“I would never cheat on Liv,” I said through clenched teeth. “I can’t believe you would think I could.” I had to remind myself that the doubt he had just revealed in me had to do with the choices he’d made in life. We may have been built from the same cloth when it came to our musical talents, but I would never be the man-whore Trey Taylor had been.
“In my heart I know you wouldn’t, but things change out there. During it all, people will have one mission, and that’s to make money on your name. Doing that in a truthful way is the last thing they care about. Meanwhile, Livi will be here missing you, trying to focus on school while ignoring what she hears, and missing out on life… her life.”
Like a punch to the gut, his words hit on the one insecurity I carried. While she was so concerned that I would have regrets down the road, I had the same fucking concerns when it came to her. At least I had my music to give me some purpose. Again, what did it say about me that I had no idea what the love of my life’s purpose was?
In my defense, neither did she, but that didn’t excuse knowingly stopping her from finding out.
“You get what I’m trying to say?” he prodded.
“Yeah… I get it.” Every day I got closer to my dream coming true, one I thought I wanted more than anything, I inadvertently hurt her more.
And her unwavering love for me served as an enabler.
Chapter Twenty-One
Alivia
I now marked my life from pregraduation, when everything was absolutely perfect, to post, when little by little things began falling apart.
And all the crap with Molly wasn’t even the main reason for our distress. Something else seemed to be bothering him, and no matter how much I tried to get him to open up about it, he kept it all in.
For the first time in all the years we’d been together, Shane and I didn’t know how to act around each other. The more I tried to keep us on an even keel, the more he would retreat into himself… and I know it had a lot to do with me. A switch had seemed to flip when it came to our relationship. He was distant and preoccupied. Whether it was a way to prepare himself for our separation or something else entirely, I had no idea. But the change within him was indisputable.
More times than not, he would turn the tables and accuse me of keeping things from him. I never denied his claim, because I was absolutely guilty of that. So there we were, two peas in a pod.
Meanwhile, a statement had been released from Devil’s Lair on Shane’s behalf as a rebuttal to Molly’s public tantrum. It was amazing how one little post could create a swarm of gossip, ridicule, judgments. Ironically, her deceitful words didn’t quite have the effect she had hoped. If anything, it all served as an accelerant to Shane’s rising popularity, and the tables were turned, Molly soon becoming the enemy.
You would think that would force her to slink back into her hole, but the girl had balls. Despite all that, she’d brazenly sent a photo to my phone of Shane leaning over her as she gazed up at him wide eyed. The quality was a bit blurry, probably taken from afar and zoomed in to the point of distortion. Still, it was unmistakably him and her.
The damn thing had been taken the day he had confronted her when she’d claimed things had become heated between them and he’d kissed her.
Until then, the situation had played only as a murky visual in my mind. But now, having seen evidence of that encounter, and how it appeared as though they could’ve kissed already or were about to, only messed me up more. Again, I trusted him and his version of the story. That was the thing with circumstantial evidence—the implication often outweighed logic. Planting a seed of doubt was just what she’d hoped to do. And as much as it hurt seeing my boyfriend in an intimate stance with that witch, she’d failed in her goal.
I wanted to rip her to shreds. Sadly, I had no choice but to do nothing when it came to that bitch, but Shane had gone ballistic. His parents had also had enough, and with mine they threatened Molly Adler with a restraining order. That would kill her reputation, be a mark on her college career before it even began, and knowing as much finally shut her the hell up.
As far as closure, I had none. So many things that I needed to say to that troll rolled around in my mind, but that would defy what our parents insisted we do. So I’d retreated into my own little bubble and kept it all in, along with everything else.
At least Shane had things to distract him from all the chaos. Photo shoots and interviews took up a huge chunk of his time. The night he gave me one of the promotional posters, pride and fear had combined in my chest, resulting in a toxic mix.
Of course, Lori releasing those images to the press had poured gas on fires already burning. It was happening… a new rock star was about to hit the music scene. It seemed like the industry had been waiting with bated breath for my guy to step into the spotlight. The press were simply playing their role.
There were no more mentions of me visiting him on tour. He even asked me to stop coming to rehearsals because knowing I was there distracted him. My guess was he was trying to protect me from the inevitable, and as silly as that was, I loved him for that. It was hard for me to be there, watching him do what he loved while knowing it was about to pull us apart. But listening to his bandmates spew more tour talk was even harder.
We’d gone from spending almost every minute of the day together to barely having time for a quick meal, much less anything else. When we found the time to be together, all he wanted to talk about was me starting at NYU, classes I would take, and what I thought I wanted to do in my future. He never had asked me that before. I responded honestly that I didn’t know.
One thing Shane insisted on was my voice being the last thing he heard every night. But having a relationship through a phone felt like visits while being jailed. That glass screen represented more than a physical separation between us.
And through it all the clock continued to tick.
Move-in day was less than a week away. I met my roommate, who seemed sweet. If she’d been aware of who I was or where I came from, she kept that to herself. While getting to know each other over breakfast at a coffee shop around the corner from our dorm, it was clear Peggy had one thing on her mind—to study her ass off and become a surgeon. Her motivation had been one of the main reasons I’d decided to reach out to her on the incoming freshman group page. And after meeting her, I knew she’d be a perfect fit for what I needed.
The only thing left to do now was get through this last weekend before I began my own chapter and buried myself in my new reality… without Shane.
Through a post on his page, we all found out that Chase had decided to have a big going-away bash before he left for LA. His parents had rented out the rec room at some firehouse where “a ton of his friends could let loose.” The idiot had also encouraged people to pregame beforehand.
Surprisingly, he’d invited Kim. I had to beg her and pulled out every guilt card I could think of until she finally caved.
Coming directly from the studio meant Shane was meeting me there, and I tried not to harp on why spending an entire night with him made me nervous.
With one last mirror check, I slipped my phone, emergency money, and lip gloss into the pockets of my favorite pair of jeans. What to wear took up way too much time, and I decided to be myself, wild wavy hair and Chucks included. It was my way to flip a defiant middle finger to all the catty girls who would probably be there. It wasn’t Molly’s inner circle, but they weren’t exactly loyal to me either. I hoped every move I made all night long would be reported back to their mean girl idol.