitement hadn’t pushed its way into my mind or my heart yet.
Alivia.
Chapter Sixteen
Alivia
The night Shane had broken the news to his parents, he’d called me to relay every detail of the evening. What he hadn’t known was that the entire time I’d been on my end swiping away tears that wouldn’t stop while muting my phone between forced jovial responses to everything he’d said.
I really needed to get a grip. If he had seen my red, swollen eyes, he would’ve pulled out of the tour before I could’ve said, “Don’t.”
But as I told my father, and then later my mother, he needed something like this to realize what I already had. Besides the obvious that Shane always had to please those he loved, he was also terrified of hurting someone he loved. Combined, this made for a very laid-back, complacent guy who was setting himself up for a lifetime of regrets.
It was done now. I didn’t know if my worries manifested this course or if it was just fate. Either way, I promised myself I wouldn’t bring up that r-word ever again. I also promised him once he got home that I would slip back into our lives together. Whether I could find my own path during wasn’t something I could confidently confirm.
There was no way to know what would happen while he was away or after he came home. Maybe once he got a taste of being a true musician, he’d feel more comfortable making decisions for himself. Decisions that wouldn’t stem from guilt or loss or love. And in that, he’d ultimately force me to address my own issues.
Really, I should be doing that sooner and not later. He had been my entire life until now, and I had no idea who I was apart from Shane Elliot Lair. The thought of being at NYU without him caused such an ache in my heart. And yes, I was aware it was me who believed he shouldn’t be there. That wouldn’t make it any easier to live through.
How hypocritical to force him to take a good hard look at himself while not doing the same. I truly needed to figure out what I wanted for myself. Maybe I would be a supportive wife to him one day, and I’d be blessed to have such a future. My mom was a prime example of what could lie ahead for me—supporting wife of a rock star. But even Mom had a job she loved.
Before Dad had come into our lives, her business had been what kept us going. There’d no longer been a financial reason for her to continue web designing or to keep building her client base. She’d done it because she loved it.
Except for Shane, I had no passion for anything. As much as being by his side as he rocked the world with his musical talents thrilled me, it also scared me. I often struggled with the reality we faced—a gorgeous, young, talented guy like Shane let loose in the wild with crazy people waiting to get their hands on him. I’d seen firsthand how rock stars were forced to navigate fame. Some did it well; others, like my own father, struggled to the point of tragedy and addiction. Personally, the older I got, the more I wasn’t sure I had the qualities needed to be a “supporting wife of a rock star.”
I constantly pushed that out of my mind, because going down that path with my thoughts inevitably brought tears. I had time to worry about all that. What I had to do first and foremost was enjoy my time with him before he left… and to hide how deeply our soon-to-be separation upset me.
On the tour front, Shane needed to get into the studio with Cannon’s band as soon as possible. But due to how quickly all this had been dropped on him, and me, Lori had set his first date to do so next Monday. That gave us a week to be together day and night.
I still hadn’t told Kim, and I know Shane hadn’t told his friends either. Maybe we both felt that formally sharing his news would make it even more real. Besides, Shane had yet to sign anything, so really it wasn’t official. I couldn’t help but feel like a huge stopwatch had been triggered the moment he told me and, with each moment that passed, brought us closer to the dreaded zero hour.
Even though rain was forecast for the next few days, Shane didn’t care. Once again, we set out for his beach house by ourselves… except that Edna and the groundskeeper would be there.
Surprisingly, I got no pushback from my dad. After our talk, he’d been extremely sympathetic toward my situation. He knew the misery I soon faced… as did my mom. Even Leila had called concerned about me the day after she’d found out. She’d admitted this would be good for him and couldn’t be the reason he didn’t follow his dream. That was before she praised my never-ending support and love for her son.
Again, I cheerfully repeated all the encouraging words I’d committed to memory, including how it was only a few months in length.
Maybe I should consider acting as a career.
I was pretty damn good at it. Like when Shane reached for my hand across the beach blanket we sat on while I gave him a stunning smile.
Since arriving, we’d been inside most of the day. The air was hot and muggy, but with a break in the weather Shane and I headed straight for the beach before it poured again. The clouds blanketing the sky and the oppressive heat seemed like a poignant metaphor for what I’d been feeling.