Still, what the hell was he thinking?
Jesus, if that bitch found out, the crap she’d pulled before Jett would be nothing compared to what she could pull after him. At least one thing was for sure: I’d be prepared. In fact, I’d welcome her to try to mess with me.
Yeah, I got that he thought that dumb plan was a solution, but seriously? What the hell? There were so many things wrong with his little scheme, I didn’t know which to be angriest at. Probably that if it ever got out, the entire situation would make me look weak and pathetic.
I walked over to the glass railing, gazing at the view of the park I always loved so much. Usually it would calm me; today it did little to settle my frantically beating heart. Part of me knew it wasn’t all because of this bomb he’d dropped. Combined with him starting a new chapter in his life the next day, and leaving in a few short weeks, it all caused a level of desperation I’d never felt before when it came to us.
I couldn’t get past all the wrongs he’d just unleashed on me. Despite that long list, the one question that waved a blaring red flag was what would have happened if my dad hadn’t confronted him. Shane claimed he would’ve eventually told me. I tried not to harp on why I didn’t believe him. What did that say about me? About us?
Regardless, did I want to spend what little time we had angry and resentful?
No… I didn’t.
As I twisted the silver bangle on my wrist, I couldn’t remember a time I was ever this angry with him. And still my heart ached, remembering his pained look.
“Goddamn him.”
My cell chose that moment to buzz in my pocket. At seeing Kim’s name, I tapped to ignore the call. I had no plan to confide in her, or anyone, really… and my mood wouldn’t allow me to pretend something wasn’t wrong.
But because that had been the third time she’d tried, I shot off a quick text.
Sorry. Spending time with Shane. I’ll call you tomorrow.
The single thumbs-up emoji I received could only be interpreted one way. She wasn’t happy with me. Not because I’d left her apartment claiming a headache, but because I’d barely spoken to her in the days that followed.
If I explained the anxiety of him leaving, the doom and gloom I couldn’t seem to shake, and now the Molly crap my boyfriend had created, I wasn’t sure her advice wouldn’t be tainted by her own mood. That may not have been fair to my best friend, but I had enough of my own crap to deal with right now.
Eventually, my mom would be who I unleashed it all to. I was the type of person to keep it in and let it fester, and this time that could prove to be toxic to us. As it was, all the emotions and feelings I’d kept to myself this past week had already messed me up. Adding this new layer of bullshit on top wasn’t helping, and it had been only ten minutes.
And through it all, my heart squeezed, knowing that Shane was probably in his room right now shoving his hand through his hair and pacing.
Making my way through the large apartment, I found him doing just what I’d predicted. With his back to me, I remained silent, watching him worry. When he twisted around and saw me, his face fell, assuming the worse. The ache returned, and I became a little less angry.
“Hi.”
“Hi.” I closed the distance between us. “I’m really mad at you.”
“I know.”
“But I don’t want to waste time fighting.”
“Me neither.” He cupped my face while his eyes searched mine. “I’m sorry. I’m such an asshole.”
“Yeah… but you’re my asshole.” A smirk played over his lips before I added, “Promise me you won’t ever do anything like that again.”
“I promise.” He dipped his head but then stopped, looking unsure. “Can I please kiss you?” I couldn’t help but melt at his adorable question. Raising on my toes, I beat him to it and pressed my lips against his.
This jerk had my heart in a two-handed grip, and that gave him complete control over whether he’d treasure it or destroy it. Shane would never hurt me on purpose, but today proved even an unintentional fuckup on his part could wreck me.
Chapter Eighteen
Shane
Miraculously, she stayed the entire afternoon and most of the evening. I took her insistence on making us pasta for dinner as a good sign. She was so much like our moms in that regard, and I knew her cooking for me came from the heart. Despite the underlying tension, we managed to accomplish what I wanted for our day… alone time, sex, and just being together.
After dinner, we moved to the den, and she encouraged me to play some of Cannon’s songs for her. That also proved being with me and pushing aside her anger were more important… for now.
It was once she was alone with her thoughts that the hurt I’d caused would rise back up to the surface. Still, I had to give her space. She’d chosen to stay, and I needed to believe that she’d also choose to talk to me instead of letting her anger get the best of her. If not, I’d make sure she did.
A surge of noisy arguing from the foyer meant my family had gotten home from the beach. When my siblings came barreling through the door, Alivia visibly relaxed, probably welcoming the distraction. As she always did, Siarra went right for her, yapping a mile a minute over the volleyball game she and Trestan had won.
“You should’ve seen Madden’s face,” Siarra whispered, but not low enough based on the dirty look he shot her. “Beaten by a nine-year-old. Classic.”
“You guys cheat.” I couldn’t help but laugh at his accusation. The dialogue was no different than it had been years ago between Alivia and me.
“No one cheated,” my father said, coming through the door with a smile for us. “Did you two have a nice day?” When Alivia’s cheeks tinged and her eyes darted away, his smile grew enough to reveal dimples. The question was typical of Dad, but tonight it held a heavy weight. He had no idea what had really happened… yet. I would have to tell them soon enough. That reality caused my own eyes to dart away. They weren’t going to be happy.
“Yeah,” I said, avoiding his gaze before changing the subject. “I was just about to walk Alivia home.”
Just as we both stood, my mom was the next to join us. “Hey, kids.”
My flat “Hey, Mom” came at the same time Alivia offered a somber “Hi, Aunt Leila.”
One look at us and eagle-eyed Leila Lair tilted her head in concern. “Everything okay?”
“Yep.”
Mom’s curious gaze fixated on Alivia. “Liv?”
“Honestly, Aunt Leila, we’re fine. Shane was playing some of Cannon’s songs for me. I’m so proud of him, but sad he’s leaving soon.”
“Aww… honey. We are too.” A warm smile spread over my mother’s face. “Trust me, the time will go fast. And you’ll see him during the tour.” My mother’s glass was always half-full. She lovingly stared at me, and in doing so caused the guilt to swell with each minute that went by. That only piled onto the tension that remained between Alivia and me. It was all too much, and I had no one to blame but myself.
“Well, we’re taking off.” I needed to get Alivia home so I could do what needed to be done. The sooner I confessed to my parents, the sooner I could move on from this crap.