There were many more conversations about things Shane could expect while on tour… some regarding music, most regarding the women. Now that he knew I was sometimes watching, he also knew I had heard what had been said. Each time, he’d remind me he was there for one reason, to play bass guitar. He even joked I could buy him an e-reader and load it up with books, because he’d have a lot of time on his hands between shows.
Of course, he’d purposely shelter himself just to avoid giving the gossip world any reason to write crap about him. And his sole motive to miss out would be to spare me that agony. We’d both witnessed more times than not that it was often the ones left at home who suffered from misinformation written about a celebrity. The more malicious the story, the more money could be made. It all came with the territory.
At night we’d have dinner at one of our houses, play games with our siblings, or just retreat into his bedroom or mine to listen to music. When the weekend came, we hung out in the city, catching a movie or vegging out in Central Park.
Each minute of each day became a precious tick of the clock, and I tried not to take any of it for granted.
Forgotten was how we thought we’d spend our time during the weeks leading up to school starting. While he rehearsed, I prepared myself as best as I could for the move to NYU, which now felt so wrong. Pretending to be interested in shopping for my dorm room and the new clothes my mom bought me was a challenge.
That countdown to my next chapter suddenly had an entirely new meaning, and I tried not to dwell on why sadness replaced anticipation. I should’ve been just as excited with or without Shane being there with me, but instead I felt dread… and then, Lori’s press release hit the rock world and punched me with a reminder as to why.
A week after first learning about the announcement, we woke to Shane’s face and name gracing every media outlet—TV, online, the rock station that the car radio was currently tuned in on. He was everywhere.
Beyond reading what Lori had prepared, I tried really hard to follow Leila’s advice. It was harder than I thought. All I wanted was to scour the internet and see what was being said. Even Kim respected my wishes, keeping to herself anything she saw. Still, it was killing me.
And just like that, paparazzi appeared in front of his building. Jack instantly put security detail on Shane and me. We went nowhere without Alec or one of Oscar’s other guys.
It was a new normal for us.
Schoolmates were texting me links, and people I barely knew thought it was completely appropriate to message me on my social media accounts. Screenshots of nasty comments regarding Shane having a girlfriend made their way to my message box, and I had to witness my fair share of negativity on my own posts. Some of them hurt like a bitch, but so far I could handle it. And if one caused me to cry my eyes out, I did so nowhere near him.
As bad as it was for me, Shane had it a million times worse. Especially when news came via Kim that Molly and Jett had broken up. Even though it was all because of his own doing, the stress that it caused him broke my heart.
We expected it to happen, but on top of everything else it seemed like a cruel joke. Pretending to be shocked for Kim’s sake had been difficult. I hated lying to her. Except for our parents and Jett, no one knew of the deal Shane had made. With luck, Molly would leave for Florida, Jett would complete one semester before transferring to Penn State, and this whole thing would be behind us.
Above all else, being alone with him had been difficult for me. I hated the tension I felt between us. He assumed it was because of the Molly and Jett thing. For me, it was so much more than that. Pile on his sudden catapult into fame, and it added a whole new element to my angst. Avoiding it became impossible, and I knew it wouldn’t get any better with each day that went by.
It’d been a long, emotional week, one that felt three weeks long. Because of the craziness surrounding Shane, his parents thought it’d be a good idea to escape it all and join them at the beach for the weekend. Sure, we’d been exposed to this kind of attention all our lives, but being the focus of it was new to him… to us.
When Shane took their suggestion, I knew he was far more stressed than he let on. Normally, if given the chance to be alone with me, that would win over being surrounded by his family. Who could blame him? Personally, I also welcomed the distraction.
The first thing we did was change into our suits and head for the beach. No sooner had we lathered up with lotion and settled on the blanket than he fell asleep. Exhaustion between rehearsing every day and everything else he was forced to deal with hit him hard.
So many emotions flooded through me as I watched him lying peacefully beside me. He’d lost some weight, making his sculpted abs even more defined. His hair was a tad longer on top than usual, the highlights from being in the sun fading a bit under daily fluorescent lights. I reached over and skimmed a featherlike touch over his tattoo. He was so beautiful, both inside and out, and girls would soon be losing their minds over him.
Flipping onto my belly, I hoped for the same peaceful slumber my boyfriend had found. But it never came, as my mind continued to reel with one negative thought after another.
In just ten days I was due to move into my dorm room… and in just one month, he would be leaving on tour. I figured I had one option—ignore the nagging thoughts and find a way to deal with every insecurity I was suddenly drowning under. None of which were even an inkling of a thought in my mind a year ago. If someone would have said I’d be teetering on so many unknowns regarding Shane and me, I wouldn’t have believed them. Maybe I’d grown up a lot this past year, and with maturity came clarity that I never saw before. Or more accurately, clarity I refused to see before. Either way, I needed to figure out my crap, and quick.
Because one thing I knew for sure, I loved him so damn much.
Chapter Twenty
Shane
The tears rolling down her cheeks served as a dagger to my heart. I kissed her one last time, long and hard, before prying her fingers from the ironclad hold she had on my T-shirt.
My last words were, “I’m sorry, Liv. I have to go.”
Turning, I climbed up the bus steps as her pained sobs, echoing behind me, caused the knife to go deeper, twist harder.
Until my body jolted, throwing my subconscious back into reality. Blinking under a punishing sun, it took me a few seconds to realize I was still on the beach with Alivia lying on her stomach beside me on a blanket.
Her eyes were closed, and I could faintly hear one of Cannon’s songs through her earbuds. In the distance, my brothers tossed a football. Siarra was on her own towel beside Alivia, bopping to that god-awful music she loved.
All of it caused a sigh of relief, knowing the day of my departure wasn’t upon us yet. It wasn’t the first time I’d dreamed a similar scene. The reason we were parting was always the same, as was the desperation I could feel even after I woke up. One that left me with an unsettling ache in the pit of my stomach for hours.
“Hey, the mumbler is up,” Siarra said when she realized I was awake. Her comment caused Alivia’s lids to slide open.
During a stretch I rolled my eyes. “Like you can hear anything past that noise you claim is music.”
“Jealous much?” she asked in her snarky way.
“Definitely not.” I lay an arm across Alivia’s back and pressed closer to her. “Was I saying how much I loved you?”