It’s the only option I have if I want to keep my trial. My heart doesn’t matter in this, only medicine does.
“Ren?” Bryce’s throaty voice calls me.
I can’t avoid him even when I’m trying.
He extends a cup of coffee and his lips tilt up in a tentative smile. I don’t want a peace offering. I want him gone so I can go back to pretending I don’t have a heart. It was easier that way. My life was clear and concise, not muddled with feelings that make me vulnerable.
“I’m fine,” I say, rejecting his offer of coffee.
“Right. I’m not trying to bribe you,” he explains.
I shake my head with a grin. “If that was your idea of a bribe, you’ve got a lot to learn.”
He chuckles once. “Yeah, I just . . .”
“Thank you,” I say and extend my hand. If he’s going to be nice, there’s no reason for me to be rude. I’m sure it took a lot for him to come to me like this. It’s not easy when one person holds the keys to your happiness. I know this all too well.
I remember when my mother’s doctor was abrupt and unwilling to offer us even a little hope.
“I’m not sure how you take your coffee anymore, but I went with memory.”
“I appreciate it.” I take a sip and hold my reaction.
Bryce remembered exactly how I take my coffee. Time may have passed, but this one moment shows that I wasn’t a blip on his screen. Although it changes nothing for either of us.
“So did you think about what I said?”
It’s all I’ve thought about. There are so many variables and I don’t know what the right thing is anymore.
I release a low sigh, feeling the anxiety boiling inside me. “I have a patient who was removed from the trial and I need to operate. I really wanted to think through this before I made my decision, because you and I know this is messy.”
He scratches the stubble on his face. “It doesn’t have to be. We’re not the same people anymore, Ren. It isn’t like we’re having an affair. I’m asking you to be her doctor. To save someone who hasn’t done a damn thing wrong in this situation.” He steps closer and I move back. “I’m not . . .”
Being this close to him stirs the pain I’ve tried so hard to bury. “Please step back,” I request. “If you want me to pretend we don’t know each other, you have to do the same. Your wife being my patient is a complication, and we both—”
“Dr. Adams,” Westin’s voice stops me from speaking.
Jesus Christ.
My stomach drops as he approaches. “Pretend you don’t know me other than as Allison’s doctor,” I whisper to Bryce.
Westin comes to the side of me and extends his hand. “I’m Dr. Grant, nice to meet you.”
Bryce looks at me and then back at Wes. “Bryce Peyton,” he says as he shakes Westin’s hand.
“Bryce’s wife is one of my trial patients,” I explain. “We were discussing the process.”
“Well, you’re in great hands, Dr. Adams is the best.” Westin gives me a grin. “There’s no one like her.”
Bryce clears his throat. “Good to know.”
The contrast between the two men is striking.
Westin is tall, lean, with green eyes that you can get lost in. He’s got lighter hair and keeps a constant short scruff that I love. There is no doubt about his confidence. Each smile is effortless and real.
Whereas Bryce is more muscular and darker. He carries the weight of the world on his shoulders and I can see how tired he is. The energy around him is different, harsher. But when those blue eyes are on me, I can’t breathe.
“I need to check on my patients,” I say with a nervous laugh. “I’ll check on your wife, Mr. Peyton, and we can go over the information later on.”
Bryce’s eyes narrow slightly and then he nods. “Okay.”
He walks away, and Westin wraps his arms around my middle. “Sorry I had to run out this morning. I got a call in the middle of the night and didn’t want to wake you.”
I don’t know when he left, but I didn’t really think much of it. It happens often for the two of us. It’s part of being a doctor, and my mind was elsewhere. “It’s fine.”
I try not to feel uncomfortable with him once again initiating a public display of affection, but I set this tone. Me going to his house last night was what I needed, and I still want to move forward, give more of myself to him.
The feeling that we’re being watched overcomes me. My chest grows tight and I turn my gaze to see what is causing my unease. As I scan the room I realize Bryce is still here, and find his eyes trained on the two of us. His fists are clenched at his side as he sees me in Westin’s embrace. It would appear to anyone watching that we’re a couple.
Maybe this is exactly what I need him to see. I don’t want him to know I’ve spent the last fourteen years thinking about what we could’ve been. He needs to believe I moved on.
I move my fingers up Westin’s arms and hold onto the back of his neck.
“Are you going to take a day off this week?” Westin asks. “We could try to get away for the weekend . . .”
I don’t like myself for playing any sort of game, but I need to protect my own heart right now.
“I don’t know, I think I’m going to visit my dad and brother.”
Westin’s face falls slightly. I glance back over to see Bryce walking away. I watch as he disappears around the corner and then I step back.
What the hell am I doing?
I’m out of my fucking mind. I need to get out of here and fix myself.
“Just let me know if you change your mind.”
There’s no way I can stick around Chicago. Besides, my family is why I’m in this mess to begin with.
Chapter 9
Sixteen Years Earlier
“My father wants me to go to Rice University, which is where he went,” Bryce informs me as we lie on the couch, curled up after watching a movie.
“Where is that?”
“Houston.”
I sit up. “Houston? But that’s so far.”
He gives me a reassuring smile. “It is, but I’m not going there. We’re both going to Penn State.”
I release the breath I was holding and nod. “Well, if I get in.”
“You will.”
I applied at the same time he did, and he already got his acceptance. There’s no reason to think I won’t get in, but still . . . I’m worried. If I don’t get accepted, I’ll have to go to either Johns Hopkins or Northwestern. Both are excellent schools and offer what I want, but Penn State is where Bryce will be.
“We should discuss the options.”
He pulls me back down so I’m lying on his chest. “We don’t need to, because we’ll work it out. If you go to Johns Hopkins, we’ll be close, Northwestern is the only one that would be hard.”
“But we’d make it work?”
“I’d make anything work if it means I have you.”
I rub my fingers across his lips. “You say the sweetest things.”
“I say only what I mean.”